how do you live with having flash backs to traumatic events in your life?

Question

plus if theirs hurtfull memories that keep tormenting you about your past...i had a loving family with loving parents, but unfortunatley i developed a mental illness because of bullying at school i left home at 16 and my family fell apart, mum and dad fighting and then seperated, there was lots of fights and lots of tears then, im 29 now, this memory tears away at my soul fills me with tears and torments me, even after all this time. i feel guilty and responsible because i caused alot of unrest and arguments..i cry at night because of this i love my mum and dad so much and i feel so sorry. the memory hurts so much i block it out......today i live on my own in my own flat battling extreme low moods and lonliness, im due to see a psychiatrist soon where im asking for an evaluation. i feel so cold & alone as i battle this.& i get my painfull flashbacks...i keep wondering what ill do when i no longer have my mum & dad.will it de rail me.send me over the edge?will i find a partner 2 luv me?

i sit alone this evening in my dark little flat that im waiting to move from...wonderin will i ever find happiness and security..?

Answer 1

I wish I could give you advice on forgiveness and forgiving yourself but that happens to be one of my personal weak spots.

Be patient with yourself and try to take things one day at a time. If things don't work out with one therapist you have to be diligent and not give up until you find someone you are comfortable working with. Try EMDR, it utilizes eye movement to help create new paths in the brain by stimulating both sides of the brain while you do your therapy. It's supposed to reduce therapy time significantly. I'm supposed to have this to cope with my PTSD; along with some mental illness in my family my daughters were both (on separate occassions) maulled by supposedly "family friendly" dogs. I didn't think anything could be worse than my just turned 3 yo & I spending 4 hours in ER while they sewed her lip back on. But her 16 stitches to the face was nothing compared to 6 yrs later and my step mother's dog tried to kill my 4 yo in the living room while we were all there. If we hadn't been there to pull the dog off her I just can't imagine what would have happened. So now 10 hours in ER and 250 stitches to put her beautiful doll face back together. Every night I fight to go to sleep w/o reliving the whole event again. Just like you I am at my weakest then. Also because of the social anxiety I haven't been able to bring myself to contact any of my friends & let them know of the recent accident so every time I think I them I have to relive the event in imagining trying to explain it to them. My father wrote & wants to know why I'm not communicating w/ him & if he's done something wrong. I don't want to tell him that deciding to visit him was one of the worst decisions of my life so I just don't talk to them. I don't know if I can forgive them for what happened to my daughter. They listened to me tell her over & over all week that she didn't need to be afraid of that dog -- it wasn't going to hurt her. And they never told me the dog had bit another child (I overheard my neice talking about it) before & the kid had to have stitches and they made a liar out of me to my daughter. I won't forgive them for that. So Wish me luck with that as I'm not sure what I'm going to say & I'm running out of time to reply.

If you speak to your parents you may find some peace and be surprised to learn in retrospect they might not think their separation had as much to do with you as you think. And YES you may find someone who will love you. Unconditional love happens to me every day ~ learning to love myself unconditionally seems to be the more difficult of the two.

I don't want this to sound at all unsympathetic but a lot of getting out of dysthymia (prolonged/chronic depression) is CBT cognative behavioural therapy which means you have to constantly be your own therapist and help yourself not repeat unhealthy behaviour. If I catch myself going down an abusive train of thought - I do a mental 180. You may have to make up your mind that you've already "hit bottom" so that you can try to see everything from here out from the flipside. when I hit bottom I decide I have two choices: I can either lay down & die or I can get up and TRY AGAIN. Find coping mechanisms, strength, comfort and humor from others going through the same thing online or in local support groups. I suffer from social phobia as well as panic disorders so the Internet helps a lot. Social Phobia Phunnies has some great comics about CTB - Man Superhero.

My ex was really opposed to taking any kind of medication - even advil for a headache so anti-depressants weren't available to me until I left him. It's taken almost a decade but through trial and error I now know what particular meds actually improve my quality of life and make it liveable for me and there was a time I really didn't believe that was even going to be possible. So try to be keep yourself open to trying again until you feel better about life. Keep your appointment and Good Luck we will all be pulling for you.

Answer 2

The fact that you're having flashbacks is a good thing. Obviously, subconsciously you want to deal w/ the issues/pain...help you become stronger emotionally and psychologically. I'm sure even physically as well because the stress may have had an adverse impact on your health. Relationally, you may develop a closer understanding w/ your parents and other loved ones. Most important do it so that you develop strength to confront/overcome future challenges...so you could move forward in life not just exist as a robot.

You have to deal w/ the issue/pain 'head-on' no matter how frightening it may be. It will always be a obstacle preventing you from moving forward until you do. Seek professional assistance. Best wishes for your success.

Answer 3

I'm glad you have made an appointment. What happened was NOT your fault--but it doesn't matter that this is the truth--YOU are the one who has to believe it. A professional should be able to help you with this.

Aside from this, I have discovered that a big key to healing is forgiveness. Ask God to help you forgive--others AND yourself for any part you feel you might have played. Forgiveness doesn't mean making excuses, it just means FORGIVING--period.

Maybe a counselor can help you understand that you are not responsible for the decisions and reactions of your parents.

I wish you the best. It may take time, but stick with the program--and try to find a good support group too.

Answer 4

Yep... you were suffering mental illness... go see a good therapist... then, talk to your parents... apologize... and all that good stuff...

As far as living with traumatic events? Some stuff ya just gotta do. I got me some stuff that'd give ya nightmares if ya thought about it long enough... I'm not saying I'm ok, but I'm not doing badly either... some stuff ya just gotta put behind ya and not remember...

come to grips with the problem, realize your part in it, (If there was any) assign blame FAIRLY, then move on... accept that some things in life happen...

Answer 5

Ask for forgiveness,...and learn to forgive yourself...you are obsessively thinking about all these things...your mind isn't going to stop...I think that Luvox, what my son takes, will be a lifesaver for you...guilt and low self esteem,...coupled by a terrible temorary living situation is getting you down...I swear you have OCD..my son couldnt function either...he obssessed about illnesses all of the time...and you are lonely there, because your OCD is debilitating you...I do not believe you have an illness that can't be cured in time....good luck..and you will find someone to love you as honest as you are?...and you are very honest person..

Answer 6

you findly have to snap out of it!! you have to find something in life that is worth living for. make yourself get out and do things you will feel better slowly. don't expect things to happen over night starting over takes time and patiances, don't rush yourself. however if you keep doing what you are you could mess your life up forever!!!! I HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE I KNOW THE FEELINGS YOU ARE FEELING. DO YOURSELF A BIG FAVOR STOP LETTING LIFE LIVE YOU AND START LIVING LIFE!!!!
you can e-mail me @ [e-mail] if you need to talk. Trust in God he'll help you

Answer 7

Please don't blame yourself for mental problems you had as a child. After some therapy, you'll be able to contact your family and get things back to the way they should be. Of course you will find someone to love you. I will keep good thoughts and prayers for you.

Answer 8

I've got a shitload of things that still haunt me, but at least I stopped waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. When they come back, I just think of my redhead...rub my temples...take a deep breath...and smile.

Works every time.

Answer 9

I went and looked in the window of the apartment that my father was killed in. (I was there too.) It was upsetting but also reassuring in a sense that I could accept what had happened. He died when I was four and I was able to go back 10 years later.

Answer 10

stop trying to control or deny your pain face it and accept it as yours forgive everyone and forgive yourself and then let go of the pain lonliness is a bottomless pit that will not let go you are the one who must let go and walk away and you must acknowlegde accept and forgive first and love yourself like you deserve you cannot just go out and take compassion from the world you must create it for yourse4lf and give it and then you wil recieve it,love is no where to be found in the world because it is inside of you

Answer 11

You are probably doomed. If you don't escape into drugs, you'll be miserable forever. The issue will be getting money for drugs, and that should have been the subject of your question.