why does my ex always walk away when all my daughter wants is to see him?

Question

my daughter is now 11, and has seen her father 3 times when she was 6 weeks old, now 11 years later he says he wants another chance to know her, yet his actions say different,

he was 18 and i was 22 when she was born, he lied about his age, he has just come out of a long term relationship and had more children, and is fighting to see these children , yet his eldest child he egnores, he says he loves her but how can he when he does not know her and he has not had anthing to with her for 11 years no cards no maintenance,

i would never stop my daughter from seeing her father, and have tried to contact him but he wont even talk

he has seen her 3 times in the last 6 weeks, the last time 3 weeks ago, and now he wont even answer the telephone to her, and she wonders what she has done wrong, today is her 11th birthday and she says she does not think he will even send a card, it breaks my heart as all she wants to know him, i have text him to send a letter to explain why he wont return her calls but he just egnores me, if anyone should be angry it should be my daughter and I, yet we are still willing to try

Answer 1

my daughter's father left when she was 1and a half, he has been in and out of her life for 13 years i'm talking years at a time with out seeing her, i've never stopped her from seeing him and have always told her thing's about him (good things) so that she can know things about him fav colour fav food etc, always told her he loves her very much he just has a busy life, i have made all sorts of things up like why hes late why hes not turned up again, she wants to see him so much and sometimes blames me for the break up thats why hes not around she says, and at the moment she has to see a councellor because she can't understand why daddy doesn't want to know her but see's his other two kid's she feels she has done something wrong and all i can do is pick up the pieces wipe away the tears and tell her how much i love her loads and always will and i will be there for her. so sorry hav'nt got no advice just that knowing that at the end of the day look how much you have and he has missed out on. best wishes.x

Answer 2

the last time this man see his daughter she was a baby in your arms, and now she is a senior heading towards womanhood quickly.
the Fear in this man's heart of rejection must be great, this is a girl he has rejected for eleven years. why should this girl who he feels a bond towards want to know him? that question and many others will be going through his mind.
is there someone all three of you trust, that can act as an intermediary and introduce his daughter to him at a slower pace.
Meet him discuss it with him, if you both love the child something can be worked out.
"Daddy Dave"

Answer 3

I too had the same problem many years ago when my husband left me and my 2 sons. The older boy 13 at the time ,maintained a sort of contact himself with his father but the younger one was only 8. It broke his heart & mine that his dad didnt appear to want to see him but he has turned out to be a caring,sensitive 21 year old.

As long as it is your daughters wishes, encourage her to keep contact with her father but if it doesnt work out,im sure u will be there to support her and you will end up as proud of your daughter as i am of my 2 boys.

I wish you both lotsa luck for the future.

Answer 4

I've seen my blood father 3 or 4 times in my life...and I am 30.

Find a real man to love...who will in turn love your daughter and stop the cycle of false hope.

You don't want your daughter to grow up thinking all men are like that and accept that treatment from either her father or future man in her life...should she find herself in your same predicament.

Answer 5

Maybe he feels guilty? (Depends on who initiated the break up of the relationship). Maybe he's just not ready for more commitment, but is keeping his options open by saying he wants to see her. I reckon he could be scared as well, of how she'll react after such a long time - will she love him? Want to see him again? Or will he feel rejected if it doesn't work out? Umpteen reasons. Hope it all works out well for you all, whatever happens. Keep smiling! Sue xx

Answer 6

Some people are just idiots, it's such a shame! Try to remember it's about the daughter and her father, not the other way round if that makes any sense.

Answer 7

To save your daughter from getting hurt why don't you make arrangements for him to see her but not tell her. Invite him over or meet him somewhere neutral like a park. If he shows great..introduce him to her and supervise while they get to know each other. If he doesn't show then he's lost his chance and your daughter won't know the disappointment of him not showing.

Good luck

Answer 8

For what you are telling he doesn't seem to love her.
You have to be careful about the intention he have now, after all this year.
Maybe is genuine, maybe it isn't, you must see and try to understand what he wants or what he is looking for...
If he is really repent you will find it out, but if he is looking another thing you must be cautious

Answer 9

forget him,it sounds like youve done your part,your child should be aware of your efforts.if he is this absent, & no support ,& doesnt even try.then why should you.a father shouldnt have to be forced into his childs life...he such a loser!!sorry to say that.people do change,but dont make it easy on him,its not fare to your child.

Answer 10

What do you mean by his actions. I think you should talk it through with him for your daughter's sake. Don't just try to read his body language or behaviour! Communicate.