Boyfreind thinks about F*cking other girls when with me, walking around Walmart!?

Question

Come on girls!! Why do men get all the sympathy when it comes to this!! I DON'T CARE if it is in their genes and they can't help it. IT IS STILL WRONG!! I find myself not able to get over that guys do this, I really can't. I find myself upset all the time. I dont' know what to do. I need help. I am confident in my body. I think I'm attractive. That's not what it is. I honstly, just want to be the only one my boyfreind thinks of sexually, he is the only one I think of sexually. I don't care if he thinks their attractive, I just don't want him having graphic fantasies about them. And I know I can't change him. I love him so much, and am not going to break up with him over it, also because I know every other man would just do the same thing...I just need help...What should I do? And don't write get over it. I need real help. Serious answers only, and please write your age.

Answer 1

Wow, I thought I was the only one who thought this way. I feel exactly the same way as you. I love my bf with all my heart and soul and he is now my fiance, but he is always thinking about sleeping with other girls and how fun it would be. I know he wouldn't do that because he is with me, but it really makes me feel very low about myself. My fiance is a good looking guy (Well almost every girl I've ever met thinks so), but when I initially met him I didn't really find him attractive until I got to know him.

Anyways, I'll be truthful I really don't know what to do about this either. I get jealous really easily and feel horrible when he talks about other girls sexually. I've asked my fiance about this several times why I can only think of him sexually and he can think of all these other women sexually and not just me. The answer he gave me was that it is programmed in our society to react that way. In other societies (ex: Muslim, Hindu) that is not the case. A lot of them are given a man or woman that they will marry when they are old enough to. Men here in America are taught that it is manly to talk about women as a piece of meat. That is how they socially get along with each other.

I know I haven't really given you any advice, but I am not sure exactly what to tell you. I think the best thing to do is understand that men are all that way. Maybe you can sit down and talk to your bf about how it makes you feel uncomfortable when he mentions other women sexually. He might realize that it is making you feel uncomfortable so he might not talk about it anymore and spend more of his time concentrating on you. I really doubt he will change because that's not in a mans nature, but it might help if you talk truthfully to him. My fiance no longer talks about having sex with women anymore because it lowers my self esteem and really bothers me. Hope that helps:)

I'm 19 and going to be married soon and a mommy :)

Answer 2

Actually, not all men do this.

I used to think so because my high school boyfriend was the same way. It really tore into my self esteem.

Then I met my (now) husband. He respects women. I am not saying he doesn't find other girls attractive. Of course he does. But he looks at them and then goes back to whatever he was doing. He doesn't have graphic fantasies about having sex with them.

You don't have to break up with him. This just may be a sign of immaturity or insecurity that he will eventually outgrow. Or you will outgrow him. In the meantime, just know that even if you are the most beautiful woman in the world it doesn't mean other girls aren't also beautiful.

At least he's being honest with you. Let him know for absolute sure that if he ever acts on his fantasy and cheats on you that it will be over forever with no excuses.

Kori 33 Salt Lake City Flight Attendant

Answer 3

Not every man is like that. Men can think another woman is attractive but most don't have explicit fantasies about them. And if they do, they don't tell their GF's. Men don't think of sex as an act of love, they think of it (for the most part) as fulfilling a need. Women can be that way also. If you don't like this trait in him but don't want to break up with him then you need to try to go to counseling to get over it.

25/f

Answer 4

I'm 41, if that matters and unless you decide to get counseling then about all you CAN do is "get over it". No, not ALL guys fantasize about other women when they are in a relationship but a fair number do...conversely, a fair number of women fantasize about other men (or women) when they are in a relationship...it's human nature...we weren't really designed to be monogamous, we forced that upon ourselves and although we (as a species) can deal with it, the curiosity and fantasizing about others is a way of expressing a desire to sample other wares without doing it BECAUSE we care about the person we are with and don't want to lose them over an orgasm with someone else.

I'm not expressing sympathy for guys, just tellin' ya like it is. You cannot forbid him to think about others...the fact that he's honest with you that he has thought about others at least says he cares enough about you not to hide it.

People have all kinds of fantasies...fantasies about rape, fantasies about group sex, fantasies about bdsm, etc...just because someone fantasizes about something, doesn't mean they'd really want it to occur in real life...our fantasies are where we are safe...no harm, no foul...

I really think you are making too much of this and letting it get too you too much...

Answer 5

You seriously need to get over it - because you will NEVER find a guy who's thoughts you can control the way you obviously want to. You are the one with the problem, you clearly suffer from a lack of faith and confidence in yourself and that isn't his problem. My ex g/f thought about other guys not just me (she had a thing for Brendan Fraiser) and guess what, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I was the guy she was with at the time and that was good enough for me. If you don't learn how to get over it, you will be miserable no matter what relationship you are in, period.

24

Answer 6

I am 22 and let me tell you not all men do that and then some hide it well if he tells you about them then that is wrong! my man talks about other women only when we are in the middle of having sex its alright to have a fantasies about someone but it is not OK to act on them so as long as he is faithful don't let a little dream get you down have a talk with him tell him it bothers you and you would like it if he kept it to himself or talk about it in the bedroom cause it is a turn on even when it is about someone else he loves you just have faith and it will work out

Answer 7

You're essentially asking how can you make a man not be a man. I'm sorry but you're not going to be able to do that. Your only realistic course of action is to get over it.
Even if you dump this guy the next guy is going to be exactly the same way. He might be better at hiding it but its still going to be there.
I'm 43.

Answer 8

I would agree, but keep in mind that he can THINK about aything he wants just as long as he doesn't ACT on it.

I can think about what it might be like to have this fantasy fulfilled, but it should not intrude upon the reality.

My wife thinks about having sex with A or B or C, but who is she with at the end of the day?

I am 50

Answer 9

i totally feel you on this. have you tried the following: when you're with him, look at some guy and *pretend* you think he's hot and say graphically what you'd like to do with him? if it bothers him, simply say that he does the same thing, so what difference does it make. this might help him along the changing path or at least better at hiding it so it doesn't hurt/insult/bother you. if he's okay with you doing that, then i don't know have any other advice for you. good luck. early thirties.

Answer 10

Here's what you should do seriously....go live on planet X because you are NEVER going to find a man that thinks about only you sexually....if he says he does he is a big fat liar.....so which is worse an honest guy who expresses himself and desires to you or a big fat liar....your choice.
PS: Don't get so hung up on yourself....plleeeaasseee you shop at Walmart for goodness sakes...you aint all that.