I am supporting her every way possible,( including financially and i have just been made redundant from work ) She wont listen to any of the advice her family gives her, She does everything she wants regarding her boyfriend and does not seem to mind the pain she causes to me or her dad and family, Because she is pregnant i dont want to upset her, We all know the pain she is going to go through with this boy but she just wont have it, Has anyone any advice?
2006-08-24 08:18:21 · 18 answers · asked by sadmum 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Her life - let her face whatever is on its way. It is too bad that she is such a bad seed but until she faces what a mess she is making out of her life there is nothing you can do, except, why are you supporting her financially? Once the money dries up and boyfriend doesn't put up then she SHOULD come slinking home.
2006-08-24 08:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. I have a 17 1/2 yr old at home myself. What you have to try to understand is that the basic prcedent was already set 4-5 years ago with her. She is who her parents raised and it is almost impossible to back up the time clock to change things now. Life is the most effective teacher that we as people will ever encounter . She will have to go through whatever it is that life has in store for her now even though it's gonna pretty difficult for you to witness. As with any minor that lives under the care of an adult there are ( or should be ) certain rules that have to be followed eeven if she's pregnant. I am assuming the father is under 18? It is still statutory Rape and he could be prosecuted if you really wanted to go that far. Then she would hate you even more . Look at it like this , she wants to go play house.... So that should be exactly what she gets . Can she support herself? Can her BF support her and a family on the way? Can you let go enough to see if they can work it out? Then she dosen't have a choice in the matter . If you continue to financially and emotionally cave into her closed minded behavior then you will not be doing her any favors. If you don't like her BF now you definatley wont like him later either . So make a choice! Let them fend fo themselves until they fall on thier faces OR teach them how to deal with real life by whatever means it takes like you should have been doing all along. Nothing is ever easy and sometimes as parents, as much as we don't want to , the hardline approach to parenting is sometimes what they really need the most. Otherwise let em fly on thier own. Your choice.
Good luck and God bless you all.
2006-08-24 15:41:51 · answer #2 · answered by RhinoBoy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this situation myself but I was the daughter. The only thing that I can tell you is that she will not listen with her mind as long as she is listening with her heart. She is too young to be making these kinds of serious decisions just like I was. I am not ridiculing her or you in any way I have the utmost sympathy for you and what this is doing to your family. The only thing that I can say is if you are putting down the boyfriend stop it now! I know this is not what you want to hear but the more you put him down the more you are pushing her towards him. She will spend less time defending him and more time thinking about the mess that she is in if you do. What you and your family can do is to let her know that you all are there for her if she needs you. You said that you were also supporting her financially. You are enabling her to continue with what she is doing. You are going to have to give her some tough love. If she wants to be with this person she is going to have to make it on her own and trust this person to take care of her, but if she wants you to continue to help her financially she has to come home and leave that situation. If you cut her off financially no matter what she says or does you have to stand firm because she will try to play on your sympathies by being pregnant and pass the word along to all family members not to give her any money. The only question I have for you is why is this person not in jail for statutory rape? I have all sons and I talk to them about age limits all the time. I have not daughters but if I did the man that is ruining my baby girl would be under the jail regardless of what my daughter thinks.
2006-08-24 15:39:24 · answer #3 · answered by lovejones4je 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got pregnant at 17 by an abusive partner. I married him days after my 18 birthday. I gave birth. I became a married, working, abused Mom. I was cheated on. But I finally smarted up and left. I'm 20 now. I have scars. I have a lawyer. I still have my sweet son. All you can do at this point is make sure she finishes high school. Be there for her when the baby comes. You have to let her get hurt. It's the only way she will learn. I broke my father's heart when I left home. But he had to let me go. Daddy and I are doing good now. Your daughter will learn and grow too. This to shall pass.
2006-08-24 15:26:54 · answer #4 · answered by murph_ltt 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you have to step back and let your children make their own mistakes. It may pain you to do so (you sound like a good mum) but she has made her bed, now she needs to lie in it. The BEST thing you can do is let her make her mistakes and be there for her when she realizes that you actually DO know what you're talking about. She clearly isn't listening to reason and isn't going to until she is given enough leeway to accept the full consequences of her decisions. Only then will she learn that it is tough being a parent and that she needs a partner who supports her and her child.
2006-08-24 15:26:53 · answer #5 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am a family therapist...i think i can help you. somehow your daughter has learned to kinda do her own thing. i can only assume you have given to her certain privileges and freedoms that are adult like. she is, however, still a minor and both you and her father are responsible for her; and teaching her to make good choices and decisions.
with teens limits must be set and maintained. they can be negotiated within reason as long as they do not violate family and social standards. you and your husband must first sit down and make some decisions yourselves: 1) if she stays with you, she has to do certain things, i.e., basis chores, 2) no boy that is abusive, 3) no sex in your house, no intimacy with a guy, 4) she must stay in school, 5) obey school and social rules, laws, 6) go to family counseling with the family.
when kids get use to doing things their way, they believe that they should continue. she needs re orientating, which she will more than likely defy. but, it has to happen. she simply can not live in your house without following your rules. her other option could be a maternity home.
2006-08-24 15:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by rwedifferent 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but u may b at fault 4 dis. if u knew sumwat about dis n did not care to bother its then totally b'coz of ur ignorance. n if u didnt no dis then mebbe u r not so much into her life. but does she want the baby or gotta hav an abortion. even if talking to her is waste u think go to her boyfriend n tel him to b in ur place n feel wat a mother goes thru. are u sure the boy wil hurt her in the future?? try dealing this issue tactfully.don b 2 strict 2 her but at the same time dont leave her the way she is. all da best . if u still want my help u can get my ID n mail me. hope everything goes well
2006-08-24 15:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is 16 yrs old and yes pregnant, but still a child herself. I can honestly say this to you and know what I am talking about. I was 16 when I had my daughter and put my parents through hell. At that time I probably would of hated them but now I look back and I wish they would have done whatever they could to get me away from the jerk that got me pregnant. Don't be afraid to upset her she is pregnant not dieing. Do your best to get her away from him. They do have schools for pregnant teenagers. I know it sounds harsh but it may be a blessing for her later in life, believe me!!!!
2006-08-24 15:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by Mechelle B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes.
You're a fool. You are the one who is going to be more hurt. I would either turn her over to child protective services or just kick her out of the house. Tough love is rough on the parents too. It is obvious to me that your daughter knows you're easy to manipulate and she it going to manipulate you as long as you let her.
Tough love will either get her back when she realizes what she is losing or you'll be rid of her until she gets her act together. You did what you could do, but her choices are hurting everybody. It obvious to me that she is not aware or doesn't care who she hurts. If she wants to act grown up, treat her like a grown up.
If you can't do this, then don't bring your drama to us. I for one refuse to support you when you agree to be taken advantage of.
TX Guy
2006-08-24 16:01:36 · answer #9 · answered by txguy8800 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you have to step back, be objective, talk with your husband, and make some decisions. stop the games, stop the drama, set some reasonable rules, go over them with your daughter, and then let the chips fall where they may.
give her lots of love but be objective and be real. she may get mad, leave, whatever but if you are loving and consistent she WILL see the truth and come back sooner or later.
even though she's 16 and pregnant she's still a person and you and your husband are still people who all love each other and can work together. demonstrate and expect RESPECT - both ways
2006-08-24 15:28:18 · answer #10 · answered by georgia 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋