Will my girlfriend and I ever lose our virginity?

Question

We are both 19 and very much in love. We have been together a little over a year. I will be moving away from her soon to go back to college. Then we will only be able to see each other at weekends. I don't want to be tempted by any other women but I feel like I should have lost my virginity by now. She has said that she wants to have sex for a few months now but is terrified of getting pregnant. Also her mother is religious and against sex before marriage (although I don't know if she put that into practice). She was going to go on the pill but was afraid when she learned it increases your risk of getting cancer. I feel as though if she loves me half as much as she says it would have happened by now. It annoys me to see my friends hooking up with random people who mean nothing to them and that they have shared more with their chosen randomer (in the sexual department) than I have with the woman I love. I'd greatly appreciate your different opinions.

If something were to go wrong and it didn't work out, I would rather have lost my virginity with a person I was in love with rather then after with somebody I didn't know nearly as well.

Thanks for the answers so far. (p.s I would have been planning to use a condom in conjunction with the pill)

Answer 1

Well, that really is a decision you should make for yourself. I understand your dilemna, however, I understand hers too. If she wants to wait, don't pressure her; REGARDLESS of how you feel about it. If you feel you cannot wait, then you probably don't need to be with her. I know that sounds harsh, and she will find it harsh as well if you break up with her for that reason, but you have to be honest with yourself.

The fact is: you're ready to have sex, she is not. Do you (a) cheat, (b) break up with her because she won't have sex, or (c) stay with her and wait?

If you cheat, you'll disappoint yourself because you say you love her so much. And, if and when she finds out, she may never speak to you again.

If you break up with her because you're ready and she's not, again, she'll probably never speak to you again. And, again, you'll hate yourself for it if you really love her.

If you stay with her and wait for when she's ready, it may or may not be a very pleasurable experience. It may be pleasurable because of how you feel about her. It may be unpleasurable because you'll have sex with her and realize that the "first time" is soooo overrated, that you may actually be disappointed.

Again, only you can decide how you will handle this. My opinion: if you love her like you say you do, you must wait till she's ready. ((And become really, really good friends with your right hand.))

Answer 2

You will lose your viginity but only when the time is right.

Don't pressure your girlfriend. That's the last thing she needs ... and don't feel that you're being left behind simply because others around you are having sex. It will happen when the time is right, sir.

Be comfortable with each other is my advice. No need for pressure. No need for recriminations.

Your girlfriend may love you immensely. This is not an indication that she must have sex though. People brought up in religious households are led to believe that sex before marriage is a sin. If you are deeply religious, that's enough to frighten the life out of you.

There were scare stories a few years ago about the links between the pill and cancer. Happily, that seems to have subsided with modern day pills. As others have already said, anything you do/eat/experience can give you cancer. If you have a pre-disposition to cancer you will get it no matter what you do.

Enjoy each other's company, sir. There's more to this life than sex for sex's sake. You have many years ahead of you.

Take care.

Answer 3

Don't pressure her. When she is ready for sex she will let you know. If you pressure her and things don't work out she may regret not sticking to her believes. You have to respect her wishes and back off of the subject. But if you do decide the time is right then make sure you BOTH use bill control. You both need more education on birth control. Contact your local planned parenthood center so that you both can get the sex education you both desperately need.

The pill does not cause cancer, however not being on some type of birth control can cause you both to have a problem that can last for at least 18 years. It's called a child. If she doesn't want to use the pill, then you better be prepared to use a condom or have a baby.

Answer 4

I believe that you simply CANNOT go through life always preparing for the worst and living in fear. It's no life

And have you ever noticed that the more confident ones who seem not to have any fear and go for what they want very often GET what they want and then some!!

Sure, it's possible to get thrombosis and cancer from the pill but the chances with modern day pills are absolutely miniscule. There is more chance of me being hit by a bus and being struck by lightning on the same day. Also, ever time I go outside in the sun I can get skin cancer, hepatitus, every time I have a blood test at the hospital I could get HIV.

If you are both virgins and not introveous drug users then the possibility of STD's/HIV is zero. The pill is also 100% effective if used properly (i.e She takes it daily for each cycle within the specified time limit and doesn't vomit/bring anything back up after heavy drinking, etc.

I would advise you just stop putting so much pressure on yourselves and just enjoy getting to know each other's bodies and then when you want sex then JUST DO IT.

Very best wishes,
Viking xxx

Answer 5

Sex is a really big thing for women i mean it is for men too but we really r scared of it. Just because we say we are ready doesnt mean that we are ready we want to be so that it dosent seem that we are pusses but you know our virginity is precious to us it is the diference between being called a **** or a goody goody no matter what sex or no sex we are steryotyped but guys arent if they have had sex with a lot of women they are called a player or pimp he is cool but if a girl does this it is hoish just help her and if you really do love her other women should not tempt you so keep yourwits about you and make sure that before you both go through with it that you are both truly ready for it

Answer 6

so you think that if your girlfriend really loved you, that you would have already had sex by now? are you serious? she might love you enough to marry you- doesn't mean she has to have sex with you before she's ready. she's being smart- what if she did get pregnant.. what would you do then? if you're in college you don't have the money to afford a baby. so what if you see your friends hooking up randomly- that's skanky. if you really love your girlfriend then wait until she's ready- preferably after you have stabilized your relationship (b/c sounds like you're having some problems) and maybe wait until marriage. the bad thing these days is that teens feel that it is a race to loose their virginity, and it shouldn't be. it'll happen when it's time, and you shouldn't rush it... trust me your friends that are hooking up now are going to have trouble finding (and staying) in a serious relationship (which is sounds like you are in). if you love your girlfriend you shouldn't have to be worried about being tempted by other women.. don't try to make up an excuse for why you might cheat on your girlfriend... like, 'oh, well you weren't giving it up, and this girl was..." nope.. only makes you sound like a jerk and like you really don't love your girl as much as you're saying.. so.. if you really love your girl.. just wait!

Answer 7

Sex can be very scary for girls, even more so with religious/strict mothers. Don't question if she loves you because she won't have sex. Sex requires a lot of commitment to some girls. I would continue to discuss it. When it eventually happens remind her that she can take a morning after pill and you Trojan condoms, they are the best. Good luck and don't rush it. Not everyone needs to have sex outside of marriage or a life partnership. Relax you aren't the only one.

Answer 8

The first girl who is sleeping around seems like a b***h to me, i bet you are nt the only guy she is keeping on the hook, if talking to er makes you feel confused about your feelings then stop talking to her, cut her off, if she really cares about you, she will try for a while to talk to you... and the other girl who understands your situation and is faithful and stuff, she really cares about you.. she is the one you should be caring about... not the one who is sleeping around and lying... get over her, you have something so much better waiting for you, but she won't wait long... do not take her for granted!! :)

Answer 9

I too think that if you two are very much in love that you both can wait. get married first..... dont lose your virginity just to lose it. that is something you can never get back. i mean i know you two want another way to express your love to eachother. but you dont have to listen to some person you dont even know its all up to the both of you.

Answer 10

Everything causes cancer, just living causes cancer man. Get her on the pill if she is willin and wrap it up.

That will basically guarantee you wont get her pregnant.