Any advice on helping parents 'let go' of thier kids?

Question

For the longest time, I've been having difficulty convincing my mother that I'm not her little baby anymore.

When I turned 15 it took me half a year for me to convince her to let me stay out past 8 with friends.

When I turned 16, and got my permit, I thought she finally understood that I've grown up. Alas, my assumption could not be more wrong. Now, months later, even with my permit, she is afraid to let me drive, regardless of the fact that she is sitting in the passenger seat, and is fully supervising me.

Now, on the eve of my 17th birthday, I have yet to have any driving expirience. And to top that off, she refuses to let me go out with my older friends who have thier driving liscences.

I understand that they worry about me, but they can't seem to grasp that no matter what I do or where I go, there are always risks. It's not like I'm doing something sketchy or unhealthy;I'm spending good, clean time hanging out with responsible friends.
How can I convince them them to let go?

Answer 1

Unintentionally they're incapacitating you. The goal of parents is to produce a responsible productive member of society. Part of that responsibility is letting you out in the world, so you can develop mentally and emotionally.
I worked with people in your situation who were in their 30s (!), and they were just socially crippled by their parents' over protection. They could do their jobs all right, but they had no social skills whatsoever. They didn't drive and still lived at home.

Try reminding them of what they went through at your age, and whether it was fair or unfair. You may also try asking them to talk to your friends parents who let them drive. Maybe they could put your parents's fears to rest. Good luck!

Answer 2

15 teen-aged kids have died so far this year in my county alone in auto accidents.Some involved alcohol consumption but most did not.They were due to inexperienced drivers going too fast in unsafe conditions or the lack of attention to the road cos they were distracted by their friends.
I understand how anxious you are to grow up but take it for what it is and feel lucky you have parents who love you this much.
Explain to your mom how you feel and point out to her that like it or not you're not going to have her next to you in the car the rest of your life.You need as much experience as possible behind the wheel in as many different conditions as possible to ready yourself for when she's not there.Show her that you respect the fact that the car is'nt a toy.It's a machine that can be dangerous and must always be handled with care while you're behind the wheel.
If she won't give you the opportunity to prove yourself remind her that your 18th birthday is not that far off and she'll no longer have a say over what you can or can't do unless she plans to hold you prisoner the rest of your life.And while you're still under her supervision you'd appreciate it if she'd allow you to get the experience you'll undoubtedly need when you're on your own.

Answer 3

Do your friends come over to your house? Have you or your friends ever done anything in the past to take her think she can't trust you? How bout a problem with a older sibling? You need the get to the root of the problem. could it be because of religious background? Whatever the case your going to have to talk with her and find out what it is.Try using other friends,there parents,teachers to show that your mature enough to do things on your own before it hurts your relationship with your mother. Good luck.

Answer 4

Unfortunately girls have to become mums before they can understand a mother's heart. There is no benefit for mums to say no to their children. It is usually for their children's best interests.

It took me to become a dad before I could understand this. I now wished I had been more submission. That could have saved so many lessons in life that I learned the hard way. I realised how much hurt I have caused to the person who loved me most. Alas!

Just show more and more responsibility and accountability in your daily actions. Over time she will let go based on your sense of maturity. In the end, you are the one who stands to benefit from these seemingly unnecessary restrictions from your mum.

Answer 5

I hate to be the one to tell you this but this is a constant struggle...I'm in my 30's and still have to tell my mom to back off a bit. You have parents that love and want to protect you, that's a lot more than some could say. Soon enough you will be out of the house and able to make your own decisions. Good Luck and Happy Birthday.

Answer 6

Why not use this post as a starting block and share these thoughts with her? Being honest with facts is something that many parents appreciate. It is a sign of maturity to bring well thought out discussions to the table and speaking about them in a mature manner. Worst case scenario, things remain the same.... Talk to her, it'll work...

Answer 7

Dont take it this way,parents are suppose to protect their children and that is what is happening with you,you will always be your moms little baby and in the long run you will find out that this really isnt all that bad because one thing you will always be able to count on is that she will be there for you.She is only trying to protect you and in this world,you may not see it right now,but believe me,take all the protection you can get

Answer 8

Mom loves you. You need to be respectful of your parents and yet make your own decisions. Your age is only a small factor in this situation. You will likely have the same problem for many years to come. Find a coping strategy now.

Answer 9

It never stops....I'm 23 and live on my own, but every morning at 6 my mom calls me to make sure I'm up....just the little thing like that makes me mad but she is just being my mom. Looking out for me. I'm not the youngest either I have a sister that is still living at home, I dread the day when she leaves the nest.

Answer 10

I'm 17 as well...the only way for you to convince your parents is to talk to them about personal things..about your friends..never bring up the subject of letting go of you and trusting bla bla bla....

ask them how are things financially within the house..everthing!
make them think that u are one of them and that u will be them when ur out with ur friends..this way there might be a chance....if not well your parents will need to learn to let go of you some how....dont foget that ur still young and what ever u say to make them understand it will be difficult!!