I live in Indiana around my mom and dad. My mom is EXTREMELY close to my four year old son. The problem is, is that I want to move out of Indiana. Whenever I mention it to my mom, she gets really upset. She has a disease that will eventually kill her and she doesn't want me to move until she dies. Am I being selfish? Should I just wait until later to move? Serious answers only please.
2006-08-24 04:08:56 · 26 answers · asked by Good Gushy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't know the reason that you want to move, so it's kinda hard for me to answer you.
However, I advice you to think about it.
A mom is - most of the times - the person who knows you the best.
I don't know how your relationship with her is, but, again, think about it.
You can move out, and still stay close to your parents.
Your mom probably goes threw a lots of hard moments with that disease, so I really think you should support her.
2006-08-24 04:19:34 · answer #1 · answered by Alice_d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a really tough situation. The only thing I can think is to really think about what is best for everyone. It seems like what is best for you might not be best for your mom, and the child is the hard part. I can see the child getting benefit from being around his grandmother, but if you want to be somewhere else, you personally will probably have a better relationship with your child in a situation you more want to be in. So in short, if it is important for you to have the best relationship with your child and you are willing to spend less time close to your mother, then it is a good idea to leave. If you feel like you need to respect your dieing mother's wishes, then the best thing you can do is respect it and find a way to be happy and content in that place so that your relationship with your child can be what you want it to be. I really feel for you, and I hope that this can help you in some way. You will make the right decision in either case.
2006-08-24 11:17:38 · answer #2 · answered by deep bass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to move, then move. Your mother should understand. Make a compromise that you will return for special occasions and holidays. Or perhaps she could visit you for a vacation. You are not being selfish, you are being your own person. Just because you move away doesn't mean that you have to lose contact. You can write, e-mail, call on the phone. Do what your heart tells you to do.
2006-08-24 11:24:15 · answer #3 · answered by L. S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in my prayers!!!! That is a tuff call although depending how old you are, You have your whole life ahead of you and your mom may not have much time left so therefore you have to ask yourself could you live with the guilt if you left? I know I couldn't! and I have been in a simular situation and I choose for the love of my mom I put my life on hold and spent every spare time I had with her and so did the kids and I felt that was the least I could do for her seeing how she has sacraficed so much for me through the years. I hope this helps and I think the best thing to do is pray about it and give it to GOD. "GOOD LUCK"
2006-08-24 11:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by JENN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im going to tell you a long story as short as I can and I really hope this helps you decide what to do.....
My mother had ruematoid arthritis and went through some rought stuff with that and other things.....But I didnt know this would kill her. I knew she was sick but no as sick as she was....She adored my kids.....treated them like her own.....My kids loved her also......I took them away from her for 1 year and a half to go be with my dad in Ohio, which by the way didnt give a **** about them ...never did anything with them...never called nor did he come over to see them....He talked me into leaving my mother to come live near him btw.....After a year and a half of absolute misery of missing my mother whom I was very close to......I packed my crap and moved back.....Best thing I ever did!!!! The only thing is ...I only got 2 years with her because she died Jan. 13, 2000. So do I regret taking my kids away from her?...Words cant explain the regret I have in my heart and probably always will.....Just dont do something you will regret later....Let your mother have her grandmother time.....Now my kids dont have a grandmother and thier grandfather dont come around or even act like a grandfather to them.....
2006-08-24 11:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by seadew22 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My grandfather and I were very close. He just recently passed away from lung Cancer on March 28, 2006, it was so very hard on me! My husband was wanting to move a few years ago to get away from his parents (very two faced, manipulative people). Anyways, I told him that I was not moving because I wanted to be with my grandfather for as long as he had left to live. I would not of given up that opportunity to be with him every second of everyday. I wanted him to know how much I loved him and wanted to be able to tell him to his face everyday. I was there a few moments after he passed, I am still upset with myself for not being there when he died. (I was at work filling out papers to take more time off from work to be with him!) I will never forget him as long as I live! I cry sitting here typing this to you! If you are worried about leaving just think of it this way: ask yourself how you are going to feel after your mom passes for moving away from her? I am not trying to give you a guilt trip but that is what I did and I stayed. Now my husband is wanting to move again and I cry just the thought of moving (all my family is here). Because I can walk down the street and stop at Dairy Queen for a ice cream and have a wonderful memory of my grandfather taking me and my twin sister there when we were kids. (we called it the DQ shuffle) If I move it won't be the same.
So you need to do what is right for you, I know I did and I will never regret it as long as I live!! I love you Grandpa Kenny!!
2006-08-24 12:01:44 · answer #6 · answered by kansas_cece 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u can still say in contact with your mom even if u move away but how far is really a big thing. if your mom gets really sick and u want to be there than you dont want to have to travel hundreds of miles and not get there in time to see her again so id say ask her if she wants to go so u can take care of her or stay there. you caould always tell your mom u are seriously thinking about it and that she needs to listen to u. and it dosnt matter if ur mom gets upset cause if we didnt struggle we wouldnt be strong enough for life.
2006-08-24 11:44:52 · answer #7 · answered by rooney8dabom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can be absoulutly sure that you won't ever regret not being there if your mom passes or that your son didn't see her enough...than go ahead and move...but if you think you may regret not being there to help or if your son is helping her to continue to be strong...I would say suck it up and stay around...put yourself in her shoes your dying you love your grandson and daughter and they are making you feel love and happiness perhaps enough to keep you going in life...and then they move...and you will hardly see them..what do you think is the right answer
2006-08-24 12:06:08 · answer #8 · answered by tweetz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its understandable that your mother wants you close to her at her time of need, but, she is the one being selfish by keeping you from living your own life.. Have you ever considered taking your mother with you? This is a tough situation here, but my advice to you is go with what your heart says... good luck to you and your mom!
2006-08-24 11:26:30 · answer #9 · answered by kristy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your life, and you can do what you want. But if you want to do the nice and moral thing you would stay. Or at least not move too fare away. If she is about to die then you and your son being near will make things easier for her. Do you want her to live the end of her life in sadness and sorrow?
2006-08-24 11:19:15 · answer #10 · answered by Q~T 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋