Step parent issues?

Question

I have a teenager who had friend over the house while we were out. My husband (being 20 years in the military) is stomping around the house, thretening to leave me, because I wont beat her ***. I took her keys and phone away. I think this is enough. My husband is a step father to this teen by the way. I don't see myself as a lax parent. I just but head with my husband because I think he is too hard and unforgiving. This is going to end our marrage because he can't get his own way over dicipline he says he going to leave. I don't know how to bring the peace back in my home.

Answer 1

I would explain to him that in this day and age you just cant whoop a$$, especially a teenager, then things could get worse. Material things matter nowadays, Things have changed and he needs to realize this, Discipline is a big issue among parents and even harder for step parents, You need respect from your daughter and your husband and you can get that in others ways besides spanking.
Marriage/Family counseling is a good suggestion. Military is big on respect and if he can see and understand that your daughter respects you and changes her ways, then maybe things can work

Answer 2

Your teenager, having a friend over your house while you were out is so unacceptable. You didn't mention if your teen is a guy or a girl. Being in the military for 20 years is good because he was exposed to different scenarios of disciplining. He is not too hard nor unforgiving. He is just trying to avoid problems. I think he has reasons. Why don't you sit down together with your teen, discuss things and let him voice out what he has in mind. I'm sure he a a very good reason. Communication will bring back peace. Good luck!

Answer 3

I need more information before I can make an informed judgment about this. So she had a friend over. Was it a boy? A girl? Was it one time? Does she have a pattern of obnoxious behavior? Is your husband flipping out because you never discipline your daughter, or is your daughter basically a good kid and your husband is a violent a**hole?

One thing is for sure - you two need to get on the same page about what disciplinary method you both agree on. And yes, you DO have the last word on this because you are the biological parent. Don't just let your husband take over because it is YOUR responsiblity.

Answer 4

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time with teen and hubby. (prayers)
You are right by the discipline you choose for your daughter and I personally commend you for wanting to keep your parental duty strong.
As for your husband; beating someones rear isn' t the answer in any matter. He needs to understand that threatening to leave because he didn't get "his" way is well....childish.
Maybe come to an understanding that all punishment will be discussed in a calm manner and that an agreement will be made between you two before it's given. If hot heads begin...call it off for a few mins and then continue.
I sure hope this helps.

Answer 5

Is there more to it than just this one time?
It seems to me that either he has an anger issue or there's been more than just this incident, even smaller infractions, that have piled up over the years. ( Just because he's been in the military doesn't mean anything, either). And having "a friend" (yeah, right, just one?) over while you're gone could lead to lots of other things--not even to mention legal issues (teen drinking, driving, someone gets hurt on your property, bit by the dog--that's when it happens, when NOBODY'S SUPP TO BE OVER!!).
Everyone's gonna say the same thing and they are right:

FAMILY COUNSELING!
If he's still IN the military, check with the base--they probably offer some sort of family counseling. If not, contact your local mental health center. And tell Sarge it's not MARRIAGE counseling, it's FAMILY counseling--you need it, he needs it and MOST OF ALL YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS IT.

Answer 6

Well being it's you and your husbands home your daughter has to adhere and obey all house rules.....as for taking the phone and keys away not good enough I really didn't here you say she was grounded or punished enough phones please keys please I myself didn't receive house keys until I was 18yrs old. but then again I really didn't need them being that mom was always home. As for me I understand your husband I served 6 years in the navy rules are rules like it or not perhaps you can sit down and talk with your husband and ask him what will be appropriate type of punishment aside from a beating the child.will he be o.k. if you took away allowances for a month or no driving privileges no mall hanging out until she/he shows that she is responsible then and only then will she be given the trust she deserves...no shopping no dances no nothing. Just school and church. She is not to be left alone where you go she goes like it or not. If she questions you and tries to defy you well you can figure it out yourself you really don't need someone at yahoo to tell you what to do.....

Answer 7

I have a step paretning group that I think would be of some interest to you, we all are step parents one way or another we help each other through the times to get past and such. My e-mail is in my profile and I also have a web page you can go to for some links on information on step parenting my site is (geocities.com/parentingsteps).
I agree with you for the most part, she is your daughter. How would he discipline if it was his child, if the shoe was on the other foot?

Answer 8

Sit his military butt down and tell him that because he is in the military and they can't take a crap with out permission that is not the way that things work with teenage kids.. they have to be treated like normal people . I can see after 20 years in the military that he has forgotten this..
If he threatens to walk.. let him go he will come back.. You don't beat a teens A** anymore. it don't work that way..You have to have other ways to deal with her and you did good taking away her keys and phone.. just don't give them back to soon..
First of all talk to you daughter and tell her about the problem you are having with her step dad so that she understand.s. if you love him tell her that to.. Don't blame her for what is going on it isn't her fault.. it is his because he is acting like a child himself.. If the two of you really love each other he is going to have to be the patient one and sit back and let you deal with it in your own way..
I imagine that his yelling and stomping around is getting the point across to her by its self.
I think that getting peace back in your home again is going to have to come after he has calmed down and realizes that he is the one that is over reacting.. he will calm down just let him go do what he has to do.. And when he comes back remind him that you aren't going to fight all the time over your disapline actions..because it isn't his place. weather he is suporting her or not.. he is not the real father to her and most kids will point that out.. with the old you aren't my father you can't tell me what to do..The two of them will have to be able to get along to have a peacefull relationship.
I wish you all the luck in the world.. I have had this problem with a step father before also and it is a hard one to work around.. so be patient and talk to him.. he will be alright..

Answer 9

My advice to you is to tell him do what he has to do. That is rather immature for a grown man to give you such an ultimatum. Making you choose between your child or him. I would definitely seek counseling to help you bring peace in your home. Clearly ya'll do need some help on agreeing to the best way to parent YOUR child.

Answer 10

We had problems with my hubby's daughter. Lucky for me, she is over 18 and I had the locks changed. Not so much for you though, because your child is still a minor.

Tell him to remember his youth. You punished her by taking things away. If it happens again, let your hubby open up a can of whoop *** on her.