Should I let my teenaged son have his girlfriend sleep over night?

Question

I figure I can't stop them from having sex, his girlfriends parents feel the same way. They have a committed relationship, I don't want them sneaking around, I know for a fact they are using reliable birth control.
Is this ok or am I to permissive?

Answer 1

That would be very progressive of you and I'm all for it. Better they should be safe at home than out in the back seat of a car/in the woods somewhere where they can get rousted by the cops.

Congratulations on your modern thinking. Seriously. If there were more parents like you, there would a lot fewer teenage pregnancies.

Answer 2

It is impossible to tell if this line of thinking is a result of your upbringing, or if you have had some sort of head injury, but I am going to assume it is a result of your upbringing.
That being said, ARE YOU NUTS???
Honestly, I agree that you can't stop them from having sex as it is the most natural part of being human. However, do you know how to read? Don't you ever listen to the news, or ever learned anything regarding teenage sex and the devastating results from the end results; teenage parents? Or Aids?
I am NOT BEING PARANOID either, I am a realist. I got my kids birth control when they informed me they were sexually active, just like you have been informed, but I NEVER MADE IT EASY.
Your a PARENT FIRST, A FRIEND LAST, and condoning this behavior, a good question by another post: How DO YOU FEEL about being a grandmother? I am going to add another question; How does it feel to know that you encouraged two teenage kids to risk ruining their lives? You could win the mother of the year for that one.... NOT...
Being "permissive" is one thing, contributing to the delinquency of a minor is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I mean, if you truly believe that this teenage relationship is so "committed" why not allow them to get married? Would you disagree that they are mature enough, I mean afterall they are old enough to have sex, right? What the hell is the difference?
I bet you are getting the point...
I would make it as difficult as hell for them to have sex, for each time they can't increases the chances they WON'T BECOME A TEENAGE STATISTIC. Birth control or not, you know DAMN WELL how well birth control DOESN'T WORK.
And you also know how teenage "commitment" is not REAL COMMITTMENT.
How insecure you must be to even consider this for your son. So insecure in fact that you are willing to gamble HIS LIFE, just so you can be a "cool" mom.

So freakin' sad...

Answer 3

You are a very forward thinking parent :) I'm assuming these children are a bit older, yet of course still young.

You, of course, do NOT want them sneaking around. That is never good and leads to irresponsible decisions because you're options have been cut off.

The kids are already having sex and using reliable birth control. This sounds like a pretty good situation and you should actually congratulate yourself on a job well done parenting so far. I think I was in a situation just like your son. My boyfriend's parents and my own allowed us to spend the night at the other's house.

I'll tell you what my mom said to me. My mother sat me down and told me that she did not like the idea of me having sex in her house, but she understood she couldn't stop it. She told me she was proud that I was able to speak with about sex and that she was happy that I was acting responsible about it. She informed me that should I feel I still wanted to have sex under her roof even though she does not like it, she said that I should respect that there are other people in the house. As in, please don't let the bed bang against the wall and please don't let out screams of ecstasy, etc (of course she didnt say this out right, but it was hidden under her other words).

Obviously your conversation will be a little different because you have a son, not a daughter. The idea, however, is the same. He will know that you respect his right to make the decision, considering he is somewhat of an adult. He will also respect your views, because you sat him down and told him respectfully your views. He will have sex in the house, but you will not be subjected to feeling disrespected by hearing screams or the bed moving.

Please, don't tell your son he's not allowed to have her spend the night. He'll think its ridiculous, considering you already know he and the girl are having sex.

Answer 4

I Think you are a good parent, just for expressing your concern.

Whether your son and girlfriend are in a commited relationship, they are still young,and most important, this is your home,
You have every right as a parent to expect and get respect.
Whether or not, they have protected sex, is not the issue, they should not have you conform to their lifestyle,

Teens are people too. Teens may have the bodies of adults, yet the maturity factor, and responsibilities that go with adult choices, are not that experienced,

I think it is ok to have your sons girlfriend, over, and even often.. and giving them trust to be alone in your sons room, (without checking on them) IS good enough.

If you allow her to sleep over, and they sleep together, this is just bending the rules, or whatever..

When they get married, ok, or even if they are past twenty one years of age,

Again, this is your home, and the fact that you accept the relationship they are in is more than understanding and fair,, and they need to also show you some gratitude and remember whose house it is. Birthcontrol or not, it is a big mistake in my opinion to set aside your values, if anything, holding strong to your values, will set a good example for your kids, even if they disagree.

One day they also will be parents and see things different from the way they do today.

p.s. if it is christmas, or a very special occasion, you may "bend the rules" AND ALLOW THE SLEEP OVER, BUT AS A SPECIAL OCCASION, NOT AS A RULE OF THUMB

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 5

There are lots of good things to say about the situation, all people are being honest and communicating.
I think that the key here is that all parents must be in agreement before allowing this since they are teenagers.

I certainly cannot condone under 18 sex. Emotionally most teenagers are really not ready. There is so much time to enjoy life and childhood is so short, what's the rush?
Don't be bullied by the saying if you don't let us we will do it else were. Parents are supposed to set limits. It is a street that has no end, what next? if you don't let us smoke pot at home we will do it somewhere else?

Answer 6

First of all, the only way to guarantee that there's no pregnancy is to abstain from sex. Birth control greatly reduces the chances of pregnancy, but his girlfriend can still get pregnant.

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to have sex unless you are mature and prepared to deal with all of the potential consequences (i.e. STDs and pregnancy).

Are these kids really prepared to be parents? Most teenage parents do not finish high school or make it college. Teenage parents must sacrifice their dreams and childhood to raise their babies. Would you want this to happen to your son? Are you prepared to help these kids raise a baby because they sure as hell won't be able to do it on their own.

For crying out loud, you're the parent. Lay down the rules. Set some boundaries.

Answer 7

If they're just SLEEPING together, what's the big deal with her spending the night at your house or vice versa?
As for the rest, it sounds as if they are past the "Just Say No" stage if they are using birth control and have talked to you about that.
I know a 50-year-old mother of two adult daughters who slept in separate bedrooms when she and her male companion visited her mother. So the idea of what's "right" and what isn't vis a vis sex outside marriage apparently doesn't seem to have an age limit on it!
Does it make you really uncomfortable knowing that they're hot and heavy in the next bedroom? It IS your home and you can make any kind of rules about what goes on in it. But do you want to force them to go elsewhere?

Answer 8

i would let her spend the night but she would be sleeping on the couch. just because they are committed to each other and you know they have sex doesn't mean that you should lower your morals. even teenagers need to here the word NO when a parent lets them do what ever they want they will feel as though the parent just doesn't care. besides if you let her sleep over in his bed where do you draw the line with other things that come up like wanting to stay out until 4 a,m, I mean its not like you can say " no son you can't stay out, i don't think you are grown-up enough." when you have let him have a girl sleep in his bed.every time they have a chance to have sex, they up the risk that, that reliable birth control will fall.

Answer 9

Hmm, so you know that everytime they have sex, he is wearing a condom and she is taking her birth control pill or something? Yeah right. Im sorry, but I think its a matter of time before you are a grandma. And what do you mean you cant stop them from having sex? Who is the parent here? And, what kind of example are you setting for them whenever they do become parents? Its can be a nasty cycle to begin. How about teaching your kids control? Sex isnt everything.

Answer 10

A better parent would be able to stop the kids from having sex. Talk to them both about what they think they are doing, keep closer tabs on your son and maybe get him to stop seeing this girl. Both sets of parents are way too permissive and you will end up a grandparent way too soon.

Answer 11

I think in a way you're being too permissive.

When I was younger my parents understood if I was in a committed relationship, and they let my boyfriend stay overnight, but only in a different room. And although I didn't like it, I understood why.
They only let us share a room when above 16 (legal sex age here) because then if we did have sex, it would've been legal. I think you should be responsible here. Don't let them sleep in the same room if they're below the legal age. That could be seen as condoning illegal activity or consenting for your son to 'rape' his girlfriend, depending on their ages.