2006-08-23 17:26:46 · 11 answers · asked by cynthia p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Tell them it's time they grow up and become adults!! Give them a reasonable time limit for moving out if they still live at home. Make them get a job if they don't have one!
My mother in law enables my in laws that live with her (my brother in law and his wife-her son, her daughter in law). They've been living off of her for the past 3 years, he only has a part time job, they only pay 3 bills, they even have cell phones!!, she doesn't work!!, she doesn't help with housework, she is 21, he is 24, she doesn't even have a drivers license...
I hope your situation isn't as bad, but make them grow up. It's the only way they will, because once your dead and gone, they aren't going to know how to take care of themselves because you've been doing it! You don't want to worry about them when/if something happens to you. So, teach them how to be adults NOW....good luck!!!
2006-08-23 17:34:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is really no way. If you have the means,and they need help and you are a good and loving parent, you must help.It's our job to rear our children to the point where the can stand on their own 2 feet.One day a light bulb will go off in their head and they will finally grow up.Another alternative would be to spend all their inheritance and move in with them when you are a bed wetting, drooling,babbling old person and make them take care of you!
2006-08-24 00:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by Pat C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start learning to say NO.
Such as:
"I think it's great you are pursuing xxx, but no, I can't help you pay for it"
"it's too bad your job is not working out. No, I won't pay your rent while you "look for something new".
"I'm busy that weekend. I can't help you with that, sorry"
Repeat as often as necessary.
In the long run, it's better for them to be self-reliant, not lazy bums without initiative whose parents keep bailing them out. Enabled adults make terrible spouses, neighbors, employees and parents. Remember what your enabling is really doing TO them, not FOR them. Don't let them guilt trip you.
2006-08-24 00:43:15 · answer #3 · answered by boo radley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats not an easy question to answer I have 3 sons ages 26 25 & qlmost 22 the two older ones have bee on there own for along time but b/f they got good jobs i would pay a few of there bills they even live in one of my houses with no rent or utilitys they would pay there car notes ins. and a few of the groc and of course the y had dates as long as they try to do better i dont mind helping now & then our youngest son got a 16 yr old girl friend in the family way they got married and they are both very happy but they live w/ us while they get an educatin hes in college and she is finishing hs w/ homeschool some say i should put them out but they are good kids and work hard she cleans houses and washing for other and they are great parents to my grand son hes 2 now and our joy now if any of mind refussed to work or try to make good out of there time and all or if they were on drugs or drinking well im not sure my husband would let me do anything he makes them be responsible for their actins he use to say yur kids and mine may make the same error in there life but kneow whe n you do good ,thigs wk for you and when you do dumb things there is a price to pay we never spanked our boys much but i remember our rm looking like a flea market at times when they got punished as long as you live here you go to schol or wk or both good look as parents its hard to make them see they need to do for themself and you always need to be there saftey net as long as they do there part God bless
2006-08-24 00:43:41 · answer #4 · answered by Msdeb gee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by putting your foot down and realizing once they are grown its your time and you need to live for you and realize that as long as you allow them they are going to walk all over you to get what they want ...until they start giving to you as much as you give to them cut them off quit giving to them and tell them why you are doing it .... its gonna be hard I know ..I have kids too... it is very hard to have something they want and not just give it to them to make them happy ... but you can do it and its the only way to make them see what they would have to do if you weren't there ..what are they gonna do when you aren't around ..(sit around without what they want or need ) or get up and figure out a way to get it ?
2006-08-24 00:35:38 · answer #5 · answered by ptmamas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enabling them to do what? You need to be more specific.
2006-08-24 00:39:53 · answer #6 · answered by jen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teach them responsibility.
2006-08-24 00:29:11 · answer #7 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
cut them off
2006-08-24 00:46:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put 'em out
2006-08-24 00:28:14 · answer #9 · answered by dadnnelle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
seek therapy and you will get stronger
2006-08-24 00:28:45 · answer #10 · answered by ashley 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋