Is it about time to MOVE ON?

Question

Ok so here is the deal. We started dating Memorial Day Weekend, everything was great for a while....until he started having no money. I did not understand becuase he has a good job. So this weekend we sat down and I looked at his bills and his bank statement, and for the past few months he has had no money left over from his paychecks due to the bills he has to pay. They are not trivial bills either, house pymt, car, insurance, taxes...things like that.
Well I have been putting gas in his truck and buying everything for him and I know he appreciates it but he does not show it. It really hurts my feelings. All I do is try to please him and it bites me in the ***.
He is always seeming depressed cause of his situation and I have to deal with that, but when I act like him its a major deal. I want to be with him, but I cannot support him like I have been.
I don't know what to do. I told him that we needed a break, but I just want things to be the way they used to be.

I just wish it was easier to move on becuase it really stinks cause my life has been centered around him and I have not focused on myself in a long time. I took him to the Dave Matthews Concert last weekend cause he really wanted to go. I just feel really used.

Well I know for a fact that he is not cheating, I practically live there. Oh one more thing. We live an hour and 15 min away from each other and after I get off work usually around 6. I drive up to stay with him and get up early for work. I know I am an idiot but when you truly want to be with someone you can't stay away and want to see them all the time. I wish it was different.

Also he wants me to move in cause he said he needs help, and I told him that I do not want to be your room mate I want to be your girlfriend. I told him that I want to be married before I move in with you, and he said we wont be. I know he really cares for me but I just feel so freaking used here.

Answer 1

I was in an extremely similar relationship. It is horribly draining. If you want to be with him then just say you have limited funds and you can't help him. If he loves you for you, he will understand.

Just remember, he managed to get by before you came along. As a grown man he will be able to take care of himself.

And if you stay with him without changing the situation, you will resent him, which I believe is already starting to happen. Be strong :)

you can email me if you want some more advice.

Answer 2

Girl............he is a man.........he is suppose to be able to take care of himself.......UNLESS he had a major car accident or some injury or illness that set him back.......then it would be acceptable. But you need to tell him the truth why you want a break and tell him you are not his MOMMY! Be honest and he will either love you enough to get his finances together....some people are just bad at that........but he needs to be honest too and if he is bad at that he needs to tell you and maybe you can help him make a monthly budget that is good for him and also allows for ya'll to do things together. Money is not always a reason for being with someone and it sounds like you really care about him with or without.........but he has to make the same effort to support the relationship as you. Maybe a few months staying at home renting movies or doing things that don't cost money is in order. Then he can get his financial situation under control and also spend the quality time with you. Try to see what will work out best for both of you in the situation........if he loves you and you love him.........money shouldn't matter. But there still needs to be responsibility to try to meet financial obligations that he has already created before the two of you were together........and maybe with your help he can do both. He might feel ashamed as well, and that is why he doesn't really say thank you out loud. Talk to him honestly about it and if it doesn't make a change in him........then you can say you tried.

Answer 3

Sounds as if you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and I am sure you and your boyfriend can sit down and talk about it. I think he is angry at the fact he has no money and he is having a hard time figuring out what to do, He probably is grateful for everything you do for him, but it may not be he is not appreciative. Maybe he should look into finding a second job to make extra money if it means being apart from you most of the time. Things probably will not be the way they used to and nothing ever is. Just a fact of life. Talking to him is going to be your best bet.

Answer 4

First, you need to stop paying his bills and put the relationship back on an equal footing. He is your boyfriend, not your husband or even your fiance. You are not responsble for him. You need to do this so that he will not see you as a push over or patsy, but as a respectable adult.

Second, assess the relationship. Here are the important questions, IMHO. Do you love and respect him? Does he love and respect you? Do you make each other laugh? Do you make each other feel better about yourselves? Do you want to make babies with him and raise them with him? If you can honestly answer "yes" to those questions, you may have something special.

Additionally, where is his money going? Has he just tried to live a more affluent life than he can afford? Does he have a drug, alcohol, or gambling problem? Another woman? Children that you might not know about?

You need to decide for yourself, but to be completely candid, it sounds to me like you need to move on.

Answer 5

If guys ARENT married then there is no "through rich, and through poor", look I'm not telling u to bail on him, BUT, u have to live ur life so u can be happy. He is going through something( and so are u) but he is a man, he will be alright. A relationship is suppose to build u up, make u happier, be icing on ur cake, but if this is the exact opposite, whats the point?! Take a break indeed, maybe a break is needed so everyone can get there lives in order. PS being around a depressed person drains ur energy, do u wanna continue to be stuck around this. U can still be there for him, for support, but get a move on. Lifes to short to be wasted away.

Answer 6

i'm finding alot of people on this forum ask questions hoping to get an answer to make them feel good about a situation they know is bad, like they are looking for an ok be continue a bad relationship.
i'm going to say something you don't want to hear. you need to get away fast. i know you really care about this person but it's only been 3 months and you've already got problems. you should be having fun dating at this point, not worrying about his financial problems. he's in over his head. he's spending more than he makes. this will be a way of life for him. he doesn't know how to handle his finances. you're getting a preview what your future would be like and it will only get worse. trust me.

Answer 7

I suspect it's a little tough to show the appropriate appreciation in this situation as it's a bit embarrasing for him. However, stop paying for everything. Stop supporting him. He's a big boy who needs to get his finances in order. It'll also remove some of the strain in the relationship. It's already brought you to the point of ending it.

Answer 8

Time to cut your loses and move on, sorry. I saw your 360 page, you look like a very happy person. Don't let this drag you down, there is someone out there for you, that will be more responsible with their own finances, good luck!

Answer 9

this is a time in his life were bills are pstacking up but you know he is not wasting his money casue u looked at the staements, you know when he had it money things were good but this is a down time it won't last long, be glad that you are abe to help but don't base the relationship just off money there must be otehr things too

Answer 10

well i would say you are an idiot. He is using you like a condom, he'll come enough times and then throw you away. The truth hurts but, a broke guy is a worthless guy. He may be cheating, but you are too blind to see it. I tell you, sometimes i really do believe that woman are dummer than men. Well since you are just throwing money around; can i have some too?