Should I just keep my mouth shut?

Question

I have a girlfriend that has a 29 year old daughter and she has two children that are 11 and 6
My girlfriend and I are always arguing over her daughter because IMO she will not let her daughter grow up,her daughter does not know how to do anything without getting my girlfriend and/or her Dad involved into whatever she wants to do.
I could give you a lot of examples of how I think her daughter mistreats her two children,but here is just a couple of what I think are bad.
Her house is always such a mess and torn up that the kids don't even have a bed to sleep in,she never cleans up,the kithen usually has food all over the table and floor,as far as I know she just lays on the couch and watches tv or is talking on the phone.
She won't fix her kids anything to eat,she just lets her children fix whatever they can for themselves,and as a result both her children and herself are border line diabets.
I want my girlfriend to at least try and make her daughter do the right thing,but she won't

Answer 1

Unless you all quit doing for her she is never going to do for herself. If the kids are in that type of situation it is your responsibility to them to protect them. Talk to the step daughter, tell her your feelings and let her know that you fear for the welfare of the kids and give her the opportunity to make the changes. If she doesn't in a reasonable time. One week to get the house cleaned, for example. The do what needs to be done and turn her in to Child Protective Services. Don't be annomys about it. Give her the chance to make the changes. That way she can't ask, why didn't anyone tell me. She may be in a depression and this may be the boost she needs. Fear of losing her kids may out way the depression. Either way she needs help. But at least let her try before you get the authorities involved. She will thank you in the end. Good luck.

Answer 2

Truthfully, you should keep your mouth shut. It is not your place to impose something of this nature on your girlfriend.

But since her daughter is an adult who is clearly neglecting her children.... I would suggest you to make a call to the daughter's local department of human services, and make a confidential report of child neglect. If the state feels that she is an unfit mother the children will be put in a better situation. Children need a bed to sleep in, a clean environment, and they are to young to fend for themselves.

I know this is harsh, but it sounds as though the daughter is not going to do anything on her own accord. Also it sounds as though she needs a good reality check, and this might be the only way to get the horrid situation to change.

If things are as bad as you say, the state should have been involved in this case years ago!

Please do the right thing for the 11 and 6 year old.

Answer 3

No! Your girlfriends daughter has more issues then not growing up she needs a good slap back into reality.What she is doing HRS would have a real problem with.She is neglecting her children and endangering them.Sorry but its true.She is 29 years old she needs to get up take control of her life and start taking care of these kids.She is putting there health at risk.With that much of a mess and kitchen that dirty do you know how many diseases are running rampant.You say she lays around talking on phone or watching tv all day who pays her bills or is she on welfare that are great tax dollars are going to.This irks me this is not a laughing matter.I think grandma needs to put her foot down if she cares anything about her grandkids.Or someone needs to put an annonymous tip into hrs.The sad thing is the way of life that these kids are living is what they think is normal and they will grow up and do the same thing and the visious cycle continues.Real sad.

Answer 4

I am not one to rat, but when it comes to people not taking care of thier kids. I personally think that they need to be reported to the local Child Services. No child should have to live like that. What is that really teaching the kids? Nothing except to be lazy and make everyone else do things for you and whiny (obviously as the daughter is) I am not able to have kids and it pis*es me off to hear about stupid people not being able to take care of thier kids when they can't even take care of themselves, She is a pathetic mother (if she should even be called that) You could either talk to your girlfriend and make her see how things really are instead of just covering up for her daughter or you can report that her daughter is an unfit mother. No 11 or 6 year old kid should have to fix thier own food when thier mother is lying on the couch watching tv or talking on the phone. Nothing should be more important than her kids.

Answer 5

If I were you, I would bring it up in an adult like manner. Not just jump in there takling bad about her daughter. Start it off with a question to get the conversation going. Like, "Do you think that she takes really good care of the kids?" Listen to what she say and then tell her what you think. Tell her that you're just concerned for the kids. She shouldn't get mad. She might feel the same but just not saying anything because it's her daughter. She might even be glad that you care enough about the kids to bring it up. Talk to her.Something bad could happen to the kids.

Answer 6

Do you want your gf to stay out of her daughter's business or be all in it? Because you're complaining she's overinvolved, then suggested she take charge of her daughter. At 29 years old, if the daughter hasn't learned to be responsible and a good parent - it's too damn late. The only option I see is to call CPS is the kids are being neglected that badly. BTW, what kind of parent was/is your gf? Maybe that's the example she set. Maybe it wasn't. But like I said, at now 29 yrs of age, what do you think is going to change now???

Answer 7

That's tough... very sensitive situation, when you are talking about parent child relationships. Hints and maybe helping out with some things. Sounds like the daughter is depressed, offer whatever you can to help BUT dont mention any faults, u may get your head bitten off! If it gets dangerous for the kids though, you may have to call social services, you can do it anonomously Good luck!

Answer 8

yes, but only if the children are in no danger. If you see the children are being harmed or mistreated poorly in any way ,then a phone call anonymously to the Department of Human Services is in order. No child should live in horrific conditions no matter what. Good luck.

Answer 9

If she is a true friend, then, yes, keep your mouth shut. Your friend has no intention of letting (or making) her daughter grow up.

You might try asking your friend if there is anything you can do to help her daughter try to do better. At least you will have made the offer and you will have let your friend know that you see a problem and care about it.

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Your gf's daughter is 29 -- Mommy can't MAKE her do anything any more. You are trying to force the parent issue on your gf about 25 years too late.

As for the daughter's 2 children, if you believe they are in danger or are being mistreated or abused, call the dept of Social Services to investigate.