How do I teach my 2 year old to say "please"?

Question

My daughter is normally a very polite child, she says "thank you" (she quite often says "you're welcome" for me), she says "bless you" when you sneeze or cough, but she refuses to say "please". She will ask repeatedly for me to read to her or for me to make a toy work and grows hysterical when I won't do it.

I know that the best thing to do is keep asking her to say "please" but after a half an hour of screaming over a book, I wonder if this is the wrong approach. I need some new ideas.

Answer 1

After a half hour, a two year old has forgotten what the conversation was all about.

Don't push so hard.

Say it to her, "Mommy, read to me please" and see if she'll repeat it. Or say, "How do you ask?" and see how she answers. Remind her, but don't spend so much time stressing both of you out about it!

Answer 2

Don't stress her out - and don't play a win or lose game, it's never positive for either. Tell her it's a magic word that opens many doors, especially when followed by a smile. After that when she forgets ask her what the magic word is, if she doesn't say it tell her it's please and get on with the story or whatever. She may not react the first few times because this has been an argument up to now, but she'll play the magic word game and it will then become a habit!!! Take it easy!!!

Answer 3

You just need to be firm. Tell her "I am not reading the book because you did not say please. But if you say please, I will. That is the deal." Be sure to say all of this or she may (and may anyhow) get the idea that begging is how you get things. The rule is ALWAYS to NEVER give in to a tantrum. If she begs but wont say please, she is asserting her strength over you.

Also, work on it in front of her with someone else. Don't point out what you are doing, she is 2...she will notice. For example. when dh is home have him ask for some juice. Then you say "Only if you say please." THEN Daddy says PLEASE and he gets the juice, jump up and down, pat Daddy on the back, practically throw a party in his honor. DD will get it. This works well for potty training too, lol. See you when you get around to that!

Answer 4

Just the same way she learned to say Thank You, You're Welcome and Bless You. When you want her to do something, say what you want and add please. When you ask your hubby or anyone else for something, add please. She'll pick it up and start using it. If you really think she could be saying please and is just being 2, you can simply refuse to do what she asks and walk away from her when she starts having a tantrum. But, you've been doing all the right things so far, so just do what you do.

Answer 5

Just be sure that she hears you saying "please" a lot. She should come around eventually. It's my experience that this is just one way that toddlers exert some control with their parents. Just walk away and ignore her if she throws a fit because you won't do what she wants you to without saying please. Also, try really hard not to give in. If she realizes that she will get her way eventually, she will continue to refuse to say "please." I have a 2 year old girl also. Good luck!

Answer 6

at 2 they learn by seeing so make sure all the adults around her use their pleases. eventually shell start saying it. right now too she may just be not saying it to testyou too. just dont give in when you aske her to say it and she doesnt. ok then i cant read you your book.....and stick with that.. even if you get a temper tantrum.

Answer 7

Maybe just drop the issue for a while. Give her a few weeks and then try again, gently. Keep modeling, though - always use please when asking her to do something. Also, since she likes books, maybe you can find a book about saying "please" so that she can see that her favorite characters say it, too.

Answer 8

I think the best way to get them to do it is to model it and do it yourself whenever you request anything. If children hear you do it hopefully they will do it. Also, whenever my children have asked for something without saying please we ignore them until they say it, often hinting that we didn't hear a certain word. If they asked for something and they were rude about it, I usually say, "How would you ask for something if you wanted it?" Generally they respond with, "Could I please have ...." Good luck. I hope this helps.

Answer 9

don't give in. It may get frusturating, but DO NOT give her something or do something for her if she does't say please. She will learn that she gets it if she says pease and she doesn't if she doesn't. It may take a couple days of screaming, Don't scream at her, and don't repeatedly say "say please". If she asks for something, simply tell her to say please. If she doesn't say it, then say "ok, well you can have it as soon as you say please". Don't bribe her to stop crying, because that teaches her that if she cries she will get what she wanted plus some. Let her cry, and maybe after a while, just remind her that as soon as she says please she can have what she wanted to begin with.

good luck!

Answer 10

You need to model it all the time yourself to her and when you speak to other people. Also, consider making games out of it, ex: throw a ball back and forth and say please and thank you. Do fun stuff and the modeling for awhile before you ask her to say please for real. She might start saying it on her own when there is no pressure.