How often do you visit your in-laws?

Question

My in-laws ALWAYS invite the whole family over whenever we visit them, and I find it very overwhelming.

We don't spend any one-on-one time with anyone, we just spend long meals together as a group (2-3) hours.
Since it always seems to be someone's birthday or a holiday, there are always "We love you" and "Our family is so special because..." speeches.
I feel like everyone is going to join hands and sing Kumbaya, or something!

On the other hand, people almost never ask each other "How are you?" or "What's new?", because they are focussed on the family as a whole, not on the individuals within it.
I feel like a participant in a cult, where the members don't matter, only the cult. It grates on my nerves -- am I wrong to feel this way?

How often do I have to visit them each year? How often do YOU visit? I know that this varies depending on distance and culture, so please state your country or culture (if you don't mind) and how far you live from your in-laws.

I love my in-laws individually, but as a group I find them overwhelming.
I love them, but I don't love the atmosphere that they insist on generating by having the whole clan over when we are there.

Answer 1

We live in the US about 300 & 400 miles from inlaws. I wish we lived closer so we could see each other more than 2-3 times each year. If you live close enough to inlaws why don't you invite them to come to your place to have one-on-one time? Or maybe each of you meet halfway for a get-away weekend for personal time together. It seems like you like the inlaw family but would rather visit in smaller gatherings. Try to make it happen with parents one gathering & siblings another gathering. Good Luck

Answer 2

Well, I know what you mean, my family is like that. We always get together as a group and, frankly, I do not enjoy myself whenever I meet only one or two relatives.

That is how the family of your husband must feel. They are happy whenever they are together.

People have stressed lives these days and it is good to go back to what you were accustomed to do before.

I do not have in-laws since I am only 18, but I guess that I would not like them very much if they did not get together like my family does...

You must accept them how they are. If they want to get together, then you go and don't get upset because you are not considered an individual.

It is even better, you are part of what they think is the most sacred, the family. You should be happy...

I am from Albania by the way. It is in Europe.

Answer 3

MY in-laws live on the other side of town LESS than 5 minutes away. I see them usually several times a week.

I like having the FAMILY dinners. Usually on Sundays. It is a time to get together & have a good meal.

We have a small family ONLY my inlaws - mother/father inlaw, sister/brother inlaw, parents - mother/father & sister.

My husband & I have 3 kids. So it is a small group.

WE don't see MY parents much at all. Good thing too! LOL They live on the other side of the state 150 miles EAST of here. We see them MAYBE 4 - 6 times a year IF THAT!

Answer 4

My in-laws live one and a half hours away, as does the rest of the family. We visit them once a month, sometimes twice, depens. We like each other very much even though I don't speak German and at least my husband's parents' dont speak any of the languages I speak, so we mostly talk though my husband or "signing". (I just started language lessons though.) When we lived in the States, my family dropped by anytime, sometimes with a 5 min. warning (its the Latin way for many). Now that we live in Europe, I see them once a year if I'm lucky. I know how you feel though, but it is MY side of the fam. that is kind of overwhelming when I see them all at once. And too loud for me... So I take breaks from them with the excuse that I will take the baby for a stroller walk and ask ONE of them at a time to join me. Then I use that time to catch up with him/her. At least I get to learn something about one of them in each visit. With my in-laws here in Switzerland, I also make individual invitations for lunch at my place. That way I have control of how many come and for how long. I explain that its important for me that since they are so many, that my son gets to know each one of them individually as a person and have a chance to play with them. So, they dont get jealous when its not their turn yet. Some of the fam. members have started to return the favor so its kind of nice bec. now I am not the only one that cooks!

Answer 5

I visit my "in laws" (long time bf of 10 years) at least 2 times a week. I go to church with them every Sunday. Sometimes I drop by unexpected during the week and just chat for a while. They live 10 minutes away. Far enough away but not across the street.

Answer 6

Lets see...they live 2 hours away and we visit whenever there's a birthday or holiday. USA We don't usually visit "just because" and that's fine with me.

As for one on one....why not go over there unannounced, or say you're just passing through on your way to a friend's house and stay an hour to ask them How they're doing?

Answer 7

Singapore. from east to central of singapore. i stay with my in-laws however my husband visit my parents at least twice in a month or even more. maybe you can just drop them a visit anytime you are free with your wife rather than always joining the party. that is what my husband and me do.

Answer 8

If you don't feel like going then don't go... I am through with pretending to enjoy when I visit family or friends...if I don't feel like it I will cancel...
When the whole family is gathered...try to see which person you feel most comfortable with..and just sit next to him/her and try to make a single conversation by asking how he/she is doing...maybe they will follow your example...sometimes groupmeeting is good, but personall attention is also valuable

Answer 9

Time to place down the regulation, firmly yet with courtesy. As husband and spouse, you're priority #a million to a minimum of one yet another. family members isn't. Your husband desires to understand this. you are going to be the main severe ingredient in his existence and vice-versa. such as you suggested, you get alongside with your in-regulations. it particularly is different from you're banishing them. whilst human beings get married, there is often that section approximately promising to love and honor. properly, you are going to be able to desire to be venerated. i'm hoping issues artwork out for you!

Answer 10

my husband and I are Jewish and we visit my in laws once a year, even though they live down the street from us. However my husband is at his mother's house everyday helping her with chores. My family, we visited about once a month.