Stupid boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend is usually loving and everything. But when he is going through tough times or worrying, he will be a major jerk to me. Yesterday was a horrible day, he gets mad at me for not being happy also and will be a meanie.

Today he has to go to the army recruiter and i simply asked him when he will be back and if he will be back before i leave. He blew up at me and told me that he can't be here for me all the time. Where did this come from? He makes up stuff like that in his head al the time and gets mad at me.

Should i leave him, i have had about enough with his nastyness. Otherwise we are very loving to eachother and he is a sweet guy. Whenever i go through a rough time he is never understanding and i always have to be happy for him because he is #1 in his head. What can i do to make him know that sometimes he is wrong, i can never get him to think that in his head...

Answer 1

How long have you put up with this? Because I went through the EXACT same thing with my boyfriend. I cried a lot and he threatened to leave me many times. About a year later, I've had it with his mean attitude, that I left him for good. About a week later, he came back to me, and apologized what a mean person he was. We loved each other so much, that I was willing to give him a chance. He changed for me, and was never a jerk since then. He's been treating me like a princess, and never acted like a jerk ONCE.

So maybe your bf will realize how special you are, and change too. I try to believe in the goodness of people, and have faith that people do change. So just leave him, because first of all, you do not deserve this kind of attitude. I'm sure you're a great girl who deserves a guy who will treat you with respect and kindness. Second of all, if you leave and he realizes what a jerk he has been, he'll come back and change for you. If not, then just leave him for good.

I hope I helped you =)

Answer 2

When are the "usual times" that he is loving and everything? Is it solely when things are going his away and you are pleasing him? Is he ever nice to you during his "rough times"?

I think, from what you've shared, that he is completely wrong for you; not just you but any woman, while he is in this "me first phase". I suggest that you either: leave him, let him know you're fed up and considering leaving him for good (to see if he'll desire to change himself), or accept him as he is and prepare yourself for further unhappiness.

There may be nothing you can do to "make him realize or know that he is wrong"; he doesn't seem all that open-minded but in fact, very egocentric or self-centered. I wish you all the best as you decide what to do.

Answer 3

You are seeing how he is going to be the rest of his life. It is his pattern. He is nice sometimes, but when he is stressed or the going gets a little tough...he is going to take it out on you.

I don't want to say breakup...as you may not be ready. But consider if you would want to deal with this the rest of your life. There are men that are more mature. There are men that can remember that the one you love is not the one to dump things on.

You sound inciteful and smart about the relationship. Try talking to him. He may not hear it at first...but if he is going to improve, that is a way to let him know how to behave.

If things don't change. Move on. Would you like to think that you married a jerk? Right now..you can say I just date a jerk! Be smart and good to yourself.

Answer 4

From what it sounds like to me, as far as I understand, most of the time he's a normal, caring boyfriend who has a hot temper under stress.
My advice to you is that you consider all the factors before you go off and make a decision.
It sounds like he's really a rather sweet man, but that he's got some anger management issues he needs to work out before the two of you can really have a meaningful relationship. It's probably just that he still has the temper of a child, he goes off without restraint or consideration to how he's affecting you (or anyone else).
He may change as he matures, or he may not. The bottom line is that the change must come from within him, only he can change himself. No one can change a person for them. What you can do is sit him down and have a little 'talk' with him, address the issue. It may be hard for him to take what you have to say, it's always hard for men to take criticism from the women in their lives.
Remember this: If he's a good enough man to respond positively in whatever way to this issue, the problem isn't going to vanish overnight. Change always takes time, it never happens overnight. (I know this because I still deal every day with the changes I need to make in my own life to make myself a better man)
So, at this crossroad, you have one of two choices to make. You can either stay with him and try to help him, if he's willing to make something better of himself and grow out of his childhood, or you can leave him and try to find someone better. Keep in mind however, all men have some kind of issue they have to work on, no man is the fabled Prince Charming. If you do decide to leave him, you're going to run into this problem with another, maybe not in anger management or temper issues, but in something. The choice is yours, you must weigh all the factors for yourself and come to your own conclusion.
On the other hand, if you do have this little talk with him, bring this issue up many times, and he reacts violently to it every time, he's got some more serious issues and it may be in your best interests (and safety) to leave him.

Answer 5

Your boyfriend is a drama mama. I have had that problem with past boyfriends. He's disrespecting you and taking out his anger and problems on you. Basically, he's using you as a punching bag because you're available and you're there. That's horrible that he has to be nasty with you and can't even support you in your times of need. I say sit down and talk with him about how this makes you feel. If he doesn't understand, suggest a break to clear your heads. Maybe he will change after he realizes how it is when you're gone.

Answer 6

You can not be responsible for his happiness. It sounds like he is sweet to you only when things are going good. There are just as many hard times if not more in life...not good for the LONG haul if that is what you are looking for.

Have you mentioned it to him? He might not even realize he does it? Try to talk to him about it, if it doesn't help, move on. A relationship takes two.

Answer 7

The first thing you need to do is communicate openly with your boyfriend. If you can't have open conversations with him, without him getting angry, I think you need to take a step back and evaluate your situation. I have been there I didn't like how I was treated, so I ended the relationship. It was the best thing I could have done. Hope this helps a little.

Answer 8

I would try to talk to him about it. If it didn't change then I would leave. Maybe it will be a wake up call for him and maybe not but you deserve someone who will be there for you when you need them the most. Just my opinion. You really have to decide what works best for you. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Weird how women compromise their happiness for their men...why should he be openly mad,,,while u stay all ''goody and listening and not saying a word''.....he is misplacing his anger on you. why dont u tell him that u dont like this attitude of his and that it is not your fault in any way. do u expect him after marriage to be an ANGEl....
just weigh your things dear, which is better: living the way u do with him or living alone or finding another guy??
Remember that you should be # 1 for him too.
take care
bye

Answer 10

Sounds like he has issues that only a qualified counselor can help solve, be supportive but not at the expense of being so sad yourself because then you will have the issues.
GOOD LUCK!