I need help with child?

Question

I have a 5 year old daughter that doesn't seem happy unless we are fighting with eachother, it doesn't matter if its over brushing her teeth in the morning, or buckling her seat belt. I don't want to fight with her, but she has to do certain things. I usually walk away before we fight, but sometimes, I am sure she just does these things to irritate me and make me fight with her. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

She doesn't need therapy! Good lord. She's just testing the limits, which is normal for a child her age. Her budding sense of autonomy is in conflict with you.

The other dynamic here is that she's figured out that disobedience = attention. There are a couple of things that you can do about that. One is to make sure that you do spend enough time involved in her world; what things interest her? Do you watch her shows with her? Do you read to her? The other really important thing is not to reward her disobedience. Keep in mind that getting mad is (in these circumstances) sort of a reward; she's making your world revolve around her. So don't get mad. The word that struck me about your question was "fight," which is a ridiculous word to use; never fight a five-year-old. If you're fighting, it means that you're not in control. BE in control. Part of being in control is not being angry; punish her by taking away things like TV and cookies, and reward her by playing with her or going on a special trip to the park (or somewhere she likes to go), but never let her make you mad. She wants to be important to you; she has to learn that the way to do that is the be obedient about certain things.

Answer 2

Any attention is attention. Try ignoring the bad behavior and rewarding the positive. Walk away from the arguments and ignore her. When she does do the things she is expected to reward her with praise. Parents tend to ignore all of the things kids do right because the things they do bad take up so much more energy to deal with. When she does brush her teeth tell her what a beautiful smile she has. If she doesn't want to brush her teeth tell her that's OK, your just worried that her breath will smell bad and she may get teased, but it is her choice. Then walk away. No two hour commentaries on the evils of plaque. As far as buckling her seat belt. She sits and the car does not move until she does. She will get tired of waiting and buckle up. When she does just say thank you with a smile. Don't rant about how you could have been on the road an hour ago if she would have buckle up sooner. Just hold your ground. Remember if she makes you mad you have all ready lost the battle because she has control. Chose not to get angry and be patient. If time is an issue, start getting ready earlier so that she doesn't always feel rushed and you have some time to play the waiting game. If she doesn't like getting ready earlier explain that you are only getting ready earlier because you thought she needed the extra time. Then let it go. Help her make her own decisions. Hope this helps. You can try the control tactics or punishment and whipping. Or you can let her start taking possitve control of her life. Good luck.

Answer 3

M daughter is the same way. She's about to turn 10 years old, and she's been that way from birth, very head strong just like her father and my mother. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's so frustrating it hurts. I really don't know what to tell you to do. I guess determination in a child can be a good thing if we can keep their focus on positive things. Pray. That's what I do. It really does help.

Spankings do help too from time to time. I'm not against that, esp. if her mouth gets out of hand. But I know if yours is like mine, you can tell her the sky is blue and she will have something to say about it. She always has to have the last word (and so long as it's not mean or disrespectful, I let her). It usually doesn't take long for her to realize when she's wrong. She likes to be the first to correct herself so I don't get the chance. I think it's comical sometime.

Answer 4

Oh this brings back so many memories. Okay....ready? Tell her what you expect eg: Mary, it's time to go brush your teeth. Bring her to the bathroom. When she begins to start up, take her face in your hands (she may fight this too) and quietly in not many words say: I am not fighting with you tonight. I love you too much to do that. Now, let's brush your teeth. And DO NOT say another word to her until she does it. Stay with her the whole time. Even if she sits down on the floor and pouts and throw a fit, do not leave her or the bathroom. Eventually she'll get up. At that time, just ask if she's ready now. Do this a few times in different situations. It works. The key is to say it quietly. Because that will force her to be quiet to hear what you are saying.

Answer 5

She loves you a lot. Kids just sometimes tend to show their love in different ways. Most often the ways we express ourselfs in front of them. Im not saying anything here, but if a parent tends to yell or fight a lot with others in front of their kids. The kids would pick that up. And without someone to tell them why they acted such the kids don't know how to associate the behavior with emotion so when instead of hugging and kissing to show love they pick fights. Try to talks and always hug her. the little things are the ones that make big differences. Good luck.

Answer 6

you are the mother you need to take control now or as she gets older its only going to get worse.Right now she is testing the water to see what she can and cant get away with.When she argues with you you need to set your foot down.Tell her she either does what you ask or she faces the consequences.Start taking things away like her favorite toy or the tv or computer time.Once she starts losing things she enjoys because of her attitude things should turn around.She needs to learn respect at an early age if not you are going to end up with a troublesome child and teenager that you may not be able to control.If there is a father figure in her life wether its her father or an uncle or grandpa they should help with this too esspecially if its her father.If taking things away from her dosent work then i would say ground her in her room for the night or what ever you feel is ample punishment for her behavior

Answer 7

It sounds like she may be struggling for "control". I have a "strong willed" child myself. I can say 4-6 was the hardest years so far... he is 8 now and it has tapered off some- not all.
The best thing that I have found is that I sat him down and gave him a "heart to heart" about some things being important and they are "gotta do's" and I would let him make as many desicions as I could and we agreed. I let him make CHOICES but they were "structured" choices. Like I would pick out 2 outfits and let him choose. Now on clothing, he has 3 tries to get something deemed appropriate for whatever the activity is, and then I choose for him... but he ultimately is making the choice to do it himself or me to do it. Sometimes it is all in presentation.
Also, I know this can be hard, but when mine refused to buckle up- we would just wait in the car to leave. I had to wait like 15 minutes once and we were all late- but I sat quietly, didn't raise my voice and "waited" him out. He wasn't allowed to leave the car (child locks rock) and he eventually came around to my way of thinking.
Best of luck to you :-)

Answer 8

You mentioned walking away before you begin to fight.
Sometimes kids at that age need attention, and walking away just tells them that you're not inerested in what they have to say. Kids will do whatever they can to get your attention, whether it's in a good way or not.
Maybe if you tried putting aside some time every day with her..that's just you two. Ask her what she'd like to, be it baking cookies, or coloring (or whatever she'd like), then she feels like you're paying attention and will look forward to having that undivided attention. Also, you can help by keeping your voice low and calm, and let her know that if she wants to yell, that you will not continue the conversation with her...and sticking to what your saying is the key. You have to let her know who's the boss...and that the boss loves her and is listening.

Answer 9

there should be no fight as parents we try to be our child's friend and that's asking for trouble you have to be the parent try time out that helps with my grandson but the most important thing is to establish boundaries now later in life the problems will be much bigger and you will need to have a firm foundation in place.i have raised 4 sons trust me when i say setting the boundaries at 5 is much easier then at 15 when your child is 6 2 lol good luck

Answer 10

She fights you because it brings you down to her age and level; as the Mom, you have to assert your authority and quickly.

Do not fight - WIN. Quickly.

If she talks back, one warning then punish.
If she refuses to comply with instructions, one warning, then punish.

A toddler will resist you to determine her boundaries; if you retreat or fight, it teaches her that she can still keep pushing - until you stop her cold with punishment.

I raised 2 girls and a boy strict early on and have been able to ease off by the time they reach puberty because they're absolutely civil in public now.

Proud dad