I really need help with stepdaughter(very serious problem).?

Question

I have been with my step daughter since she was 5 she is now 13. I have 2 children of my own both are grown and on their own. My stepdaughter is very decitful and manipultive. She lies to her father all the time to get what she wants. He takes her side no matter what anyone says including her teachers,myself, her mother, and her counsilors. She is becoming more agressive the friends she had will no longer hang out with her. She was expelled from school for good at the end of last yr. She is now living with her mother, she is mouthy, won't do anything you ask her to, refuses to do chores but expects money when ever she asks for it and all hell breaks loose if she's told no and her father continually lets her get away with it. Last week I told him I had had enough and I she can't come here anymore. I told him I also understood if he felt he had to leave. He sayed but now is saying that my kids arn't allowed here either. Do you think this is fair. They haven't caused problems.

Answer 1

No, I don't think this is fair. I believe that if your children have never caused problems, then they should not be banned from your house. Not to bash your husband, but I think I see where his daughter gets this manipulative behavior. He's just playing games to manipulate you into letting his daughter come back over to your house.

I think that you should explain to your husband that since your children act appropriately when they are at your house, they have EARNED the privilege of coming overto visit. He shoudl sit his daughter down and explain that if she can behave and act appropriately around you and in your house (that includes listening to YOU), then she can also EARN the privilege to come over and visit. He has no right to ban your children when they have done nothing wrong. Like I said, that sounds like the manipulative bahavior you described in your stepdaughter.

I hope at least some of this helps. Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

Sounds like big trouble. I would sit down with him and explain to him everything going on...make him understand the daddy's little girl is acting out and needs the reigns pulled tighter. But giving him that kind of ultimatum might not be a smart move. Reverse the roles here and see it from another side. Then what would you do. As for you saying his child is not welcome there then he is probably right. maybe your children should stay away to prove a point. If youu really want to get through to him and help his daughter before something bad happens I would start talking nightly. He will get sick of it and he will listen.



I would go rent the movie thirteen and watch it with him. It tell what kind of trouble a 13 year old girl can get herself into and how he can affect her desicion on how to "deal with her"

Answer 3

She is 13 huh? Beat her ***. Beat it beat beat it like Michael Jackson said. All over the house. Up and down. Use everything. A belt, shoe, cable cord, books, spatula, shirts, a twig from the tree that has been soaked in baby oil for about 2 days....etc. Forget the grounding crap cause that don't work. Look Miss she is 13 so she has no rights. I didnt have none till I was...hell I still don't have none and im 19. Since you are still a mother figure in her life, her dad will understand that. After all is said and done, try and enroll her into bootcamp or take her on Maury.

Answer 4

even if she is causing trouble, you cant just shut out your stepdaughter. anger is often a mask for other emotions. you and your husband need to sit down and come together on how to discipline and take care of conflicts that arise because of your daughter. you need to learn how to stand united as parents and support each other so she won't be getting mixed messages and get frustrated or "get away" with anything. maybe the two of you should see a marital counselor to help you learn how to come together so you can help your daughter be a better person?

Answer 5

the first thing that springs to my mind when i read your desperate cry for help is , why does it have to take so long for adults to see that their children is destroying their families live. No stick to you at all. I take my hat off for you who is reaching out.
I don't know what i will do in this case, but i can only recommend professional help from someone who knows what they are talking about. It is sad that a mother needs to cry out on a site like this it just shows you that the government is not helping families at all when it comes to rebellious teenagers.
i hope you will get is sorted.
God bless you and your family, take care.

Answer 6

No, it's not fair, but she is his daughter, and blood is thicker than water. Maybe you should go stay with a friend when his daughter comes to visit. Just stay out of his relationship with her, or go visit your own children when she is visiting your husband. Maybe he'll come around and see the error of her ways, if you are not there to clean up after her messes, and he if forced to be 100% the parent for the weekend.

Answer 7

Wow, what a tough situation you are in. I don't hve any stepchildren, but I am divorced and remarried with 2 children from my previous marriage. Blended families are so hard to deal with. My husband has had similar problems with my oldest son, but it hasn't got that extreme yet. Our solution was couseling, and I had to become the person to dicipline him, which was hard and still is at times. I do feel for your husband as it is hard to dicipline them knowing how much they have already been hurt by the divorce, so we want to protect them, but He has to step up and dicipline her! That is the only answer. I do hope this helps and know that you are not alone, this is very common in blended falilies. Good Luck To You!!!!

Answer 8

Sit down with the father and tell him that certain rules have to be made and abided by, for instance-no chores, no money. Tell him you will allow her over but will tolerate no disrespect. Suggest that she go for counseling, she isn't acting out for nothing, something is bothering/influencing her behavior. If he resists this idea tell him it will only exacerbate the problem to do nothing. He is being unreasonable to not let your kids over since they are not posing problems. Good Luck.

Answer 9

he is probably as frustrated as you are but doesnt know what to do either.. and feels guilty but being a man wont admit it..

girls are manipulative - its how TV raised them to be... watch any show and you will see it - I dont watch certain shows anymore because I was disgusted with slight things that unless you are aware of you wont even notice but they creap into the back of the heads of growing kids...

this girl was failed long ago and the results are showing now.. she probably feels very left out and the divorce certainly hurt her and she is using it to her advantage.. who can blame her???

him not allowing your kids is because he doesnt want his kid to be the "bad one"

I think this girl needs you - she needs somebody who will put their foot down - you need to talk to your husband and say OK she can come here BUT there will be rules.. and punishments for breaking those rules - tell him you are worried that without intervention she will grow up and get worse and worse (infact I would expect her pregnant at 15 in a plea for attention) so DO allow her but establish ground rules - kids need rules they want them and are constantly testing for them...

good luck and one rule - NO MONEY... seriously what does a 13 yr old need money for?? if her father gives her money she will continue to behave like a brat to get it.. YOU need to make sure he agrees NOT to give her money for nothing - he may try to sneak it to her just to keep the peace and make things easier on himself but tell this is like training her to be a brat...the most important lesson kids need to learn is how to accept the word "NO" because in the real world they will hear NO alot -
so be firm wiht him that she doesnt get ANYTHING when she throws a hissy fit.. its like a dog.. if you give a dog food when it begs it will always beg for food... and never let you alone...

refuses to do chores - take away a privalige like TV or (please I hope she doesnt have one but if she does take the cell phone)

Answer 10

Its his job to be her father not her friend the sooner he realizes that the better.If my hubby ever pulls that **** with his daughter i will be gone so fast.She has been getting by with this behavior for so long it will take alot to turn it around but he can unless hes just to lazy to deal with it.I would let him know your kids will be aloud because they are trouble makers and if thats how he feels get out.