If your teen is great at a sport but wants to quit. Do you let him?

Question

My son just entered high school and is an awsome football player he's been playing since he was 8 and since last year doesnt want to continue. Not only do i not know how to approach this I also have to mediate this war between him and my husband who is very controlling. How should I as a parent and mother deal?? Oh, did i mention that Im starting chemo tommorrow for breast cancer and just had to break up an almost physical fight between my husband and 14 year old just last night over this. Can anyone help with advice?? I feel like everything is falling apart.

Im just afraid if i allow him to quit now he'll quit everthing else in life?

Answer 1

There are so many answers to this question, each dealing with the many aspects to your situation. First, I have three boys. My oldest is great in basketball, and I always looked forward to him playing his high school career. In the 9th grade he decided he didn't want to play. I was crushed, but didn't let my own wishes rule his decision. We sat down and discussed why he didn't want to play and what he planned on doing with his free time. As long as he could justify he reasons, we agreed to abide by it. I always believed in making the child finish the activity if it had already started, because the team counted on his being there. Try to keep away from the stress of your husband, you have enough to deal with on your own plate. You son needs to learn how to negotiate with his father in order to become a strong man himself. You can offer him support and ideas when the two of you are alone.
Also, May God Bless You and guide you through your cancer treatments. Everything will be easier if your attitude is positive. My dad just finished tx, and I have a great friend who is over 5 yrs cancer free from breast cancer.

Answer 2

I'm a father of eight. All involved in wrestling or distance running from early age. Three continued to college level. Two of the boys were burnt out during high school. During a lunch with them, they ask me what I thought about ending. I told them that the decision was their's, not mine. I was only a support to help them in what they wanted. They did stop. But, they loved watching wrestling from NCAA to WWF to this day . They always supported the brothers and sister at track meets. It's is their life. So often, I have seem dictator parent coaching. Where the parent wants to receive the glory of having created the super star athlete. Most of the time, seeing a mirror image of themselves in the child. Recommend you seeing the movie, "In Search of Bobby Fisher." It may help you better understand.

Now, apart from your son and husband. You asked. "Oh, did I mention...?" Were they fighting over: 1. Quitting because he did it since the age of eight and should not be a loser? or 2. Quitting at this unfortunate time of your beginning treatment? Guess to me is that you are really trying to ask another question. A son's questionable decision does not even merit more then a humorus, "Oh, these kids. Always changing their minds," while drinking a cup of coffee. A father/son argument is no more than that of a husband/wife. Again, no merit a child reason to run away or parents get a divorce. Opinion, you have a fear that requires counseling. Seek help. Cancer is an enemy which can be overcome. Your world is not falling apart because you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. First, believe in yourself as being a good parent. Your son has learned all that a parent can teach. His deciscion to play or not will be a good decision that he makes. This is important part of life. Second, you cannot manuerver your controling husband or mandate to your son. However, you have something they both want. LOVE. Will you just hug them. Tell them that they both love each other too. Guys, just have a poor way of expressing it to each other. Please, sit down as a caring family and watch the movie with some popcorn. Tell your son that you will support any decision he makes. Third, believe in your doctor. They know what they are doing. Curing testimonies are being heard constantly. Your gonna be okay. Oh, did I mention, "Did you talk to God, lately?"

Answer 3

Talk with his school counselor and they can call a meeting with you all. There is definitely a need to talk with a third party. Perhaps the coach or Principal should participate. The boy should not be coerced to play a sport if he choose not to. You appear caught in the middle and you need to be removed from that role. It's not fair especially with your Cancer treatments. Also, your husband needs to get the message that you need the families support now--especially his. Perhaps your doctor could meet with him and give him the 411 about going through treatment and how he can best help you. It's a tough situation but must be dealt with and resolved. Good Luck with both issues.

Answer 4

It's entirely his choice whether he wants to continue playing sports. I can understand his reasoning; sports can take up a lot of a student's already minimal free time. There is nothing saying he HAS to continue playing, just because he's good at it doesn't give him an obligation to do it.

However, it sounds to me like your main problem isn't your son but your husband. You'll have to get him to understand that he can't dictate every bit of his son's life, especially on a subject as trivial as sports.

Answer 5

I would let thim. If u force him to do something that he has no interest into anymore, he will get irritated with you.
If i were u, i would let my child decide what they want to do and be. As for you husband-you should talk to him. I mean ask him how would he feel if he was forced to do something he has no interest in. Is ur husband trying to live his life or dream career through your son? If he is and trying to force his son to do it when he doesn't want to anymore, u should tell him that that's not fair to the son. Beacuse it isn't fair to him.

As for your cancer, I'm very sorry that happend to u. I will pray for u and ur family tonight b4 I go 2 sleep.

Answer 6

Let him quit.

(I was in a similar situation, but I was the teen, and I hated the dance team I'd been on since I was like 9. My mom didn't let me quit, and I was miserable! It was awful.)

Answer 7

Find out why he doesn't want to play. If he is really good and he really likes it then he should continue. If he is jsut burnt out or he has found something else to do let him be.

It might have something to do with your health though. It that is weighing on him you should try to find out why and really sit down with him and try to explain that his life is his life and you want him to do what he wants to do with it.

Answer 8

have you tried to find out the reason he wants to quit ..is it the coach ...the other players ... he wants to try a diff sport... or maybe he is worried about you being sick and feels that he should spend more time with you or should not be doing something he enjoys while you are ill

Answer 9

Without motivation, having him continue is useless.
If his controlling father wants to push that, the paradox effect will set in which will stiffen the kids position, and possibly create long time enmity between the two.

Answer 10

he may be great at it but if he really isn't interested in playing anymore you shouldn't force him. he may find another interest that hes just as good at, or after not playing for awhile he may realize that he wants to play again. as long as hes not quiting to be lazy then i would let him be.