They Don't Treat Their Women Very Well"?

Question

An American Woman married to a Muslim man (visit her website) writes: I can't tell you how many times I heard that phrase, over and again, from well-meaning friends, when they found out I was going marry a *gasp!* Muslim! I was also warned that he was just marrying me for a green card. To add insult injury, when I was planning a trip to Pakistan with my baby and to meet my husband's family, I heard all the "Not Without My Daughter" horror stories. "Aren't you afraid they'll try to take your baby?" I would ask, who do you mean by "they?" The Government of Pakistan? The general populace? My husband's family? Are you telling me that my husband's family exists to totally screw me over and take my son? People have always been afraid of what they don't understand. To make things worse, the perception of Muslims and Islam in western society has been totally skewed by movies and the media.

"Glass Houses". We all know the adage, "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones." When you hear someone say something to the effect that "muslims don't treat their women well," then it's time to say, "Oh, and Americans do?" Here are some statistics on spousal (or significant other) abuse, murder, and rape that men commit against their women partners, here in America, in the twenty-first century.

VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IN THE UNITED STATES

MURDER . Every day four women die in this country as a result of domestic violence, the euphemism for murders and assaults by husbands and boyfriends. That's approximately 1,400 women a year, according to the FBI. The number of women who have been murdered by their intimate partners is greater than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War.

BATTERING . Although only 572,000 reports of assault by intimates are officially reported to federal officials each year, the most conservative estimates indicate two to four million women of all races and classes are battered each year. At least 170,000 of those violent incidents are serious enough to require hospitalization, emergency room care or a doctor's attention.

SEXUAL ASSAULT . Every year approximately 132,000 women report that they have been victims of rape or attempted rape, and more than half of them knew their attackers. It's estimated that two to six times that many women are raped, but do not report it. Every year 1.2 million women are forcibly raped by their current or former male partners, some more than once.

IMPACT ON CHILDREN . Violent juvenile offenders are four times more likely to have grown up in homes where they saw violence. Children who have witnessed violence at home are also five times more likely to commit or suffer violence when they become adults.

SOURCES:
"Violence Against Women: A National Crime Victimization Survey Report", U.S. Department of Justice, Washington, D.C., January 1994.

"The National Women's Study," Crime Victims Research and Treatment Center, Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, SC, 1992.

"Five Issues In American Health," American Medical Association, Chicago, 1991.

Bullock, Linda F. and Judith McFarlane, "The Birth Weight/Battering Connection," Journal of American Nursing, September 1989.

McFarlane, Judith, et. al., "Assessing for Abuse During Pregnancy," Journal of the American Medical Association, June 17, 1992.

Answer 1

she is so right. I am an American woman, too, but I am a musim and married to a man from Pakistan. I got the same bs. I was even told "They'll kidnap you and kill you!!" People should not beleive everything they are told unless they have actually been in the situation or been to the country. Pakistan is a very lovely country and the people there are very hospitable. They are curious about why WE hate THEM so much, because most of them have done nothing to deserve it. I actually became pregnant with our first child there, LOL, and they didn't force me to stay. My mother in law begged me to stay with her, and now that she's gone I wish I would have. I didn't trust the pakistani hospital system when it comes to childbirth, but in hindsight I was following that hype my own way. I've been there a few times, and each time was a pleasant experience. I was given 21 kt gold jewellry sets by family and friends. Clothing, and money was literally shoved into my hand because I felt too embarassed to take it from those giving it.

Answer 2

I don't base my opinion on Hollywood or anything like that. I think people have a right to pick their religions and their spouces. The only thing I listen to are people who have actually been there. I have heard from some people that have been there. A woman that was born in the USA married a Muslim. They had two wonderful children and when things went sour they got a divorce. The woman got custody of the kids and the father got visitations. On one visitation the father took the kids to where ever he was from and the law there was that the woman couldn't have them. The woman had no rights in his country. Now I am not saying your marriage is going to go bad and I hope it doesn't. That is just what I would be afraid of. I also have a friend that was a Muslim and he left the faith. He is being threatened with death if these people ever find out where he is. That is another thing that scares me. I go by real experiences and not movies or anything like that. These may be far and few between experiences, I have no idea. I would still be afraid because of them though. That is just me and I hope things go well for you.

Answer 3

I had a good friend who was a 19 year old Muslim girl from Pakistan (but a US citizen). One of the above answers that described Muslim women being taken on "vacation" and then forced into an arranged marriage was absolutely correct. My friends mother (her parents were divorced themselves) took her to Pakistan and told her she had to marry some guy. She refused, so her family locked her in a room and left her there to starve unless she would agree to the marriage (I think they gave her small amounts of food occasionally though, because she did survive, obviously) she was there for months and lost so much weight that she only weighed about 80 pounds. She finally was able to escape and get to a phone where she called her dad and he came and rescued her.

So, no, I don't agree that Muslim women are treated just as well as women in the west. While yes abuses happen everywhere, you don't hear about such practices as what my friend experienced in western societies.

Answer 4

Love is blind.

If you love your man, sure - without regard to his creed or color get married to him. If you are happy there is nothing more to say. So the chapter ends right there.

But those who are reading this should know: All you marriageable girls dating a muslim - and planning to get married - ask him if the following is true. Ask him to deny it. He won't.....!!

If you marry a muslim ( I know intimately well - so I am speaking from a position of knowledge, so trust me on this that much) you lose your identity. Nothing can be more scary than that.

You have to convert to Islam. No converting back if circumstances change. You may be marked for death. You have to go to mosque whether you subscribe to their thoughts or their ideology or not. You cannot visit your family and sever ties with them because they are of different religion. You can only visit them when your husband says so - you have to take his permission.

You have to change your name to a muslim name. Guess what? When your close relative meets you on the road and calls you by your original name, you have to lie to them that you have not changed your name.

You will have to lead double life. It is not really like what you say. I know this too well.

A recent notice on the bulletin board to all muslims in a UK university campus says: "marry as many women from other religions; convert them. This should be your goal". There is a silent movement afoot to marry as many to convert them to Islam.

But if you love the man, and you are prepared to overlook all this, power to you. Nothing should come between you and your husband if love reigns supreme.

In addition, you cite examples of violence against women in USA. I couldn't agree with you more on all the statistics. But two wrongs do not make one right. If, on the other hand, a muslim shows - by action - that he is not like all that statistics then one can accept. Many in the world know what muslims do. You do not need media to spoon feed everyone. One can discern right from wrong.

Personal experience is a great teacher. Hollywood portray a story to take a point to the extreme. So, it is a story. But in real life things are like what I have written here. That's the honest truth.

Answer 5

Yes, but in America he try and often imprison men for doing that. They are rewarded in Pakistan or IRan for doing that!

What about female clitorius cutting! Nominal Islamic practice!

Hey, to the girl, try using a Cell phone in Pakistan, betcah they cut you to ribbons for doing that!

The do it to girls in Iraq.

YOu can't drive a car

Talk on a phone in public

And if your husband dies, you can't manage your own affairs.

Try sending your daughter to college out there, see what happens!

Speak your mind in front of men, just once. See what happens!

I know muslims. I knew many. Say ONE wrong thing and they are ready to KILL YOU.

Sure some people from the South in the US will do the same thing, that don't make them right either!

Answer 6

I completely understand what you are trying to say and am 100% on your side. People need to start worrying about all the crimes that go on here before worrying about other countries where their crime rate is LOWER!

Answer 7

I'm not really sure what your question actually is?? I'm an American woman. I watch the news & yeah, there is a lot of violence in the WORLD!

Answer 8

Honour Killings;
Female Genital Mutilation aka "female circumcision";
"Raising a girl child is like watering someone else's garden." (famous Saudi Arabian saying).
Arranged marriages where a girl is taken on a "vacation" and then simply left there with her new husband.
I divorce you! I divorce you! I divorce you! And she's on the street with nothing.

Answer 9

see that is the point..
you explained in your question...
people think and believe ever thing they see on television...
or for that sake movie..
and of the so many people ..you only get to hear only the bad ones..
do you know how many american and europians are in Iran and for that sake....in Islamic countries....many...
many have even changed their religion...many have married and are living their entire life ..over there.. cause they get to realize the truth....

Answer 10

I am American and my boyfriend is Iranian. He treats me better than I could ever expect or ask. He takes care of me and supports my ideas and only wants the best for me. Don't believe that 'Not Without My Daughter' rhetoric.