Is it wrong for me to hate my mother?.....?

Question

I used to be really close to her when I was little. I went with her everywhere and couldn't stand being away from her. I would do anything just to please her and she took advantage of me by ordering me to do things the way she liked. Then things slowly started to change when I realized that no matter what I did she could never love me. I feel that she has been taking me for granted all along. She even said that I shouldn't have been born when I have always been a good girl. I hardly ever give my parents any trouble. I was a straight-A student I even came top of my class and when I told my mom the news she listened like it wasn't a big deal. But whenever my sister who's always been such a brat achieves something she would go and brag about it to everybody.

Also she always makes excuses for my sister when my sister never appreciates her effort one bit. The only person who understands me is my dad. He means the world to me and we're pretty much alike in looks and personality. My dad, unlike my mom isn’t blind he knows what my sister’s like. How she has been bullying me and what I have to put up with everyday. I can say that my mom and sister are alike because they’re both bitches. I’m very close to my dad unlike most daughters I always go to him whenever I want to talk to someone. I know for a fact that he loves me very much and I know that my mom resents me for it. She thinks my dad loves me more than my sister. I don’t know if it’s true or not but I don’t care as long as I know he loves me.

Sorry for this being too long.

Answer 1

You shouldn't "hate" your mother, even though she doesn't treat you the same as she treats your sister. Love her and respect her, but loving her because she is your mom and respecting her because she is your mother doesn't mean you have to take her bullsh*t.
Since this issue obviously means something to you, you should tell her how you feel. She needs to know that she treats you very differently from your sister and that isn't right. Your dad should also be made aware of how you feel - especially since you and he are close. You might not have the same relationship that your sister has with your mom, but at least you have a great relationship with your dad.

Answer 2

I am so sorry your mother said you shouldn't have been born. That is a terrible thing for a mother to say.

I had a lot of trouble with my mom growing up. I sometimes felt like I "hated" her, too. You probably don't hate her, but it is ok to feel that way. The only thing you could do is tell your mom how she makes you feel, but it sounds like her reaction won't be so great.

If you have a good relationship with your Dad, that's great. With mom, just periodically try to be the one who improves the relationship. Maybe one of these times (perhaps when you get older) she will catch on.

When you have your own kids, you'll realize that this was your mom's issue and not yours, and you will probably find a way to make peace with her. Moms love their children -- they just don't always show it very well. My mom did to me a lot of the things you have described. While what she did was wrong, I have accepted the fact that this was her problem, not mine, and I have moved on. You will, too. Hang in there!

Answer 3

It's called Family Dynamics . Can you imagine what ur family
would be like if U were just like ur sis and mom ?? Be thankfu
you are not!! My mother spoiled my sister all her life, still does.
I don't ask her for anything or very rarely talk to her. Because she
never treated me with love, kindness,value,respect. She didn't
nurture me emotionally at all. Maybe she doesn't know how ?
Or maybe she doesn't care ? The fact is...it doesn't really
matter how they are. What's more important is how U are.
They may never change....but U CAN...I am happier when I am
not around them, so much. I do my own stuff. And U should too!

Answer 4

No it's not wrong at all. And you shouldn't care if your dad prefers you. It sounds like she prefers your sister, so why should she care? If all those problems are starting to get to you, you should talk to her. If that can't be resolved you should move in with your dad. I don't know if they are together, because you didn't mention it. But if they are together talk to both of them. If all else fails just be patient and wait till your 18. Go to college and move in on campus. You can do it on your own as long as your father is there for you. He will be there to support you and thats all that matters. I have the same problem, but what makes my situation different is I have a step-mom. The only reason I am still around the house is because of my dad. I avoid her at all times. Situations arise once in a while. But I manage to be patient. And I know she can't kick me out of the house because my dad will stand by me. So just be patient. Good things come to those who wait.

Answer 5

I dont think you hate her, otherwose you wouldnt be writing this. But I dont this is bad to feel the way you feel. Im glad you get alone with your dad at least. Im the same way. (different issues though) I think you should talk to your dad a little bit more and find where this came from. But ive seen this type of behavior and it really I havent seen anybody change. Im srry I really dont know what else to say. Im sure you have talked to her about it. If not, talk to her and tell her the same exact thing you feel inside you. Try whenever you two are alone away from the house. Just tell her, exactly how you feel.

Answer 6

Wow, this is my life. You will get over the hurt someday, and be kind to her still and she will admit she was wrong. Bottom line is ya'll are probably so similar that you make her uncomfortable.
She won't be able to count on your sister when she gets old and needs care, but your Dad made you feel loved enough that you will be there and take care of them both. You will have a wonderful mature relationship with your mom. No need for hate ever.

Answer 7

Be happy that you have a good relationship with your dad. Don't worry about your sister.

As far as your mom goes, it might or might not get better. Just because someone gives birth doesn't mean they are capable of being a parent. Some women are too selfish and immature to be good mothers. I know its lonely for you, but it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. Its your mom's problem, not yours. Just continue being who you are, and don't be tempted to be bad or get bad grades cause you think that will get her attention. She won't really care and you are only hurting yourself.

Remember how you would have liked your mom to treat you, and then when you have your own children, do everything you can to be that kind of mom to them.

I know you didn't do anything wrong to cause her to be that way, I never did anything wrong either, and my mother just couldn't be a mother to me. But I grew up and its ok now, I have a great relationship with my daughters and they always know their mom loves them.

Be patient with yourself and if you get really sad about it, ask your dad to get some counseling for you. If he can't then ask at school, most schools have someone you can talk to.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 8

First of all you aren't the only daughter who is close to her father......Sure it sounds like your mom doesn't love you but have you stopped to think that maybe she has something on her mind..Have you ever asked her if something is wrong...Of course not because you are too busy making everything your sister and moms fault..I am sure it hurt when she didn't say much about being one of the top in your class..But consider her feelings too..Talk to her find out whats wrong

Answer 9

you're a straight-A student right? Being a good daughter is not measured by your performance in class. Remember that SKILLS & KNOWLEDGE is easy as abc and 123 while ATTITUDE is cannot be learned by just reading a book.
Communicate openly to your mom my dear Straight-A student & express to her your feelings, you can do it...and dont worry its very normal because it really happens.

Love everyone in your family unconditionally especially those with weaknesses like your sister. Break the ice and God Bless!!!

Answer 10

I wonder how old you are. In any case, I know how hard sometimes relationsips between parents and children can be (though in my 26 I don't even look like a child ;) ).

So, is it wrong to hate your mother? Neither wrong no right. It just shows how desperate and hurt you are by your mothers treatment. In a way your hatered shows your helplessness. I'm sure somewhere deep in your heart you love her. Your hatred is an expression of your subconcsious, where you're would like her to appreciate your love.
There had been an opinion here to tell her how you feel about all of this. That may help. Though from my own experience I know that sometimes some people are closed for listening as if the function of listening and understanding people' sfeelings has been blocked inside their heads.
I had the same problem about 10 years ago. There was And just like you I though it is wrong and I wouldn't even dare to ask anyone like you did. Later I understood that no matter what, my parents love me. They don't always show it, it won't even strike them to show it at least once in a while, I just had to find ways to feel it. And someone also said that "Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all their hearts."
Even now I have a whole bunch of problems, but I know that it is their ways I hate, it is their understanding of the world I hate, but I love them with all my heart.
However, you can't make you love (or not hate her) your mom - it is something you should feel, not something you should try to do because you have to. Once again, your hate showes just how helpless and desperate you feel in your subconcsious. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS SITUATION, instead of just keeping it inside and letting the hatred bloom untill your relationship with your mom is totally damaged. And just be ready that your initiatives are not going to be always appreciated. Doing something, make sure that you don't do it from hatred or from just wanting to be appreciated. Find that love you once felt to your mom, and do it with love. Finally, instead of feeling like a wounded beast learn to respect yourself and your ways more. Respect is sometimes even stronger than love. Love without respect can be easily ruined, respect without love can stand whatever.
If you feel that she isn't really happy to hear your achievements, stop telling her. Instead, tell your dad. That will give you much more positive emotions. Why hurt yourself telling your mom and then living in pain that she is not glad for you. If she is not, fine, be glad yourself, be proud for yourself and share your joy with someone who would be glad for and proud of you. You can't make your mom be glad for you just like you can't make yourself not to hate her. The only thing you CAN do is stop paying attention to it. Switch to another channel - your dad, your friends, your boyfriend, finally YOURSELF!!!
I would tell more, but looks like I have such a looooooooooooooooooooong reply that no one's gonna read it :)
In any case, wish you luck!