This is probably a stupid question, but here goes. I am 24, and I have met a man online who is 45. I have already told him that I am a virgin and am waiting for marriage, and he has said he's fine with that, yet whenever we talk he inevitably brings up the topic of how bad he wants to have sex with me - he even tries to initiate phone sex. My friends and family all tell me that he is only after one thing. The problem is I really like him, but I'm not sure if my friends/family are being overprotective or if maybe I'm just being too trusting and naive. I have dated older guys before (10+ years older), but this is the oldest I've ever gone. I'm just not sure if when I meet him he will try to force himself on me (based on comments he's made on the phone). If anyone could give me their opinion or advice I would greatly appreciate it!
2006-08-24 09:46:21 · 41 answers · asked by Shorty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would be concerned that you have taken time to tell him how you feel and yet he continues to bring up sex. To me this shows a lack of respect for you and your feelings. If he was really interested in you then when you talk it would never be about sex unless you initiated it. I think you should seriously consider dropping this guy and not meeting him at all. You need to find someone who respects how you feel and isn't constantly playing games to try and change your mind.
2006-08-24 09:51:06 · answer #1 · answered by rkrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run Forest, Run! He's old enough to be your father AND he's got a sweet little virgin girl on a string...c'mon...wake up and smell the coffee girl...guys his age don't get a chance like that very often (virgins)...and what could you possibly have in common with a guy 21 years older than you? I've never dated anyone more than 9 yrs older than me and the limit is down to 8 now.
I wouldn't suggest meeting him if I were you...he wants the sex and chances are you'll see little or none of him after he gets it...you're on different pages in life...he's looking down the road toward retirement, and you're just beginning your life as an adult...
Take care of you...trust your family...and take off the blinders you are wearing with regard to this guy...if a girlfriend of yours told you the story you just told us, how would you advise her?
2006-08-24 09:50:47 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have not met face to face and he's initiating these conversations something is seriously wrong. It's one thing to meet a guy older than you and convince yourself that he's healthy, normal, successful, decent, honorable, charming and he's not trying to control me and isn't disrespecting me, etc. etc. , maybe I can deal with his age. It's another thing to have a guy old enough to be your father talking dirty over the internet to someone he's never met. First of all, EEEEEWWWW!. Second of all, totally inappropriate at all times. I wouldn't meet anyone I met over the internet alone. This all sounds creepy and wrong, and not just because of his age, but because of his inappropriateness. Get out and meet people, preferably one your freinds can help you screen. You're only 24, not 44. Don't be in a hurry.
2006-08-24 11:37:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one thing that you should think about is yourself, in this case. If you are afraid that he may force himself on you, then make sure you do nothing with him alone(example: meeting him at his place for dinner), to be even safer you could always meet him somewhere instead of him picking you up, until you get to know him. Which could put you in a potentially dangerous situation. Just a thought. Next you may want to trust your family and friends instincts about the situation. Why? Simple, your family loves you more than this man says he may. The family bond is much stonger than that of a boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship. That is the out and out truth. You seem like you are being a little to trusting and a small amount naive with this individual.
Here's one more thing to think about. This guy was already going to the bars before you were even out of diapers. What I am trying to say is to me it seems like you are not giving guys your age enough of a chance. You want them to be more grown up more than they are ready to be. Remember this: patience is a virtue. Personally I must, say this guy that is interested in you is only after one thing. A woman he can control and manipulate. Also it sounds like he is trying to prey on your trust of him and your naivety, especially if he keeps wanting to have phone sex with you. He is acting more like a 24 yr. old guy and just wants some tail from a woman. But that is just my thought.
Remember this as well, there is nothing wrong with going with your 'gut' instincts. Many times in the future will you find you were right, in listening to them.
Okay here is my final thought on this. Sit back and think about this for a little while. Would you have sex with your father? Or grandfather for that matter? Or would you want your own child(if u have one and she is a young woman) with her father or her gandfather for that matter?
2006-08-24 10:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by Mad Max 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont know you or him... but from just the description of what he does, I'm creeped the hell out. If he was really cool with the whole no sex till marriage thing, he shouldnt be doing what he's doing at least until you 2 have really gotten to know each other. I dont want to tell you how to live your life, but if you are asking the question "Will this guy try to force himself on me when we meet?" He's probably not the guy you want to be with.
2006-08-24 09:52:29 · answer #5 · answered by SOG Wrath 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You emotionally want to trust him, yet you logically have reservations. When two people are beginning a relationship, sex should not be a topic. Sex in a healthy relationship is a celebration of the emotional, spiritual, and physical love you have worked for. That is why marriage is a social event. It is a public statement of the existance of private feelings we have for another.
2006-08-24 09:52:13 · answer #6 · answered by Russ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not do it. On line chat is not good when you want to deal with love. You have to see the person and get to know the person in person. You have no idea how he is really like just by chat or even phone. And also if he is that desperate for sex then that will be nothing but bad news for you. He wants a young girl to have sex with and that is all.
2006-08-24 09:50:33 · answer #7 · answered by Inuchan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to your question. This guy is about having sex. We all are. Some of us are just willing to wait for it. If he is already trying to get you to do things you are uncomfortable with before you even meet him face to face then this is not going to work out! You should break it off immediately and probably change your phone number. I hope you didn't give him your address!
2006-08-24 09:49:44 · answer #8 · answered by scottie2h2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is 17 years older than me. I married him because he was a complete and total gentleman to me (and he's sexy as hell too). My husband has never acted like a pervert.
See that's what pisses me off so bad about most men. They are such freakin' dogs!!! For God sake, drop that loser and wait for a good man to come into your life. He really and truly is only after one thing or else he would not keep bringing it up. Go with your instincts, don't you get even the slightest icky feelin' from him.
HE'S A PERV, CUT ALL TIES WITH HIM OR ELSE YOU WILL SERIOUSLY REGRET IT.
2006-08-24 09:52:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all you have to realize that you met him online and you don't really know him as well as if you would have met him somewhere else like in person. I think he is only after one thing. If you are 24 why are going after guys as old as 45? Why don't you try guys more your age? I think you need to re-evaluate what this guy really wants.
2006-08-24 09:50:09 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋