I have been dating this guy for about 6 weeks now, we have done tons of stuff together and have several things planned in the next couple of weeks, a wedding, a overnight stay at a hotel, etc. He has met my dad briefly in the driveway but not my mom or sister. I asked him last night if he would like to join my family to dinner for my moms bday. He said he wasnt sure about it, thought maybe it was too early for that and that it might be better a different time. He said he is sure it would be fine because everything he has heard about my family seems awesome, he is just not sure a bday is the best situation.....I am nervous that maybe I scared him off. He does not have a solid family background, and to be honest I dont think he knows what is like to have a family like mine. He will fit in perfect...I am worried I might have pushed it too far. I told him I didnt want to make him feel umcomfortable or rush things, just thought I would ask. What do I do from here? Back off a little?
2006-08-24 04:12:27 · 14 answers · asked by Belize 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
dont just back off a little but back off a lot. give it time.
2006-08-24 04:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by misstrell504 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be possible that he doesn't want to be with your family and lots of other people at the same time, it is a birthday party after all. Just back off a little and in a couple of weeks ask him to come over to a nice family only dinner.
2006-08-24 11:21:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering that he does not have the family support yes it is going to be hard for him to feel comfortable meeting yours. I would allow time just for a casual meeting with the parents. But again you could always say that because it is a birthday that the attention is not going to be focused on you and it will allow you to sit back and relax and find out for yourself what the family is like.
But I would not go overboard with the topic, if he seems completly against the idea then I would back off and allow another opportunity to come along and see how that goes.
2006-08-24 11:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by chocolatesyrup101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tuff one. I would say not to have him meet when it is your mother b-day. their could be more people that show up at the house and make him feel uncomfortable. I would just ease him into it say mom and dad are going to drop something off. Have your parents stay for only 10 or 15 min. Then leave. Get the feel of family but not over whelming him.
2006-08-24 11:20:06 · answer #4 · answered by Lori K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fascinatingly enough, and totally against modern courtship practices, I think you should have the person meet the family early in a relationship. There are very good reasons for this.
1- Your family knows things about you (if you're close with them) and can spot things about your favoured beau that you --in the glow of the relationship-- will miss.
2- How he behaves with family will help you learn more about him... Does he seem artificial; stiff, excessively nervous, is he amazingly shy???... all things you will learn more about when he is introduced to the family club...
3- Although women always try to make projects of their male suitors, I strongly caution you against trying to help him get over his family hang-ups as an added incentive for meeting the fam.
THat will come with time...
4- If he is adverse to coming to the b-day party.. you've already told him you were not trying to rush him, give him the option of not coming.. BUT ONLY count it against him if he chooses not to come, aAND follows in later events to avoid them as well. If you do think he's a long term (maybe even marriage worthy?) prospect he'll eventually have to meet the f-club! You've already backed off enough. Balls in his court.
If you're intimate with him, then really he should be ready to meet the family... he was ready to do all the other intimate stuff. Meeting the family is a significant part of that intimacy. It sounds as though you're close to your family, then it is important that he accept that, and welcome the inclusion. You would not in the long run be happy with someone who was always avoiding people you were close to and eventually he would impose that on you, asking you to see less of them/choose.
Good luck with your relationship. I hope he comes to the party.
-Tinysha
2006-08-24 11:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by kellahawk 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gurl see when is it a comformtable for ur mom to meet him and she if he is ok with it and if not just back off just alittle or hold off on the wedding until it is the right time for u and him and see how that work for the both of u
2006-08-24 11:19:39 · answer #6 · answered by Lil_mama254 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay gurlie, relax first of all, don't be so uptight. i mean if u guys are already planning a wedding, then yeah u better have him meet your family. and a birthday is the best time for him to meet ur family, just tell him that cuz everyone will be happy and all to meet him finally, and that he's here to help celebrate his girlfriends moms birthday! how nice could that be? just try to encourage him, without pestering him, and just relax again!
2006-08-24 11:17:10 · answer #7 · answered by allena s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a while and then invite him over for a dinner again. With him not having a good family background he may have felt a bit of anxiety.
2006-08-24 11:16:29 · answer #8 · answered by Tricia P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me he just wants some less formal, just like a dinner at a restraunt rather then a family celebration. maybe he doesnt want to take away from the birthday girl.
2006-08-24 11:16:43 · answer #9 · answered by attila 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im surprised he didnt freak back when you planned on going to that wedding together. I dont think he's afraid of commitment, it might be that he just feels uncomfortble around your family.(maybe their to close-knit for him- you have to be sensitive around him bc of his family backround)
2006-08-24 11:27:13 · answer #10 · answered by anonymous 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋