What does a father have to do.?

Question

I discovered a month ago that I became a father. I had nothing to do with its mother during her pregnancyand only got involved with the child when the perternity test proved positive. The child has been unwell since it was born and is now in hospital and will be there for a long while according to his doctors.
The childs mother has been excelent as a mother to date and has been under a lot of stress because of both his illness and the fact that she lives in the hospital with him.
However because of work and the fact that I have another family though I have been seperated from my wife for a long number of years I can't spend as much time in the hospital as i would like or indeed as the baby's mother would like me to.
As a result she refuses to give me details of the childs progress and won't answer my phone call or texes. I told her because of work and because of long standing arangements with my other kids who are grown up now I won't be able to visit for two weeks. Is she right..

Answer 1

she may not be right, but she really needs you right now, it must hurt her somuch that the father of her ill child is not around, maybe try to take a couple dayz off work to be there for her,,,it would brighten up her day, and your babys,,,wouldnt you be sad if your child passes away, and you didnt even get to say goodbye? or i love you?,,,you must have at least some love for your baby, to be there,,,,if not, you must be a cold person,

Answer 2

Let the mother know that you are sorry you were not there during her pregnancy and delivery. Tell her that even though things did not work out between the two of you, you still want to be a responsible father. You should never say because you have another family that you can't visit your sick child. You need to make time to go visit that baby. Sometimes, sick babies don't have two weeks left. Your other children are grown up, so why don't you let them know the situation and alter your plans slightly to allow yourself an hour or two at the hospital every few days? Perhaps also explaining the situation to your boss would allow some time to go see the baby. I'm not sure if you were not involved during the pregnancy because you didn't know about it or if you were denying the child was yours, so the not wanting to return your calls thing may be bitterness over having to go through this ordeal alone.

Answer 3

It is scary to be alone and have a child, especially one that is unhealthy and in the ICU. As a father, you have moral obligation to be there for your son. You shouldn't be asking "what do I HAVE to do?" You should just be there doing it. It's what is right and it is your responsibility as his father. You sure were there when he was being created, weren't you? The impression I get from your question, is you are more annoyed that the child needs you and it seems to be interrupting the plans you already had. You also seem to resent that fact that his mother wants you to come and spend time with the baby. Well, guess what that baby might not make it and where were you? At work? On the phone calling in your sympathy? You don't HAVE to do anything. You can just work and hang out with your other kids, which I'm assuming are grown, alive and well. You can make yourself feel better by calling and checking in with text messages. But ultimately, you will pay the price in extreme guilt when you weren't there to see your son pass on, or to revel in the success of his survival. You shouldn't have gotten yourself into a situation where you needed to divide your life between two families if you didn't think you could handle it. I don't think the woman is right for not keeping you up to date on the details, but I can see where she is coming from. She probably figures you can get your happy *** to the hospital and see for yourself how he is doing. If you really cared, you would work in time at the hospital everyday, even if just for 5 or 10 minutes, just to show your support for your baby.

SO GET YOUR BUTT OFF THE COMPUTER AND DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL. If you can make time to ask questions on Yahoo! you can go see your critically ill baby.

Also, the baby is not an "It" or "The Child" He is your son. You could start referring him by a more affectionate term.

I pray for your son that he gets well and lives a very happy and full life.

Answer 4

Nobody is right and nobody is wrong here.This woman needs to know you love this child as much as she does and you need to show you do by being there for your child,If your other kids are grown up they must understand the situation and give you time to be with this baby who's life seems so precious.
How would you live with yourself if things take a turn for the worse and you werent around?
I understand why your childs mom isnt giving you progress reports,she is probably thinking if she doesnt tell you how he is, then you will have to go to the hospital & see him to find out.
Think how this child is feeling not seeing his daddy at a time when he really needs him, you cannot let this child down.
Go and be with him.NOW!!

Answer 5

If your kids are grown up they should be able to understand your current situation and the need for you to be at the hospital. She, as you said, is under a ton of stress and even though you arent with her this is still your child and they both need some support. I dont know what the illness is but don't you think a little inconvenience now is better than regretting doing nothing for years?

Answer 6

the important thing is that you are trying. You have just as much right to know how your child is doing. If there are no legal papers to say otherwise there is no reason you can't talk to the doctors yourself. Depending how ugly things get and how much you want to be involved in this child's life you might want to consider consulting a lawyer just to establish your rights. I don't mean that in a way to be nasty to the child's mother. She is under a lot of stress as you said and is probably acting on emotion rather than seeing that you are doing the best you can.

Answer 7

i know a buddy who was put in the same situation. but he took righ to it and became a father and has been great at it since.

that was a one night stand and though they aren't a couple he try's to work at it too make it seem normal for the kid. they attend everything as a family etc.

you should do your best to be there if you care. i don't know do you? if you don't then you know and i know that showing any interest only gives false hope and that's just not right of you. but can you live with walking away? that IS YOUR KID even if you don't think so. you gonna do family like that? f#ck the mom-WHAT ABOUT YOUR BLOOD?

don't give up.

Answer 8

if the mother of your child wont give you any information have you tried contacting the hospital your self. i myself have been in a simular situation as her where my child was ill and his father didnt come and see him i know you may be doing all you can but from her point of view its as tho you dont want to make the time to visit, not that you are unable too u know yourself in your heart what is right for you even if its a few minutes they would problably mean the world to her, after all you have time to post a question on here so whats five miutes seeing your child in hospital. dont mean to sound rude but thats how it will look to her.

Answer 9

It is understandable why she is upset. Even if all you can do is pop in for a short visit you need to be there for the child. The mother seems to need you, but I do feel that you have little obligation to her. Be civil, but it seems that you do not have an intense relationship.
That child needs to know that his daddy cares. Pop in to see the baby even if you can not stay long. It will mean so, so much in the end.

Answer 10

As the bio father of this child, you need to decide RIGHT NOW if you're going to be a part of his/her life at all or not. Here are your options:

1) Remain a CREEP
2) Be there for her and the baby. He/she is YOUR child. You NEED to be there for the mom and baby!!! Be there as much as you can - and MAKE the time.

If you choose to give up all parental rights, then so be it. But don't be a deadbeat dad and only be available WHEN it's convenient.

I'm not meaning to be harsh. But you need to do what's right by the BABY!

Good luck. Let us know if you need another ear.

Answer 11

Sorry to heat your son is sick. I cant iamgine being alone in a hospital with a sick child. My son was sick as well and I needed my husbands support more than anything. She may be pushing you away to make you want to be there more. sounds crazy, but thats how women think sometimes. You need to try to spend every minute you can with your son. You never know what tomorrow will bring. He will always be more important than your job and should be just as important as your other children!