My 9 year old daughter is having trouble sleeping!!!?

Question

This is not the first time, she has had spurts of the same complaints. She cries to go to bed by herself and when she finally goes to sleep, she is in bed with her dad and I before the night is through. She says she doesn't know why she can't sleep, she just needs me next to her so that she can feel me next to her. Her (biological) dad came into her life about a year and a half ago (after disappearing for 6 years) and this is her 3rd or 4th spurt since then, she never had a problem going to sleep before. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to comfort my daughter. I am running out of answers and lacking sleep just isn't helping at all.

Badspe11er:
I call him her dad because we have been together since she was a year old and that is all she really knows, she understands that he is not her real (bio) dad but feels a bond between them. I did not ask her to call him this, it was a decision made upon herself. You seem quite hostile..any reason??

Answer 1

Ok, not sleeping could be 1 of 2 things: physical or mental. (obviously) So let's try to rule out the physical.
It could be she needs help "getting to sleep" physically, so warm milk before bed may help.
It could be that she wakes up in the night to use the bathroom, so no beverages 1 hr before bed may help to sleep through the night.
It could be that she is consuming too much caffeine in the form of chocolate or sodas, so reducing this may help her to sleep through the night as well.
Circadian rhythms may be off if she has been up late at night for too many consecutive nights. Going to bed earlier at the same time each night would eventually correct this.
[warm milk or restriction of fluids may be effective after a night or two, but reduction in caffeine intake will take time as the caffeine levels reduce over time. patience.]
Now then, let's assume you have tried all of the above, gave each experiment ample time to work and none of them have had any success. In this case maybe you should look towards the mental.
She may be upset that her father figure had left, and looking for comfort that someone is always around, it could be the electra complex, it could be sexual abuse, it could be troubles at school, it could be anything.
At the age of 9, if she is not mentally retarded in any way, then she should be intelligence to know right from wrong, provided that she has been taught such. Have a conversation with your daughter (not one sided discussion but a conversation) ask her why she climbs into bed, and why she thinks it's ok to do so. Really listen to her answer. It may lead you to further questioning and eventually a solution. Let her know how you feel about her night behaviors. Be honest. You'll thank yourself later. She's 9. She's at an age where she's probably heard more things than you would like to know and she may be understanding and try to help you in your situation. Of course she's also still only 9, so she may not want understand your point of view if it conflicts with her own desires.
If you suspect anything strange, physical or mental (probably mental at this age) then I would see a psychiatrist to help you find a solution to you and your daughter's problems.

Answer 2

If anyone can answer this question, it is ME. I have been right where you are, at the end of my rope with exhaustion due to my daughter's thinking it is ok to try to go to sleep in my room. It is NOT ok, and if you don't stop it now, it will get worse. How I finally stopped it, was I bought her a stuffed animal, and reserved it for ONLY the reason I am about to tell you. I made a ritual out of hugging and kissing the animal 100 times, (filling it with my love should she need it in the night.) I also told her a story about WHY i picked out this perticular animal... "because it told me it would protect my little girl and keep bad dreams and spookies away..." I would poke the animal in the tummy about 100 times as well, all the while "filling it with good dreams..." I would say over and over, while poking it, "good dream, good dream, good dream, good dream..." It worked WONDERS... try it out tonight. Go buy an inexpensive stuffy that looks cuddly and try this ritual. The key to making it work is persistance. You will have to do this every night for awhile, to let her know you have properly filled it with love...

Hope this helps you and good luck... (and sweet dreams to you!)

Answer 3

My son is 11 and has problem sleeping too, his biological father is deceased and I remarried two years ago, moved into a new home. He says music at bedtime helps him sleep, a hall light, with the door cracked helps too, until he falls asleep. He says he can't sleep because he can't shut off the thoughts, so music is a definite help, redirects him, even in the middle of the night. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Last night on the news there was an article on about sleep apnia. Sometimes young kids as well as adults are not getting enough oxegen. In children it can be do to enlarged tonsils or lymphnoyds. I'm not sure what you could do except ask a doctor. They can make the tonsils smaller surgicly.

Answer 5

Yeah, this does not sound good :)
Mabye she needs a new hobby, or music to listen to. Try putting something new in her room, something that stands out, something that will make her feel safe, something that she can identify herself with. Also, try rearranging the room, making sure there's no clutter in the walkways. Get her a pet fish...the flowing water alone can give her comfort. These things may or may not help.

Answer 6

poor thing - both of you, actually. that's got to be tough.

i'm going through a similar problem with my 3-year-old (although it's obviously different due to age and emotional issues.)

the first thing i had to do was lay down with her at night. then when she woke up and came into our room, i had to wake up enough to take her back to her bed. sometimes i'd lay down with her there just because i was so freaking tired.

i still have to hold her hand at night. we're working on it.

with a nine-year-old, though, it sounds like y'all could really use some time with a good family counselor. you've got some stuff going on and it may be that your daughter just doesn't know how to express some things - like maybe fear of abandonment triggered by her biological father's reappearance.

good luck.

Answer 7

Long's Drugs...."CALMS" Its a homeopathic over the counter medicine. Its relaxes them...Its really good for flying, boat rides and so on as well.

The best part...its all natural so you don't have to worry about drugging your child.

And yes..She is too old to be sleeping in your bed and your husbands...That just seems wrong.

Answer 8

Put an aquarium in her bedroom, somewhere she can see it as she lays in bed. The bubbles of the filter and the sight of the fish swimming is very soothing. She is too old to be sleeping with you and your husband. Tell her that she has to stay in her own bed because it is where she belongs.

Answer 9

i dont know if this could be part of the problem,but it might help-no caffeinated sodas,no iced tea unless made with de-caf tea,no chocolate,no hot chocolate-maybe she is consuming too much caffeiene ??? a soda that wouldnt affect an adult very much,can keep a child awake.that may not be the whole problem,but it may be part of it.ask what they serve @ school/camp/friends houses-a lot of parents dont give caffeinated drinks,but these are given to the children elsewhere.hope it helps.

Answer 10

Take her to a pediatrician, this is no place for medical answers. Really don't even know why they have the category on here for real