2006-08-23 10:13:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
What's the difference between a painting and Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
Jesus walks into a hotel, puts 3 nails on the counter and asks, "Can you put me up for the night?"
Why did the ladies love Jesus?
Because he was hung like this [hold arms splayed like on a cross].
2006-08-23 10:16:51 · answer #1 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE!
"I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves"
2006-08-23 17:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Guided 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see, joke about Christ Jesus, the only person who died so that everyone I know (and don't know) can have a chance at life eternal . . .
Sorry, just can't do it.
2006-08-23 17:17:55 · answer #3 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cardinal to the Pope: I have good news and bad news.
Pope: What's the good news?
Cardinal: Jesus has returned!
Pope: Wunderbar! What's the bad news?
Cardinal: He's phoning from Salt Lake City.
2006-08-23 17:18:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Joke now, cry later, Gremlin-repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!
1 Corinthians 1:18
For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.
Jesus WILL have the LAST laugh!:
Psalm 2:4
He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision.
2006-08-23 17:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by Randolph 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why joke about the Savior of the world?
Peace
2006-08-23 17:16:34 · answer #6 · answered by trace 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No but I no many people will tell you not to joke about Jesus or to go to the joke section. Too many people take religious too serious.
And yes I said this before I read the answer before me.
2006-08-23 17:15:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
No! Jesus Christ is no joke. I wouldn't want to defile His precious name.
Jesus Christ Is the Only Way To Heaven!
In The Holy Bible, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” John 14:6. He meant “I am the only way to God the Father and to heaven”, “I am the only truth that you need to know.” and “I am the only spiritual life available to mankind.” In other words, “I am the only true and living God.”
All other so-called gods are false gods. They are not real. They do not exist. No other so-called god has the power to forgive, cleanse and remove all your sins from you to get you to heaven. They don't even claim to.
I pray you will believe this and accept the fact that you are a sinner needing to be saved from your sins (“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” Romans 3:23, The Holy Bible.) and accept the fact that the blood Jesus Christ shed for you at Calvary is the only way you can have your sins forgiven, cleansed and removed and is the only way you can get to heaven. I pray you will acknowledge that you are a sinner and ask Jesus Christ to forgive, cleanse and remove all you sins and accept Him into your heart/life to live for Him the rest of your life. (“But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name:” John 1:12, in the Holy Bible.) That is what it means to be born again. (“Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” John 3:3 in The Holy Bible.) Salvation is a free gift. You cannot work for it. You cannot be good enough to earn it. You must, by faith, receive it as a free gift. (“8For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9Not of works, lest any man should boast.”) Ephesians 2:8-9.
God loves you and it is not His will that you perish in hell.
(“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” II Peter 3:9 in The Holy bible.)
This is my prayer for you
2006-08-23 17:24:25 · answer #8 · answered by LARRY S 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
King James made the joke!
Jesus is ACTUALLY APOLLO!
Aphrodite!
2006-08-23 17:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by Aphrodite! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
jim caviezel who played jesus in 'the passion' has the initials j.c. HAHAHAHA. i dont have any good jokes, lol.
to whoever posted just before me, your jokes not funny, its sick.
2006-08-23 17:17:10 · answer #10 · answered by Demetria S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋