There is the guy I've been seeing for awhile. I really like him and we have a good time together. Unfortunately, I think I intimidate him that I am successful and with that he keeps me at bay. First off I am two years older then him, very stable in career and home( I'm a Financial Accountant), plus I own a side business, unneedy, and strong willed. I would think those would be good qualities that I am not some helpless little idiot who can't even work a pocket calculator. The reason why I think he may be intimidated is because when he speaks of his past relationships all of his ex's were either extremely younger then him or in college or doing nothing. He has in so many words made it seem like he has nothing to offer someone like me. (He is DJ, owns his own business which is great!) he also tries to "one up me" all the time. I really like him but I don't know how to assure him he is who i want to be w/ . I let him be the man in the relationship, but I can't change who I am.
2006-08-24 02:43:43 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok first of all I am not conceited and think he is beneath me. I've never made him feel like "I'm all that and he can't do anything for me." These are things I think he assumes. When I say I can't change who I am I mean go back in time and become a bum instead of taking the path that allowed me to support and take care of myself comfortably. I WANT a man who wants to take care of me and love me and be everything to me a man should be. If I thought he was nothing why would I be wanting to date him at all?? Also, to address the one uping topic. I mean for example we will be talking I'll say I just bought a new BMW and he'll say well I'm buying a Lexus SUV next week or I'll say I can lift 100 lb weights and he will say he can do 200. That is what I mean by the one uping. This ain't a contest and I'm not playing games. I just want to know what I can do to assure him of my sincere feelings!!
2006-08-24 04:27:50 · update #1
What do you mean by he tries to one up you? If that meant he tries to show that he has some superior qualities or abilities over you, and you accept that - then he wouldn't feel threatened by you. He keeping you at bay may not necessarily indicate that he felt threatened by you. It could be he needs some space to get to know you better.
He has been hurt before in a failed marriage. I think it is rather your own self ego that makes you think that he feels intimidated by you. You may have taken his aloftness as his inconfidence in himself.
I think you have a psychological/unconscious superior air about yourself; inevidently this surrounds you when you are with him. He is smart, he picks it up. Therefore he treats the relationship with you cordial before getting deeper.
Mind you, he is assessing you. So don't think he is being intimidated. The sooner you get your self sense of superiority over, the sooner you will be able to really let him be the MAN!
You wrote - "I can't change who I am" is an indication of subconscious arrogance and one up on your own part. The type of woman in you will find it hard to allow a man be the MAN.
If this is your attitude, and you are unwilling to change (not that you can't - you can if you want him bad enough), the only chance you will win a man and remain in a happy and satisfying relationship is to find someone who is more educated, more successful in everyway to you.
That explains why many women are left on the shelves!
2006-08-24 02:55:01 · answer #1 · answered by joeblog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you pegged it! It definitely sounds like he's intimidated by you...and that's exactly why he tries to 1 up you. I make more than my guy. It hurt his ego a little at first, but now he's fine with it. He's mature enough to understand that it's an equal world today and that's ok!!! Sounds like your guy has some growing up to do. It's up to you if you wanna stick around for it...
2006-08-24 02:48:11 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well,make him understand that all you need is love n nothing else...he thinks you are too big for him whn it comes to security n things like that...you hv all tht a woman looks upto her husband for.....so u need to make him feel good about himself by telling him how much u want to share ur love n life with him.....
2006-08-24 02:52:35 · answer #3 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could well be and it's likely he won't change. however, he was brave enough to start this with you.... nonetheless, if you continue on together, expect it to remain an issue IMO.
2006-08-24 02:48:26 · answer #4 · answered by hiddenhotty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a talk with him about that and see what he is going to do
2006-08-24 02:47:56 · answer #5 · answered by salsa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's insecure but u r who u r -let him rise to it
2006-08-24 02:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by bill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋