Honest reactions to this please!?

Question

In a restaurant with the family (3 kids, mom, and dad) (1 child in a wheelchair). A lady comes up to this child and hands him a $5 bill and says, "This is because you have a nice smile." What do you say or do?

The final result was, dad told woman "no thank you." She insisted on allowing the child to keep the money. Dad said, "thank you." Money was kept and dad said to child, "we will donate it to the church," which was done.

Answer 1

How incredibly rude and tacky! I guess the others don't have nice smiles?!! And it is not a value you want to teach your children that looks are what gets you by, and that this should be valued more than the person themselves. Although she meant well, I would say, "No, thank you. We teach our children not to talk to or accept gifts from strangers." This solves the issue without offending anyone, and maybe she will think twice before she does this again.

Answer 2

I think the woman just felt so moved that the child in the wheelchair had the ABILITY to still smile, being a child wheelchair-bound has to be tough, that the woman just wanted to do something nice, perhaps the child inspired her to look at her own life, and that she doesn't smile enough, that she is more fortunate than the child in that she has the ability to walk...perhaps she had a sort of emotional epiphany, that she should be more thankful for what she does have going for her...who knows for sure, but obviously she felt motivated to do something special for the child in return. Perhaps she was so touched by all of these thoughts, it didn't occur to her at the time to do the same for the other children, given the chance to think about it, perhaps she would have also done so for the other ones. But, there is nothing wrong with children learning to be happy for others' good fortune at a young age, (empathy). I can only guess at what I would do, but I think as a parent I would allow the child to accept it, with a thank you from the child-(good manners)- and as a parent saying something to the woman like: "he/she" does have a lovely smile, I agree; I believe you just helped to widen that smile of his/her's, and that was very thoughtful of you, thank you very much." It was a sweet gesture of that woman, and should be responded to as such, in my opinion.

Answer 3

I would be very offended, but I would try to recover long enough to be kind and considerate to a dingle-berry who was trying to be nice, and didn't know how. Personally, I think it was gauche and insensitive of that lady.
Wheel-chair bound people are people first. THEY know they are different. They long to be average.
I HOPE that I would smile and say "Thank You for your kindness."
When she had left, I would use it as an opportunity to explain to the children what happened, and what the kind thing to do is.
Etiquette/manners is about making OTHER people comfortable. I would hope to teach my children that even when something embarrassing or awkward happens, they need to be kind and courageous, and help that other person not be hurt or embarassed. Etiquette is not about how I feel, but taking care of others.
What she should have done is stop and say hello to EVERYONE and then move on. Or Smiled as she walked by and said nothing.

Answer 4

I doubt it was the child's smile, but rather the wheel chair. Donating to the church was a nice tough. I would have used it as an opportunity to teach a lesson about sharing by buying a treat all three children could share.

Answer 5

You simply smile and say thank you. Some people are terribly unsure of what to do around a handicapped child and for some unfathomable reason, this is how they show support for the family.

Years ago I used to work as a volunteer with "severely multiple handicapped" children. We had a field trip to the mall once and a stranger gave us a $20 bill saying "give these kids a treat, please." And we simply smiled, thanked her, and put it towards our expenses for the day. (Hard to "treat" a dozen kids with various abilities and needs on $20!)

Answer 6

I'm sorry but I just took an instant dislike to the whole scenario. I would have thanked the woman politely (If I'd been able to) & expressed the notion that we didn't reward our children for genetics but we did for character and responsibility, though not with the reward of financial gain.

I'm not sure that wouldn't have crossed the border of politeness or not, but I'd have smiled when I said it before urging the child to do the responsible thing and return this 'nice' lady's money.

Answer 7

I think that this singles out the child. That child might be thrilled about getting 5 dollars, but does that mean that the other 2 don't have pretty smiles? If it were me, I think that I'd have been confused, but I'd have returned the money. After all, my child is just in a wheelchair... he or she is not a charity case.

Answer 8

Say thank you, then if the kids are old enough, explain to the three of them that the lady was trying to be nice. I'm sure they are used to getting nasty comments, so a nice one would be a refreshing change. She was wrong to single out one child, but did so with the best of intentions.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I don't think it was the right thing to do, but the woman's heart was in the right place. She wanted to do something nice for the handicapped child, but it came off all wrong. She should have just complimented the parents on what a nice family they have and left it at that.