My daughter and my boyfriend had a conflict 9 months ago that was my boyfriend's fault. We broke up for 6 months. 2 months ago we started seeing eachother again and all seemed fine. Then over the last week, my daughter has been trying to pressure me to break up with him again. (my daughter is 20 years old). Her reasons are the same: the conflict that happened 9 months ago.
I love my daughter, but I love this man too. I can't continue to go on like this. What should I do?
2006-08-24 09:48:33 · 42 answers · asked by sheristeele 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes my boyfriend has appologized. She says she will never accept an appolgy.
2006-08-24 10:00:01 · update #1
First of all ask yourself if the problem really is a big thing. Which i don't think it is because if it were you wouldn't be with your boyfriend again. You tried to show your daughter that you cared by breaking up with the love of your life and now that time has passed i don't see how she can't forgive him for whatever reason. I think you should try to explain to your daughter that you want to be with your boyfriend. actually your her mom why is she telling you what to do? she is a grown woman and needs to stay out of your love life, it's your life not hers, you have to make your own decisions.
2006-08-24 10:00:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, that's a tough one. If your daughter was 6 years old the answer would be simple, but since she's 20 that kind of muddies the waters a bit. On one hand, your daughter is now an adult and shouldn't pressure you to choose (not sure if that's what she's doing). I think the key is going to be for your boyfriend and your daughter to reconcile. And I think it's your boyfriend that's going to have to make the 1st move. She may not accept right away (he must have hurt her quite a bit) but he can't give up right away. It's going to take time to heal old wounds, but it's going to be worth it in the end. Now, the two of them may never be close, but speaking terms would be a start. Hope this helps.
2006-08-24 09:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by CaptainCrunch 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the conflict. If your daughter was a minor, I would say you owe yourself to her. She is 20 now. If the man is not disrespecting her; and you know what a mean. I'll say tell your daughter to get a life and let you live yours. You have already done your job with her.
For the couple to be always blessed "get married with the one you love. You still have the responsability to set good examples to you your children. Fornication does not pay. Shacking up is a "NO -NO"
2006-08-24 10:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 20-year-old daughter should not be dictating to you who you can and cannot date; however, if your daughter is important to you (and it seems like she is very important to you), you should have an open discussion with her about the reasons why she doesn't like your boyfriend (it may go way beyond the conflict they had nine months ago). Sometimes, when we like someone a lot, we are blind to their faults. Perhaps your daughter is aware of issues with your boyfriend that you have overlooked.
2006-08-24 09:54:12 · answer #4 · answered by Perplexed Music Lover 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You didn't specify what the conflict was over, but remember, family should always come first. If the conflict was bad, will it happen again? Is it worth losing your daughter over? There are a lot of questions you need to ask yourself and the answer lies only within you.
2006-08-24 09:52:58 · answer #5 · answered by nana_g 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a really tough one. What does your heart say? Does your doughter have a good reason for you and your boyfriend to stay apart? Talk to your daughter. Make sure to tell her that you love her more than anything in the world and nothing can change that. Ask her how she feels and tell her how much you love this guy. Maybe you can arrange for the guy to tell her sorry for whatever he did and ask her to think about her being in your position. She must really be serious about this if she's had 9 months time to think through it. All I can really say is that if you love him you'll stay with him.
2006-08-24 09:55:35 · answer #6 · answered by ♥live laugh love ♥ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. What a dilemma. If your daughter was a child, I'd say boot the boyfriend now. But she's an adult. So, you have to speak to her rationally and see if a resolution can come from the conflict. If it can't be resolved, you do have to make a decision. Since your daughter is your blood, you really need to choose her, IMO.
2006-08-24 09:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by zippythejessi 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what the conflict was. If your daughter wants you to break up with this man because he did something awful to her or she thinks he treats you poorly, then you should really consider her opinion. If she wants you to break up with him for superficial reasons, then explain to your daughter that you've got to move on with your life and she's a grown up now and she needs to accept your decisions because you're her mother- not the other way around.
2006-08-24 09:57:58 · answer #8 · answered by hunnykal24 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your daughter have a valid reason for wanting you to break up with this man? If your boyfriend can't try to get along with your daughter then he doesn't love you because a man that loves a woman with kids no matter how old they are will try his best for you to make it a smooth relationship.If you have to choose then of course you have to pick your own daughter.
2006-08-24 09:59:43 · answer #9 · answered by Bazinga 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has your boyfriend apologized to your daughter about the conflict and was it something that someone could forgive? If it wasn't, why in the world did you get back together with him? If it's something an average person could forgive and your boyfriend is TRULY REMORSEFUL for what he did, talk to your daughter about how we all make mistakes and sometimes we ourselves need to be forgiven and other times we must forgive others.
2006-08-24 09:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by DeeDee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋