My husband and his ex wife divorced 7 years ago. My in-laws cater to her every need and to the child they had together. Meanwhile since then my husband and I have two other children with us full time. My in-laws bend over backwards for the ex and do not do anything with my husband and I and our other children. They have even said "they love the other child more then any of the other grandkids and she is number one priority on their list" to my face. Now there are two new grandkids that were just married into the family and they are treated better then our other two as well. My husband pays his child support like clock work, and buys her anything she needs to a point. We are very involved with her school stuff as well as activites as we can be since she lives in another state. When is enough, enough? My children are very hurt by the way they are treatedby their grandparents!! When is it time for me to explode on them????
My husband and I have always told his parents how we feel about this and they say "they don't treat them differently". It just pisses me off that one of the children we have at home is their blood and they still treat her like ****! They are the most two faced people I have ever met, they talk so bad about his ex one minute and then the next she walks on water. They did not like her when my husband and her were married, but now they can't get enough of her! And all the ex does is use my in-laws for money!! That is a proven fact and my in-laws know it!
2006-08-24 05:15:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well, look at it this way (from their perspective) his other child was first, the parents divorced making them sad for the child. Their interest is in seeing that that child suffer no more so they do thier best for it. It is not about you or your kids. I had a grandmother who I thought favored my other cousins and I asked my mother why that was. She very smartly told me that grandma "catered to her grandchildren who had no fathers." As young as I was I accepted that because it was true. Some of my cousins had divorced parents, or an alcoholic parent, or something else. Your husbands parents are doing the right thing even if you can't see it. It is the children that suffer and child support received on time does not cut it. His father now has another family and it hurts. Look at this situation from all sides and be glad you have what you have.
2006-08-29 06:23:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation is very much like mine. Except the ex was a girl friend and the child isn't his...but same concept. His parents treat me and my children as if we don't exists but worship the ground the ex and her children walk on. It's good that your husband supports the way you feel and feels the same way. You and your husband should talk to his parents and let them know that your children said it hurts them the way they are treated. Explain that the ex wife is just that an ex wife. They need to move on and start loving you and your children. They also need to love your husbands other children too, don't get me wrong. The grandparents should love all of their grand babies, especially since they are half brothers/sisters. If talking to them doesn't work, allow your children to spend more time with family that does show they care. If your parents love the kids and want to see them all the time, let them. How does your husband feel that they treat his first kids better than his second? He should tell them. If you know that they are two faced, keep your words to a minimum. You don't want them changing up what you said so others don't like you.
2006-08-29 09:42:16 · answer #2 · answered by fin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really sad to hear you are experiencing this...it is truely outrageous people can act that way especially towards your kids...It is hard to do but I think you should accept the fact that they are obviously too self centered to notice the beautifull things they miss out on by just focussing on their other grandchild...
It is their loss and not yours... Just love your children as much as you can and ignore the in-laws and especially the ex-wife..they are not worth the energy...just put all that energy into loving your kids...because that's what is important....when you reflect upon your life you will see the love your kids have experienced and how wonderfull they are...If the in-laws do something right..be grateful for that and acknoledge that to them...who knows they might actually turn over, but don't keep your hopes up and get disappointed... I wish you lot's of strength and peacefullnes of heart...
2006-08-29 09:37:20 · answer #3 · answered by City_Larkii 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it! They feel sorry for his first children because they are without their father. You've got him grow up and move on. You new this before you married him. Somethings dont always seem fair but i'll bet they are doing the best can for ever everyone. Exwifes and children dont just disappear because you married. Making an issue will only reflect bad on you.
In reguard to your email:
Iam a grandmother of four. Iam sorry if you are offended. Smiply stating it will take alot growing up to handle a situation like this. The exwife is a very hard thing to deal with. Peaceful solution is best because this will effect your marriage and children. Why ask a question if you are going to insult the one answering.
2006-08-29 02:24:26 · answer #4 · answered by sher7us 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Now is the time to explode. This is not healthy for your children and will create resentment among the grandchildren. You have no choice other than to protect your children from such horrible people. Growing up I endured the same from my grandmother. I loved her with all my heart but knew where me and my siblings stood. As the oldest it was hard to see how it affected my siblings. Not understanding why they got gloves and our cousins got the big remote control cars. My parents ended the heart break for us by severing ties with her. It hurt not being able to go to grandma's for Christmas, but at the same time it broke my heart in trying to understand why we were different. To this day I am thankful for my parents actions, thankful they loved us enough to protect us. Thankful that we weren't raised with such spite.
It don't seem like the in-laws are reasonable people. Do what you have to do for your children! Good Luck & God Bless
2006-08-24 07:22:33 · answer #5 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your in-laws are awful. I am sorry your children are hurt by this. Don't put up with it. There is nothing you can do about the way your in-laws act, but you can certainly do something about how they treat your children.
I wouldn't bother exploding on them. Just set boundaries on what can be said around your children and how they are treated. If they don't stay within the boundaries then they don't see you or the children. If your in-laws don't come around, then no big loss to you or your children.
Good luck to you. I am sorry you have to put with such jerks for in-laws.
2006-08-27 20:32:06 · answer #6 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is unfair, especially to your children. Maybe his parents feel that because of the divorce she needs extra love and attention. As far as the ex-wife goes, unfortunately she will always be a part of yours and their life since there was a child from their marriage. Patience is so very difficult to exercise in these types of situations, but as long as your children are happy when they visit with their grandparents, you should probably just let it go. As far as them talking about his ex beind her back, you could just tell them that you don't feel comfortable in the gossip circle, and that should shut them up and make them feel as uncomfortable as you when they do it.
2006-08-24 05:24:39 · answer #7 · answered by jennybeanses 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
who is winning in the mother-in-law feud? I would say your mother-in-law...because you let her get to you.
Who cares about the drama....certainly YOU do....why on earth do you let the drama get into your life?
It's NOT your problem the in-laws....do what they do.....but you're trying to make the issue YOUR business..
The less you worry about the he/said she/said....and what the x-wife is doing and what the in-laws are saying or doing the better off you will be emotionally and mentally.
Your children should be clueless about GRANMA...but you've obviously made the DRAMA the focal point in your childrens lives as well....by interjecting your negative attitude you POISON your children to form the same feelings you do! SHAME ON YOU!!!
Just by you writing on here saying how 2 faced these people are doesn't say much about you either. Have you ever sat your mother-in-law down with her son present...and told her about your negative feelings? NOw who is 2 faced????HMMMMM...
You really need to soul search yourself don't you.
2006-08-29 23:43:04 · answer #8 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar situation. My two beautiful kids are adopted.
My father in law said they are not his grandchildren to my face.
It was the last in a long line of veiled and not so veiled insults.
He is now no longer part of my life, and can't hurt me anymore.
Your inlaws seem to be punishing you via your children. Did they not approve? Who cares. Wipe your hands of them and move on.
I just hope that your children are able to have a loving and healthy relationship with their father and their half sibling.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-08-29 19:02:57 · answer #9 · answered by Fuzzy Wuzzy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have made themselves clear, and no amount of complaining will get them to change thier minds or ways. The best thing you can do to encourage your children to be polite when in their pressence. Otherwise, you should develop a loving and caring relationship with your parents or other elder persons in your family to susbstitute. As for their brothers and sisters (half), this is not their fault either and a close relationship should be fostered between them.
2006-08-24 05:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by limgrn_maria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋