2006-08-24 02:32:33 · 13 answers · asked by Luvy 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their a s s e s. The results are pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their a s s is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their a s s is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they
love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.
2006-08-24 02:36:17 · answer #1 · answered by ~*Lady Beth*~ 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
check this rules
Rule-1
>> >The Boss is always right.
>> >Rule-2
>> >If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
>> >Rule-3
>> >Those who work get more work.
>> >Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
>> >Rule-4
>> >Ph.D. stands for "Pull Him Down".
>> >The more intelligent a person,
>> >The more hardworking a person,
>> >The more committed a person;
>> >The more number of persons are engaged
>> >in pulling that person down.
>> >Rule-5
>> >If you are good, you will get all the work.
>> >If you are really good, you will get out of it.
>> >Rule-6
>> >When the Bosses talk about improving
>>productivity,
>> >They are never talking about themselves.
>> >Rule-7
>> >It doesn't matter what you do,
>> >It only matters what you say you've done
>> >and what you are going to do.
>> >Rule-8
>> >A pat on the back is only a few centimeters
>> >from a kick in the butt.
>> >Rule-9
>> >Don't be irreplaceable.
>> >If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
>> >Rule-10
>> >The more crap you put up with,
>> >The more crap you are going to get.
>> >Rule-11
>> >If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit.
>> >No use being a damn fool about it.
>> >Rule-12
>> >When you don't know what to do,
>> >Walk fast and look worried.
>> >Rule-13
>> >Following the rules will not get the job done.
>> >Rule-14
>> >If it weren't for the last minute,
>> >Nothing would get done.
>> >Rule-15
>> >Everything can be
>>filed under "Miscellaneous".
>> >Rule-16
>> >No matter how much you do,
>> >You never do enough.
>> >Rule-17
>> >You can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work
>> >you are supposed to be doing.
>> >Rule-18
>> >In order to get a promotion,
>> >You need not necessarily know your job.
>> >Rule-19
>> >In order to get a promotion,
>> >You only need to pretend that you know your job.
>> >Rule-20
>> >The last person that quit or was fired will be
>> >held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
2006-08-24 09:34:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kate Jones 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1) My mother-in-law is on crutches (she is the most accident prone person in the world... hence why she is on crutches). She was trying to avoid stabbing her cat with a crutch as she walked and she lost her balance and fell head first into the glass door of the china cabinet. Glass shattered everywhere but she didn't get a cut on her. She reckons it was her hair that saved her!
2)My mother-in-law was doing gardening one day, she was being lazy and pushing the big wheelie bin with her foot, it went down a little ledge and she fell head first into it. She had to get someone to get her out. Had a nasty graze on her elbow.
If that doesn't make you laugh... just wait a few days and no doubt I will have another story about her to tell!!
2006-08-27 04:00:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand.
He approached her & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, & frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, & you manipulate people & talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room & asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, & he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone & his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"
2006-08-24 09:48:08 · answer #4 · answered by Beachy 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
DEAR DIARY . DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all
my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.
______________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some
whales and dolphins. What a ! wonderful vacation this has started to
be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
______________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding
and hit some golf balls off the deck. Th! e Captain invited me to join
him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful
time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
______________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino .. did OK ... won about $80. The Captain
invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a
luxurious! us meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to
stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be
unfaithful to my husband.
______________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to
go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain
saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming
gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I
declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he
would sink the ship.
I was appalled.
___ ___________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today.
Twice.
2006-08-24 14:56:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If a wolf can bring down a deer on either flank, does that make him Bambidextrous?
2006-08-24 09:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Helen D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Ha ha ha. Cheer up, love.
2006-08-24 09:35:26 · answer #7 · answered by J.Christie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lovelee? Is that u!!!!! It's Stretch from 4th grade and the comic book world.
2006-08-24 09:51:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
check out my group its full of bits designed to cheer you up i get blue alot too i bet at least one gag will make you smile! if you like join!
2006-08-25 02:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by mark d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you say to woman with 2 blackeyes,
Nothing she's been told twice already ..
ouch.
2006-08-24 09:41:55 · answer #10 · answered by raif expat 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋