* Do you feel this way, parents ?

Question

I am a parent of a 2.5 yr old boy ( asd diagnosed, autism spectrum disorder ) and a 17 month old girl. I always assess my parenting, once every 2 weeks. I always feel Im NOT doing enough for them. I'm not reading enough to my daughter, IM not doing enough therapy with my son. My house should be spotless ( yes I have friends who keep a spotless house )
I dont cook every single meal and I feel guilty about that as well.
Im always analyzing my parenting so I can be better

anyone else does this on a regular basis?

I just wanted to say thanks for the kind words all and believe me my house isnt clean( you could come over for a visit and not be appalled type of clean,lol )
and no one has to walk around egg shells around me.

Answer 1

First of all, I don't trust any parent with a spotless house! What are the kids doing while they spend all that time cleaning? Watching Spongebob?

Yes, I beat myself up often, wondering whether I am doing the most wholesome activities with my kids 24/7. I feel like my second born doesn't get the attention my first did. I wonder if they get enough exercise time, reading time, together time, alone time... I wonder how I've let 5 years slip by without teaching them Spanish like I had planned.

Truth is, when I really just relax and look at the families around me, I realize that the love and the time we spend together is all they need to thrive, even excel. My "neglected" child amazed me when he cut a "perfect" circle with scissors the other day- I never taught him that; it's just proof that he benefits from the things I do with big sister. And my first born always amazes me with her kindness; again- not from any lessons I've taught her, just from the kindness we share at home.

You're doing an awesome job. Don't beat yourself up about it. The housework isn't going anywhere, but the next five years of your children's lives will fly by!

Answer 2

hi, im not a parent, but im a child, and hopefully you still respect my opinion. my mom does this all the time. shes always worried that shes not doing enough. she tries to be supermom. she cleans, she takes care of us, she takes care of her husband, she drives my brother all around to his practices, she cooks, etc... and when she doesn't do these things she feels like such a bad mom. as a child, i don't know why she does this. she does more for me than anyone i have ever known. i really hope you realize that you are your childs hero no matter what you do for them. the best thing you can do is give your children love and attention, which you seem to be doing. don't worry about the house, don't worry about cooking. enjoy carry out and dishes in the sink while you have your kids at home with you, because someday they will go to school, or college, and you won't have anything to do but clean the house and cook. i can not even imagine how hard it would be to be a mother. im 22, and i still dont think that i could EVER be as good a mother as my mom. moms are so special, and no matter what, you will always have that special bond for your kids. please stop worrying, i know they're young and cant communicate to you for the most part, but they wouldn't want you to worry. and if they were old enough, they would tell you that you're doing a great job, because you are.

Answer 3

Sometimes I do. But then I realize that I'm a human being and there is always going to be chores to do and the only thing I can do is to do my best. I think it's human nature for everyone to want to do better whether it be in sports, work, cooking or whatever. Instead of constantly finding ways to become a better mother, why don't you give yourself a pat on the back for the work that you do that comes with Motherhood. It's a hard job but it takes a special person like you to do it.

Answer 4

RELAX
You have a special needs child that is stressful enough. No parent is prefect. The ones that have the super clean houses are cleaning instead of spending time with their children. The ones who spend all their time with their kids have other areas in their lives that are lacking.
Are you kids happy and healthy? That's is the only question you need to ask yourself. If the answer is YES then you have nothing to worry about.

Answer 5

do not stay in that stat of mind for long. it's dangerous. I have one daughter. I was trying to spend time with my daughter and my husband. Tring to keep a spotless house (with toddlers is damn near impossible) and making dinners doing dishes, laundry, and taking care of a dog I didn't like. I am now on very strong celexa(antidepressant) and I then had problems with drugs and alochol. luckily it did not last long. I got put in jail for the drug use. just remember it not a sign of a bad parent if you eat take out sometimes or ask for help from your husband or a neighbor. You not super woman, though we all wish we could be. Take it easy. if you do not get some "you" time it could have damaging effects on your mental health.

Answer 6

Don't be so hard on yourself. it sounds like you have enough on your plate. Sometimes we have to step back...no one is perfect. there is no such thing as a perfect parent. I recently lost my mother to cancer. I was her main caregiver plus I have 3 children and husband. Sure there were things i feel I should have done differently, but we are only human and God understands. Instead of being your own worst critic give yourself pep talks. My kids get hugs when they need them discipline when they need that. They get clean clothes, healthy meals, and a stable home life. Aren't these things more important than a "spotless house"?

Answer 7

if you keep going at this rate you are going to have a nervous breakdown! I had 2 kids 18 mo. apart both had health issues (one was a preemie and both had sleep apnea). Like you I obsessed about giving all 4 of my kids what the needed and about my house. My grandmother gave me the best advice "just love those kids with your whole heart and as long as the trash is out, dishes are done, and the beds are made everything else is fine" she also reminded me that family and friends are always willing to help if asked! Good luck and relax!

Answer 8

I think all good parents do. Since you do that you are probably doing a fine job. You can not be perfect. Love your children and do the best you can. Show them consistancy and love, they will be fine. It is how you do over the long term that matters. Those people who keep a spotless house have too much time and energy. Spend the time with your kids.

Answer 9

The fact that you analyze your parenting this way tells me that you are a dedicated and loving parent. This is really what kids need most. Stop beating yourself up about not being the perfect parent, whatever that is. Just keep doing the best you can as a parent.

Answer 10

I dont do it on a regular basis but sometimes, then my husband reminds me that I do a great job (even though I think he is just being nice) and I remember that it is mostly self-esteem issues and the fact that I was raised by 2 perfectionist parents. It rubbs off, believe me. I think you too might be a perfectionist. Youhave to be less hard on yourself so you can enjoy parenting more and mostly so that your children don't grow up to be excessively hard on themselves too. (PS- I am having my son tested for developmental delays tomorrow and I know your job its not easy. If you do it in a loving way, then you already deserve a medal.)