deep relationship question please help!?

Question

this girl and i have been dating for a year now our relationship started when she still have a BF but he was in iraq we never had sex until she ended it with this guy. she cheated on me a month back but didnt sleep with the guy it was a mistake she is clinically depressed and was in a depressed state she got on meds and is back to her old self. She is the most amazing girl in the world we talk of the future but she contridicts herself.She drops hints like my ring size is 6, and has talks about what would happen if she gets pregent, talks about moving in with me next summer after i grad college. but she says shes not totally sure what she wants. why does she keep bringing up marriage questions if shes not sure? i want to marry her, but i cant tell what she really wants what is your advice do i ask her to marry me in a few months when shes had more time to think about it? or do i stop thinking about it and just see where things go? i really do want to grow old with her... thanks

Answer 1

First, understand this.... if she has a history of indecision it will not stop magically with you!! If she has emotional problems, you need to stop making excuses for her and give her the time she needs to come to grips with her own life.
Before anyone can be in a serious relationship, they must be alright with themselves and she doesn't sound like she has her life in order. If you love her, give her time to work out her own issues. Don't ever jump into marriage if you aren't sure. This is your LIFE we're talking about and you don't want to jump into anything.

Answer 2

OK so your relationship started out with her cheating with you, and then a month ago she cheats on you. You say "but he was in Iraq" like it's an excuse or a justification. He was protecting us. And you move in on his girl. You say "but didn't sleep with the guy" so does that make it ok since she didnt bring home an STD? These things are red flags that the relationship could possibly be unhealthy. Someone who is on meds for depression, but gets off them, likes and needs the attention. More red flags. If she does not take them then she does not want to get better. Someone with a mental disease is hard to be with you. You have to be prepared for a lot of ups and downs. It will only get worse. She needs some serious counseling for a long time. You're both young and need more time. A few months is not enough time. You need to take a step back and really look at whats going on. Love is not all it takes. You seem like one of those people that need to save the puppy. You can't save her.

Answer 3

It depends what you mean by relationship. Unlike some of the cynical ppl who have answered I believe that it is possible to go beyond the superfical and for those ppl who think that ppl are different online than they are in REAL life I would say this. They may present differently (i.e. be bolder, more outgoing, online) but inside ppl are who they are. i.e. once you cut through the bull crap, what you see is what you get, and that applies to invented persona's too. Invented personas have no substance and there either is no person underneath (at least not one the actual person is prepared to reveal) or the person reveals their true self. In my own experience I have met ppl online who I consider to be friends. They have been 'there' for me when I've been going through bad patches in real life when my real life friends haven't. I've had deep philosophical conversations online with ppl. I know as much about them as I do my 'real' friends, sometimes more, and I can give support to them too when they need it. In other words they behave like friends, therefore that's what they are. However, I would say it is impossible to have a deep meaningful romantic relationship with someone online, because by definition, at some point a romantic relationship HAS to get physical. BTW - superficial banter is encountered in real life too, and relationships that start out with superficial banter never move onto deep and meaningful if the banter doesn't stop after about the first 2 or 3 meetings, and progress onto the next stage. Some real life ppl are incapable of moving onto that next stage (or haven't learn't the skills to do so) so go from one superficial relationship to another their whole lives.

Answer 4

It sounds like you really love this girl, I think that if thats the case you should first help her to get some proffessional help and help to get her healing from depression, then after she becomes more balanced u should ask her to marry u, marrying takes just a second but its a life long commitment make sure u do it with someone who will not cheat on u in the future and say she did it b/c she was depressed or whatever...

Answer 5

You're very enamored of her. It appears that she doesn't know what she wants and has a pattern of instability to boot. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Soooooo, if you can handle the ups and downs, going off meds (with the concomitant mis-behavior) and back on again and not knowing what she wants, proceed.
All those things, which may be part of the attraction, will never seem as attractive or "handleable" as they are now and they will get less so with the passage of time.

Answer 6

If she did not "sleep" with this guy then how can you say she cheated? How do you know she did not sleep with him? Wake up babe. Do you want to grow old with someone who is as you say "clinically depressed"? I think you should finish your schooling and see how much more "clinical depression" she has in between here and there. I would not jump into marriage with her right now.

Answer 7

No, don't ask her to marry you, not now or even a year from now. Obviously things are not right with her or you.
With her? Self-esteem problems...obviously. Yes, she's only human but this is what is going on with her. She thinks a baby will cure everything or that marriage will cure it all...it won't.

You? You have a "hero" complex by thinking marriage will save her and you, it won't. When you guys are "together" protect yourself and I MEAN it! Be there but be careful!

Answer 8

I would say just step back and let things evolve as they will. She is lucky to have you. If you are going to spend forever together, why rush it?

In the meantime, gently tell her that you would like to ask her, but you want her to really think about what she wants.
If you tell her in the right way, and don't come off as defensive, then I think she will be able to really think hard about what's right for her.

Answer 9

wait till she works out at least a few of her major issues. Dude she maybe using u as a leaning post. It aint a good thing. help her get the help she needs so that when the time comes she'll be able to answer you confidently and honestly. good luck to the both of you.

Answer 10

Are you a rescuer?Are you into playing games and meeting dependency needs?This is not a healthy relationship.Maybe talk to a Therapist,you sound like a really nice guy-you are heading for trouble.