My 2 1/2 yr old son was being babysat at his grandmothers recently. When we picked him up, we noticed he was favouring his arm. When we asked him what happened, he simply said Peter booboo. Peter is my brother in law who still lives at home (35 yrs old).
when we brought my son to the doctor, it was determined that he popped his elbow out
The next day Peter called and asked to speak to my son (he has never done this before). We left the phone on speakerphone and heard Peter ask my son if he hates him now. to me this is an admission of guilt.
My mother in law is a widow and so no grandfather to uphold the law within the household.
I dont want my son to be babysat by his grand mother anymore, only to visit when my wife or myself is planning to stay for the entire duration of the visit.
My wife will obide, but is upset by this decision. My mother in law has banished me from her house.
do i stand my ground and protect m y son or give in to my wife and mother in law
2006-08-24 04:40:22 · 32 answers · asked by capollar 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
PROTECT YOUR SON. That is your job as a parent, even if it is a relative or even your wife who get in the way. It is your job to protect your SON.
If your mother in law is upset, tell her that you don't know exactly what happened, but that your son was injured under her care and you won't let it happen again.
2006-08-24 04:47:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Stand your damn ground.
I'm no chauvinist or sexist, but be the man.
Not the 'I'm so tough' or 'I'll kill you' type or anything like that- be your childs father - it's your duty to protect that child at all costs right?
My blood boiled reading your question by the way.. Banished from her house? Great! Now your kid won't get smacked around.
Tough for your wife I could only assume - thats something that the two of you will have to figure out. She has to want what is best for the child too, does she not?
Blood may be thicker than water, but if someone layed a finger on my kids.. ugly and I don't want to go there.
2006-08-24 04:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by p_rutherford2003 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Protect your son! You should also have a talk with your brother in law and ask him what happened but know that he will lie to protect himself. It's a great thing your wife is standing by you but you need to make sure, to protect your son, that she does this at all times and not just when you are around. I'm sure it's convienant for grandma to babysit - and cheap. Can she come to your house?
2006-08-24 05:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by jennw33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your instincts are right on, your number one job as a parent is to protect the child you brought into the world not make nice with in-laws. Frankly I am shocked that your wife isn't on-board with your decision, stand up for your son not your enabling mother in law and her loser son. You and your wife should research state certified, curriculum based childcare- often churches offer excellent daycare to non-members as well as members. Good Luck
PS- If your son isn't able to communicate with you how do you know other forms of abuse are not or have not taken place?!
2006-08-24 05:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by josie1126 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your son!!! You have a responsibility to protect him. Who the hell cares what your mother-in-law thinks. As for your wife, give her time to get over it. This is her family, so it's not gonna settle with her right away. I think in time, she will see reason, but until then, STAND YOUR GROUND!!!!!! BY all means!!!!
2006-08-24 04:52:23 · answer #5 · answered by chickmomma5 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground - at the very least.
I've read your next question/statement. So even though you say this hasn't actually happened to you, I would suggest to anyone in a similar circumstance to consider the following.
Make sure your Mother in law knows what happened and what you heard the brother in law say on the phone as you currently know it. Then in a one on one conversation - not in front of the family, ask Peter if he knows what happened the day your son came home with a dislocated elbow (the elbow is the hardest bone in the body to mess up or crack). If Peter denies knowing anything, tell him that you've taken him to the doctor and you heard what he asked your son. Tell him if it was an accident, it was an accident, but that you would like to know what happened. If he still doesn't fess up, then explain to your Mother in law that you don't expect her to take your side over that of her son's, and that you don't intend to deny her visiting rights of her grandson, but that you won't be leaving your son in the care of someone where Peter might be there. Explain to her that you think Peter knows something about what happened to her grandson and won't say, and that until he does (wether it was his fault or not doesn't matter) then you won't allow him to be around your son. Tell her that you're sure if she were in your shoes she would agree with your decision, but because she is on the other side of this you understand and expect her to defend her son just as you are defending yours.
2006-08-24 05:08:27 · answer #6 · answered by Tonya in TX - Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront Peter and mother-in-law. Don't make your son get involved - overhearing the conversation and what your son told you is enough. Your mother-in-law is the one overreacting here - you have every right to protect your son.
Try and find out what happened - and see if something can be worked out - if mother-in-law is willing to be reasonable, eg. your son not to be left alone with Peter - not in different room, outside, etc... If mom-in-law won't be reasonable - keep your son away. His well being is far more important than your mother-in-law.
2006-08-24 04:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by yundo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you talk with the brother in law? If so, ask what happened. My daughter has a half sister that got her elbow popped out by her mom and dad playing around. So, I would not assume a violent act unless there is a reason to think so.
Regarding the phone call- maybe brother-in-law knows kids can't tell the difference between accident and on purpose- he's probably feeling bad regardless of how it happened.
Just my 2 cents...
2006-08-24 04:50:54 · answer #8 · answered by rottymom02 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely stand your ground and protect your son! How dare your mother in-law banish you from her home. Does she not realize that this wasn't a little slap on the hand but rather a serious injury?
2006-08-24 04:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground protect your son. Since your wife is upset by your decision, then divorce her take custody of your son set up supervised visits for your wife and make her pay the fees. Get a back bone and a pair of go nads the fight is on always protect the family. I hope you recorded the phone conversation. and keep the doctor bills.
2006-08-24 07:11:05 · answer #10 · answered by big T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋