dirty old man?

Question

Dirty old man!





A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th
birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good
about the results. On her way home, she stops at a
newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says
to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but
how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks
the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops
in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes
up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old
man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a surefire way
to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward,
but it requires you to let me put my hands under your
bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how
old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until her
curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts
out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins
to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces
and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each
nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay,
okay...How old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes
his hands, and says, "Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was
incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man says,! "Promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Answer 1

This blond really wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, & , getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she began to cut a hole in the ice.

Suddenly---from the sky--- a voice boomed out, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE
ICE"

Startled, she moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and started to cut another hole. And again a voice from above..."THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

The blond, now worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, &
started another hole. The voice came once more... "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

She stopped...looked skyward...& said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied: "No, this is the skating rink manager!!"

Answer 2

78 years old but young at heart!!

Answer 3

he just sees the opportunity & took it. not bad for a 78-years old.

Answer 4

Thank you dear , it is a nice story but the old man is not dirty he is intelligent.

Answer 5

I have read this joke once.
But it's still very funny to read again.

Answer 6

Cute but too long

Answer 7

thats nasty but in a funny kind of way

Answer 8

Lol

Answer 9

Hahaha that's a knee slapper!

Answer 10

funny