My boyfriend wants his son to move in, the kid is a terror..no way?

Question

I have been having problems with my BF's son for about a year. The kid is very rude, disrespectful, and argumentative. My BF did nothing to correct the problem until I said "either you make him behave, or visit with him someplace else" He talked to at the beginning of the summer and things are better (I wont bore you with details here, check my other posts if you want the whole crazy story) but the kid is still quite unstable. Now, he wants him to move in here with us(I own the house). I do not think its a good idea. I am looking for a way to as tactfully as possible tell him no. I have some idea what to say to him, but this is very very difficult for me and I am open for suggestions. :) The son is 12 and has issues with other people, adults and kids, not just me.He has sworn at his mother and teacher. The mom calls at least twice a week because she cannot handle him. I know if the boy moves in here it will be a disaster. I also accept that my BF may move out.

I wasnt expecting so many answers...to the people who said the kid is the way he because of me not liking him, I am nothing but nice to the kid, and the nicer I am , the nastier he gets, even telling me to shut the F___ up.

I wasnt expecting so many answers...to the people who said the kid is the way he because of me not liking him, I am nothing but nice to the kid, and the nicer I am , the nastier he gets, even telling me to shut the F___ up.

Answer 1

Maybe you should rethink being involved with a person that has a child .. because the child comes with the father for the rest of his life.

Hugs Mel

Answer 2

I had a friend who went through the same thing... the kid moved and it was a horrible... and they broke up because of it. I would put your foot down, if the mother can't control the kid- then it's not going to be any better at your house. It doesn't' matter if your Bf leaves if you don't let the kid live there...... because if you do, you'll still be braking up from an unstable kid ruining your life! Sounds like this kid needs more help then just moving him around. Perhaps you should suggest Military school or a private school to straighten him out. I personally would brake up with the father before getting involved in having a unstable 12 year old move in with me. Lock up your jewerly!
Good Luck.

Answer 3

look I can't help but worry about this situation.
When you have a child that is 12 and has not been disciplined... I think it may be too late for it. And I have plenty of friends who HAD wonderful relationships, until the "kid" came in the picture. I wouldn't be able to handle that situation.
So if you let him move in... when you refer to home as your house... there will definitely be problems. Right now it seems that you need to put your relationship on hold. The child apparently needs to have a parents attention. If you already have issues with him, it will only get worse.
I say let his dad deal with him... you don't need it. It would be better for someone who loves him to try handling him. Tell your BF that you just aren't ready for that. Maybe he will understand?
I really wish you luck!!!!

Answer 4

In this situation, I understand your point of view. You are not married to him, and don't have the responsibility to parent his child. I think it is presumptuous for the boyfriend to not get his own place with the kid instead of trying to live at your house. Your house is your home. If the child, as old as he is, can not respect you, and could get the household into trouble, I say make the boyfriend get his own home with the child. I think it is a good idea if he moves out, and I would suggest it to him. You do not want that in your house. It sounds like he needs some really tough love. There is no excuse for such disrespect to adults and other human beings! Some of the other people who posted are exactly why so many kids behave so horribly! There is no responsibility if you make excuses for poor behavior! Much can be cured by a good old fashioned butt whooping! Lucky for you, it is his parents that have to work out this mess they have created, and not you. Separate yourself from it.

Answer 5

Well then there you have answered your own question. Read my posts, I got it worse than you with them damn "Step Children". If you are alright with the bf moving out then let him but be prepared to see a lot less of your bf as this little rascal with soak up all his time. However if you did allow him to move in I would have his father present as I give him a lecture about whats not going to go on in "MY HOUSE" and what will happen if it does. Don't take nothing off his little behind he is old enough to comprehend and know every last thing he does. As for the father I say men often need strong women to give the advice, insight, and that motherly compassion but also be his conscious so he won't be oblivious to that boy! Good luck! Pull up your boot straps or..................be prepared to say hi and bi to your bf!

Answer 6

I feel that since you knew that he had a kid before, then you should have been willing to take all that comes with it. Children are smarter than you seem to think. He probably senses the way you feel about him, Hence his behavior towards you. If he treats his mother and Father this way, what makes you special? He OBVIOUSLY has issues with his parents separation. You OBVIOUSLY can't deal with this issue so maybe the best thing for this child is to get you out of the picture so his parents can get him the help he needs.
Having structural Adults around a child in this predicament is very help full. !!
Bashing him every chance you can is harm full. !!!

Answer 7

You know that when you accept your boyfriend, you accept his son. The kid has serious issues and his parents need to get a handle on that because as time goes by, he will be one hell of a person. If you cannot handle the child, do not make him your responsibility. Tell that to your boyfriend, sit him down and explain to him that you will not tolerate behavior like that in your home. Put your foot down and stick with the decision. If your boyfriend cannot see that his son has a problem, let him leave and don't be ashamed about that.

Answer 8

I think your boyfriend should move out. You are showing no great value by being a shack up to yourself or his child.
His kid should be his number 1 priority. The kid obviously has some anger problems and who can blame him, he has had to deal with his Mom's and Dad's issues and now to see his Dad he has to live with his Dad's girlfriend in her house.
My hope is that you can find it your own heart to do what is best for the child and tell the BF to be a man and raise his kid, how can anyone think that they should come before that? I personally wouldn't stand for a man who didn't put his kid absolutely first. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Kids will be kids! but if that's not what your wanting right now... for yourself then you need to take a step back and look at your life and what you want out of it!
Love is highly blinding so don't take it as a fault if you find out he isn't the package your looking for!
for the most part you answered your own question ( i own the house) ( i don't think it's a good idea) What other signs do you need to say no!
i would send the kid to a boot camp for some sort of disiplene at the way your expaining this he will be in jail before to long!
that or abusing women and younger kids!
is that the life you want for yourself
bailing someone out of jail..
going to school to pick up kid?
Good luck sweety
What ever road you choice do it for yourself not someone else!
and don't forget what ever road you pick its not anyones fault! it's a learning experence if anything!
Good luck
Mad luv

Answer 10

Run do not walk away from this situation. The child obviously has authority problems and these will not be corrected/resolved in a matter of days or months, it could take years. If you allow him to move in and at any time try to enforce rules or behavior on him you will be seen as the bad guy. If the father has not in the past corrected or enforced rules with the boy his track record says he won't in the future. It will become three against one. The father, mother and boy against you. You will regret (big time) allowing it.

Answer 11

This is one of those situations that is definitely a hard one...not counseling only for your BF's son, but family counseling would be my best bet. Life is hard on teenagers and the son being in the middle and he may feel he is not getting the attention he wants and needs. Children will act up even to get negative attention. It take tons of patients, but if you love your BF and you knew he had a son, it is not fair for your BF to choose between you and his son. No other person is more important than my kids. I won't bore you guys with all my life details, but when you are a parent and you want to be there for your kids. Kudos to your BF for wanting to be in his sons life. My kids didn't have that, your BF is a good man if he is willing to take on his son, even with all the crap everyone has to deal with. Good luck, just remember this boy didn't choose for himself to be in the situation he is in. Be understanding, lord I know that isn't easy either, but you know you have to do what you feel is best for you. And don't just blame the boys behavior for your relationship with your BF not working b/c you feel his son is the main source of the entire situation.