I don't like to go because of family issues, I just believe it's better to stay home and relax and my husband can go by himself with our children. Is that bad or what do you think? I need help with this....
2006-08-24 05:17:47 · 22 answers · asked by yes, it's me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Marriage is a package deal. You marry the man you marry the family and the baggage that goes along with it. You need to go. You may learn something as well. If you don't feel comfortable when you get there then maybe it is time to confront those sometimes irrational fears and deal with them head on. This isn't high school anymore. your an adult. Act like one. Your kids are part of your family to and by not going you are sending a message too them either directly or indirectly but a message all the same.
2006-08-24 05:28:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have an agreement that if we don't want to go to the others family, we don't have to. I visit my parents alone or with the kids, and my mom actually prefers when my husband does not come. She says it reminds her of the old days.
My husbands family lives 2 hours away. I don't go for visits with him any more. He takes the kids because he knows I need some free time too.
When we were first married I went out of obligation. I was so unhappy there that my husband could not enjoy the visit. Now he has fun with his family and I can get caught up on things at home.
It really depends on how your husband feels. You need to talk it over. If he really wants you to go, then you may feel bad staying home. And it may cause division between you. So each couple has to decide what is best for their situation.
2006-08-24 12:49:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good idea to go. But if it's that much of an issue, take turns on when you go. One day your husband takes the kids and the next you go along. Every other time is a great balance and it gives your in-laws a chance to spend time with their son and grandchildren. But when you go it shows you care as a family member and you aren't trying to be rude by blowing them off.
I spend time with my in-laws and my own family. My husband and I take turns going together or by ourselves. Sometimes I visit my in-laws without my husband. Of course it's easier if you get along with them.
I wish you luck, but I feel you should find a compromise that everyone can live with and still make an effort to go on occasion. They are your family too and there are children involved. Set a good example for your children.
2006-08-24 12:36:54 · answer #3 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you do have to visit. Sorry! Tell your husband how you feel and why but then go visit them. These are your kids grandparents. Children LOVE grandparents and they never need to think that you do not love their grandparents. Kids need a sense of security and knowing you approve of their grandparents will help to keep your kids secure. I do not know how often you visit. If these people really get under your skin or have something against you maybe more than one quick visit a week is too much. If you each have something against each other talk it out (without the kids around.) Be the bigger person and like these people anyway. God Bless.
2006-08-24 12:50:28 · answer #4 · answered by gc_manager 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. you have to go especially for whatever occasions your family may celebrate there. When you married your husband you (unfortunately sometimes) also married into his family. Also, I've learned from experience that children resent the parent who stays home for ruining their holiday. It's not fair for you to be so selfish and self-centred. Plaster on a smile, grit your teeth if you have to and be there for the whole family; even extended family and in-laws. Don't impose your personal feelings about your in-laws on your children. These people are their Grand-parents after all.
2006-08-24 12:29:58 · answer #5 · answered by kealey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am gonna go against everyone on this one. If you have a REALLY bad relationship with your inlaws then you shouldn't go. Fighting with them in front of your kids would be worse than not going.
If it is just a "I am bored" or "I can't stand listening to them talk type" of issue then you should suck it up for your family.
As a man with a difficult family I would rather not be put into the position of having to defend either my parents or my wife against the other. So I would rather you stayed home if it was going to be screaming and yelling.
2006-08-24 12:24:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your shoes...stay home and relax for a while. Slowly start short visits, and things can and will slowly start to work themselves out. Present yourself will self respect and respect from them will follow. Hold your head high, be you and they will come around. It's a hard thing to do, I know. But I now have a tolerable relationship with mine! Best of luck.
2006-08-24 12:21:57 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffani E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiance is in the same boat as you... however you are there to support him and it looks as your family is breaking apart when you are not there. Smile and wave... cute and cuddly and if the issues are so large remind your husband that you (who live in your house) are a family.... and that you do not need all of the rest.
2006-08-24 12:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go, because it will affect your kids if you never visit the in-laws. I could always feel the tension between my mom and my grandparents. It's confusing when you're a kid.
But I also know that inlaws suck, and sometimes you just have to do stuff you don't want to for the people you love...
2006-08-24 12:21:05 · answer #9 · answered by kermit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im in the same situation , Dont go , I hardley ever do . For what ?? So you can hear drama ?? No way tell your husband to go and take the kids , plus Im sure they would rather see the kids than anything right? Dont worry about it , they dont pay your bills!
2006-08-24 13:11:37 · answer #10 · answered by MAMACITA 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋