is this poem any good?

Question

down

am i cursed
maybe stuck in a web
am i ever going to reach the stars that i want to hold



i am a hostage in a world of black and grey
lost a a city of dispare
trembling from fear of what happens next


how do i change the path
the path i do not want
the path that leads only to distruction
distruction of self

i don't


i cannot reach those stars
the black and grey is my world
the city is mine


i do not change my path
distruction... is my path

Answer 1

not bad, but to be honest, it appears that it focuses on too much on your current state of depression rather than your fruitless struggle against it and your spiraling decent deeper into it (which is what I think you were going for). Over all, I'd give it a 7.5 out of 10.

Answer 2

Speaking to you as a poet, I preface by saying any poem written from one's sincere intimacies within is of high quality and cannot be rated as either good or bad. This poem seems to reflect mood and seems somewhat fatalistic or perhaps a bit melodramatic to the reader. There seems to be a youthfulness to the sentiments expressed, because youth so often feel things with their whole being, from the heights of joy to the depths of despair, thus lending spice and flavor to life for those of us older folks who have settled somewhat into complacency. I would say the person who wrote this particular poem has dreams and yearnings to be special (beyond ordinary) and has set the goals of what is considered success perhaps too far beyond current self-image or social sphere. My advice to this writer would be to keep your ultimate dream, but also set short-term goals that have a chance for success, so you can build the self-esteem and stamina needed to rise to the heights that beckon your soul. There are no real limitations except those you set for yourself, but there are stepping stones ("baby steps") that can strengthen on the pathway to one's Bliss. I thought the analogy of the web ("stuck in a web") showed insight. Hope this helps. Kathie

Answer 3

Quite honestly no. I don't want to discourage you from writing all of us improve as we go on.

This poem read like a journal entry full of abstractions that leave the reader wondering what you are truly saying.

The only line in it that I like that you may want to build around is: "The city is mine".

You need more concrete nouns. You need more deliberate images.

I wish you luck

Answer 4

Sounds trite and cheap. Don't mean to insult, but it is a bit over the top in terms of "my soul is black and dying and im distructing(sic) etc." Could use a lot more description of the actual situation that caused the pain(?).

Anyway, just my opinion.

Answer 5

Keep at it, i think you could improve it a little by using a bit more depth as to why you are so sorrow-full, but aside from that it's very good. Better than i've ever tried. Keep that poetic spark and you'll do fine.

Answer 6

I've read worse

The trembling in dispare is a little much.

Take that out and I could see Metallica having a go at it.

Answer 7

I did not like it. It is so sad and tragic. And it is kind of contradictory, since the person says he/she wants to change his or her ways, it seems he or she accepts the way it just is.

Answer 8

Sad, depressing poem content. I prefer happier thoughts but a good poem.

Answer 9

Good yes, for those of use that suffer deep thought.

Answer 10

very good! the reader can feel exactly how you feel, its ok if it seems 'tragic' or whatever, if thats how you feel then you got it down in the poem very well.