What is the best way to handle a rejection from a girl in a way that keeps the door open for the future?

Question

I've had a few dates with a girl and I think she is going to have "the talk" with me this weekend. We were getting on really well then I asked if she wanted to come back to mine, which I think has offended her as she's suddenly become a lot "busier". By the way, she's 29 so I know it's not shyness!

I like this girl but I don't want to apologise or it will make me look soft, and I don't think she would like that either! It was uncharacteristic of me to do it and I'm wondering that if she says it's not working out, what could I say to still appear mature and in control so that we could stay in touch, leading to me seeing her still so she can realise that I do like her and am not just interested in sleeping with her then leaving?

Thanks

Answer 1

I'm a male and I've been in your shoes. What I've seen is that when you think you've offended a female, then more than likely you have. Calling her and simply saying "I need a few seconds to say something to you, and then I need to run" is a good start. If she allow you those few seconds simply say "I made an uncharacteristic error the other night by asking you over. My request and comments were premature, and I'm sorry. But, I do want you to know that I do have great respect for you - and, if you care in the future to go out, I'd like that. But, if you have other interest, I can understand that too. Take care. I'll talk with you later". You can also leave her a voice mail, or email.

In doing this, you've admitted your error, and you've clearly left the door open. If she doesn't respond, move on. But, after several weeks, send her a simple card, which should suggest that you like her and would like to go out with her again. Have a specific event lined up that you believe she would enjoy.

Answer 2

I understand that you don't want to opologise, because also it would be quite awquard to say sorry for asking you to come back to mine. Just try and forget that you asked her, don't worry about it, and don't let it bother you, just move on. Maybe first decide whether you keep seeing eachother and once you've sorted that out you can take it from there.....I think if you decide not to see eachother then maybe give it a week or two to give eachother space, then contact her and start by asking her how she is, whether she has had a good week etc....also talk about what you have also been doing so she does'nt get the wrong impression that you are trying to seduce her again;)
Talking a bit about yourself will also make her feel more comfortable and she will see that you are genuine and will take you seriously about wanting to stay in contact.....
If you can though say it directly though it would be good to stay in contact and you think she is nice, bla, bla, bla then do!!
Hope this helps a bit!
Good Luck

Answer 3

Be honest with her, that is the best thing.
I once went out with a girl, we went on quite a few dates and we even slept together, after about a month i think it was she had the talk with me, i was upset but i said that i wanted to remain friends. i still went round and seen her as a friend and although i still had really strong feelings for her i kept it as a friendship to respect her.
We just got married in June and love each more than anything, i would be lost without her and i know she feels the same about me.

OK it worked for us, it might not for you but if you give up you will never know, best to be friends if you can and see if anything else will develop than to just walk away!

Answer 4

Think on... this chat she wants why not just tell her from the heart how u felt when u blurted it out. I dont know of the ooutcome and u maybe panicking over nothing. Just be yourself and if need be apologise for being so forward.

If it's not about that don't go there just see what she has to say

Answer 5

If she doesn't want to take things any further after a few dates it could be that she's just not into you or that she wants to take things slowly.
I would ask her again, and when she says no, ask her why. If she fobs you off with too busy, etc then you know she's not really interested in you. However, if she wants to take things slower, she will probably just come right out and say so.
Than at least you will know where you stand.

Answer 6

Old chap......women never explicitly agree to sex. Inviting her "back to yours" will rarely work because she feels pressure to sleep with you.

You need to give her a legitimate excuse to avoid triggering her anti **** defence mechanism which is built into most girls.

A lot of women want to feel "it just happened" but never "I agreed to have sex with him"

With this girl the best thing you can do is cut her loose and sleep with 5 other women. Then see how you view her.

Remember, always give her a "get out" as to why she came to your apartment.

If she agrees to come back and you're getting physical and she resists then back off immediately, show no anger and say "I understand". Then get up, switch all the lights on, check your e-mail, go the the toilet. ignore her for 10 minutes and if she says "what's wrong" then say "nothing.....I understand".

Guaranteed she will now try to bed you.

Best of luck,

Viking xxx

Answer 7

Tell her you respect her feelings.And that you would like to remain friends no matter what.Tell her your not just out to get laid.Let her know you want to be in her life wheat her she is sleeping with you or not.

Answer 8

Read some tips on this site on how to deal with rejection

Answer 9

She's not rejecting you just because you asked her over,she's not ready to take the next step. Just be cool,don't rush it. If she dumps you for that, then you didn't need her anyway. It's her loss, not yours.

Answer 10

Just talk to her, communication can save a lot of misunderstandings...and you might not hav to apologize at all...