How to raise a boy in this world...I'm so scared?

Question

In seeing how the youth of today have turned out (not all of them), I'm afraid that I will fail as a parent. I don't want him to turns to gangs and be a drug dealer/user. What tools do I need to assist me with proactive parenting?

Yes, I am married to his father!

Manny, thannk you!

Answer 1

Common sense, strong will, good communication skills, education, and a loving heart.

You will do fine :-)

Answer 2

I know how you feel but I hate to say this my son probably wont do those things since he has autism, maybe a blessing in disguise for me BUT I DO have a daughter and I know my fear is her getting pregnant as a teen but I have an idea for that one ( well tell you in second )
IF you read my question you know I worry all the time if Im doing it right. There are no manuals. Just love and communication. The best thing I can suggest to keep them away from those types of environments where that type of activity is considered normal. BE there for them at all costs, let them know from an early age that those things are not acceptable. Place him around responsible and respectful people as well. I dont know if you're married or not but sometimes that does play a role, if you're not married make sure he has some kinda father figure in their life. NO matter what someone says kids need SOME TYPE of father figure in their lives even if its a grandfather or uncle or the actual father.

As far as what im gonna do for my daughter, when shes about 13 im gonna take her to somewhere thats run down and desirable to live in and have her talk to young mothers who are struggling and have her take care of a colicky baby for one night ( with me with her of course ) and let her know that if she decides to have sex she could end up in a situation shes not gonna like and this might be her life. Sounds harsh huh? well if thats what it takes!

Answer 3

The fact that you are concerned about drugs and gangs now is a step in the right direction! Good for you.

I don't have any boys, but I worry about whether or not I'm raising my children correctly. Someone told me once that the best mothers are the ones that question their abilities, it's too easy to make mistakes if you are sure you can't make them.

I would say the best tools you can provide yourself and your child are education and strong family support. Remind him everyday how proud he makes you, and let him know if he does something wrong, glossing over the bad days might make him think you don't mind when he disappoints you.

Answer 4

A strong heart to love him, a strong back to carry him, a strong voice to call him by his first middle and last name when he's showing out, and a strong arm to beat the hell out of him! No, seriously though raising boys is terrifying. I've got two and I'm scared for them every day. Don't sugarcoat things. Tell them the truth always even when it's not so pleasant. Never berate or make them feel bad about themselves. It's good that his father is around but momma is the glue that holds it all together. You're his strength, his courage, and his wisdom. All you can do is be the best mom you can, the rest is up to him. Everyone can choose what kind of person they want to be. Give him everything he needs to make the best decisions, but support him even if he doesn't always make the right choice. Good luck mom and dad!

Answer 5

It is definitely hard. Dont live in a big city, that helps with the gang part and then all you can do is try to teach them about your morals and what you dont want them to do. LIE say drugs will kill you the first time you try it and make up a health reason. I know it sounds horrible it is what I did to my daughter and she did not try drugs until a lot later than her friends because she thought she would have an asthma attack. I feel that because she did not try them until much later than her friends, she didnt continue to do them. I dont care if it is right it worked and at least she is not out there doing coke like her some of her old friends.

Answer 6

Girl, I know just what you mean. I'm raising a son myself. He's 11 years old and it is a challenge...for both of us!

He has ADHD and with that label, elementary school wasn't always pleasant for him. However, he made it through and goes to Jr. High School next Tuesday! He gets straight A's, reads on a 10th grade reading level, and scores off the charts on all state tests. (he's in the 85th percentile NATIONALLY for reading and in the 80th percentile NATIONALLY for math!)

1. You need to have patience, even when you feel yourself loosing your temper, remember that he's a child and it's our RESPONSIBILITY to show them to right way.

2. Listen to him. Let him know that he can talk to you about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, without being judged or dismissed. My son and I regularly have talks about sex, drugs, STD's, birth control, etc. I take at least 2 days out of my already hectic week and just talk a walk with him, go to lunch with him, see a movie, whatever. Just Spence and Momma time, you know?

3. Let him know that you are there for him 1,000,000% As single parents, we're busy with work, furthuring our educations, church, socializing, etc. Put that same effort into your son; the pay-off is HUGE!

4. Take a parenting class, I did! He was 3 and I knew that I didn't have the tools that I needed, so I asked for help. So many of us want to wear that 'Super Woman' hat. But, even super women need a little advice and/or help, once in a while.

****Most importantly, LOVE your child and TRUST yourself. I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job!

Answer 7

Be involved in EVERYTHING he does. And teach him to WORK. I'm so sick of seeing these boys just hanging out all the time. They look like shaggy dogs and half the time you can't tell if it's a he or she. There is nothing wrong with teaching a boy to mow lawns in the summer, or doing a paper route everyday. It teaches them character which is severly lacking these days. I'm not saying he is to never have fun. But fun is overrated. When they are real young, like from 1 1/2 to 2 yrs. old, is when you can start to teach him to work. He needs to make his bed, clean his room, and put his toys away. Will it be perfect?? Heck no!! But it teaches them responsibility, which is another thing severly lacking these days. If your son is out working, then he's too tired to get in trouble. Also, a little help from the Lord is never a bad thing. Pray for your children daily and ask Him for wisdom and guidance.

Answer 8

Always be there for your kids. Even if you're working 2-3 jobs. Motherhood is the most important job you have at all times. You have to really believe in yourself to create kids who are good kids. and good is not always doing the right thing all the time. It's knowing the difference. You're the example and when you're wrong,, don't be afraid to admit it to your son. I always say lay a good foundation, that means in the really early years and you know what; no matter what kind of house they lay on it if the foundation is good the house will always have a base. They can always start from the ground up with better material which you're always giving them they are young.

Answer 9

It is difficult raising any gender of a child. Being open and honest about society as well as educating yourself. Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Jeffery Dobson is very good, as well as kids are worht it by Barbara Colossal. I have 4 boys to raise, and all I can do is teach them right from wrong, and hope that I still enough morals and values in them that they will turn out to be an asset to society

Answer 10

Just raise him how your parents raised you. I have a 16 month son myself. So far its been easy teaching him whats bad and whats good. I'm just lucky that when my son gets older and can fully understand things i can just point to one of my friends and say see.. this is what drugs do to you. they make you stupid as ****..

So pretty much just talk to him about it when he gets to be that age and answer any questions he has because i know the reason i did drugs when i was younger *before i had my son* was that my mom never answered my questions about what they were like what did they do and questions like that so i tried them to find out.

I hope that helps you.

Answer 11

There is also a great book called "The Good Son" which talks about raising boys and how to teach them good morals. It even suggests good books and movies to watch with your sons that teach lessons about integrity, honesty, etc. It covers every age of your boy's life, so regardless of how old your son is now, it can be a great resource. Good luck!