What is the best way to deal with a newly diagnosed bi-polar husband?

Question

My husband was recently diagnosed as bi-polar. he is now and meds and is doing remarkably well. Before this diagnosis and medication, he was rude, abnoxious, abusive, angry, suicidal, and violent. There were always lies, aldulterous affairs, regression, and demoralization followed with apologies and tears. Is it safe to say all these things were due to his bipolar condition?

Answer 1

Yes, those are all the signs of his disease. He should be fine as long as he stays on the meds. Are you both in therapy? You need it too, not only to help him, but to deal with the feelings that you have about when he demoralized you, and hurt you. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Love him! I have a friend who just found out he is bi-polar and he was often times all over the place. A bi-polar person's mind never stops going. Just try to imagine what you would be like if you were in his shoes. Be in the NOW, don't look at the past or possible future situations that could play out, but here and now. If you live in NOW you will be happy and at peace with yourself. I would also advise learning as much as possible about bi-polar, go to the library. Even see if there are any autobiographies written by a bi-polar person to be able to see what they go through. If he continues being the other person before the meds you can always move on. Don't let someone else take over your power for yourself.

Answer 3

With a lot of love and patience. Though I have to say if you stuck by him before he was diagnosed and treated with him acting like that, you're doing good so far and the rest should be easy. Talk to his doctor about those behavior but I'm pretty confident that it was all the bi-polar.
Help him stay on his meds and to stay with therapy and you will do well. I would suggest that his therapy should be for both of you and not just him. Learn all you can about it because if you have children it is hereditary. Compliment him every day - reassure him that he is doing well.
Good luck and I hope it continues to go well for you.

Edited to add: I was just reading some of these other answers and I'm disgusted-especially the one that criticized the meds. Bi-polar is a neurolgical disorder that needs treatment. Many families are destroyed by it and much crime can be prevented by treating it. If you can't give this woman valid advice - don't answer her. She doesn't need your kind of 'help'.

Answer 4

Not really. A person with a bi-polar personality disorder simply cycles between depression and manic (elevated, excited, even risk taking) behavior. Lies will go with adulterous affairs, of course, but are not a part of bipolarity. Regression and demoralization are not necessarily related to a bipolar personality. The medication will increase his protection against suicidality. It will also dampen his outbursts. You should take him to couples therapy, because medication addresses some symptoms, but does not address characterological change.

Answer 5

OF COURSE those things are due to bipolar. You've just given a checklist of many of the standard symptoms. Some of the answerers here don't seem to understand that if you're bipolar, it means you're crrrazy! Especially in mania. They get no sleep, they spend money, they cheat, they do drugs, they make instant friends and forget them again, they do ALL KINDS of sex stuff, they talk non-stop, they think they have special powers, they think they are immortal, they go into uncontrollable rages, they destroy things, they wreck cars, they go missing for days at a time, and of course they try to kill themselves. Thousands of bipolars succeed at that every year.
It was the disease, not "who he is." Bipolar is one of the most extreme forms mental illness there is. Thank goodness there are drugs that stop it. Your husband was (literally) psychotic, and no doubt feels shame and embarrassment at the terrible things he did and all the damage he caused. You can't hold a person responsible for things he did when he was clinically insane.
But: now he knows. If he goes off the meds and goes manic, then you can hold him responsible.
It's a long, difficult road ahead for you two, but I wish you luck. Wish me luck too, I had a similar experience as you and I'm on the same road.

Answer 6

I must disagree with a lot of the responses.
My best friends husband is bi-polar and what you described was HIM.
He is on medication and doing very well, however, sometimes he will stop and start lying and go downhill. Its just the way he is.

They are working on it and she is keeping track of his meds. making sure. I know that she shouldn't have to act like his mother but that's the way it is for them.

He has ups and downs but they are certainly better then what was before. Bi-Polar is a hard thing to deal with. I would certainly suggest that you meet with his Dr as well and get all of your questions answered.

My friends as in counseling and she is really working on forgiving him for all that he has done. He is truly sorry and they are recovering.

Good luck to you and your husband. I commend both of you for accepting this diagnosis and working with it.

God Bless!

Answer 7

hello
i also suffer from bipolar um really its diffrent for everyone i had suicidal thoughts but at the same time bipolar is where just think of it as a rollar coster ride one minute he can be happy the next he can be angry but those types of behaviors if he realizes that he is doing them at the time cause if he says sorry and he does it again then its not the bipolar glad to hear he is doing better but medication helps but it doesnt cure so i think its mostly him not the bipolar

Answer 8

no, his behavior of Lie's, affairs and so on are from the inner person he really is. Being bi-polar is a treatable problem however his actions are not going to be cured with med's. Get out fast. Actions speak louder than words.

Answer 9

I think that there are several if not the majority of bi-polars out there that don't use their condition as an excuse to have an affair. there is no excuse for an abusive relationship either. I would make it clear that you are sooo out of there if any of this happens again--regardless if he just so happens to forget his meds!

Answer 10

Yes and no.

The problem with those behaviors is that while he may very well have been doing them because he is bi-polar, those types of things also sometimes become habits and coping mechanisms. The meds take away the urges, but the habits are still there. I have witnessed bi-polar disorder up close more than once, and in several cases, people reverted to destructive behaviors even after they had been stabilized on meds for quite some time.

It sounds like it's been pretty hard for both of you, so you might consider looking into counseling. You need to re-learn how to deal with issues that come up. Medication isn't going to fix everything; it's another tool to help him on his road to feeling better.

You also need to read all you can about bi-polar disorder and his meds so that you can know what to expect. For instance, every single person I know who has it has, at some point, gone off their meds because they felt well. They crashed, and two of them ended up in the hospital. Taking psychiatric meds is tricky, because they make you feel so normal and stable sometimes that you can fool yourself into thinking that you don't need them anymore. And people who decide to go off their meds are very clever about it. You need to know the signs so you have a good idea of how his mood is, and whether or not he's taking his meds regularly.

Also, if he has just been diagnosed, he may not be very good at monitoring his mood by himself. You need to help do that, even if you keep it to yourself. I hate to tell you this, but it took me about ten years of taking anti-depressants before I was fairly well able to monitor my moods and determine if my meds were still working or not, and if I was taking the appropriate dosages. And it took a lot of work for me to learn to do that. I have had a lot of help from therapists to learn skills. He is going to need someone who can try to look at him objectively and who can say, "Okay, something's not right, because that's a behavior I haven't seen in a while, and suddenly it's back." You also need to know that psychiatric meds are difficult to be on for extended periods of time. Most people's bodies grow used to the medication after a while, and the dosage either needs to be changed, or the medicine itself needs to be re-evaluated. All of those things are hard to do on your own, so you will need to help with all that, even if, as I said before, you just keep it to yourself.

Other than that, try to carry on as best you can. It's going to be a period of readjustment for both of you, and you are going to have to do a lot of work together. The issues that came up before cannot just be swept under the rug; you need to talk about them and deal with them so that you can move on, and that may take a while. I wish you both good luck in working through it and moving forward.