How do I help my ten year old who is lying and working her way down the wrong path?

Answer 1

What is she lying about? Generally children lie to avoid blame or punishment or to make themselves feel better, often because they have a poor self image or poor self esteem. Telling an occasional lie and being a liar are two different things. All children lie at one time or another. However, very few children actually become liars. In fact, probably all of us, lie sometimes. In order to help your daughter you need to understand why she lies.

What can you do?

Don't give your daughter a chance to lie when you are reasonably sure of the facts. By asking a child a question to which you know the answer, you are actually setting the stage for a lie. (Of course, when you're truly uncertain about the facts, you have no choice but to question her and then decide whether she is indeed telling the truth.)

The more children are punished for lying -- especially if the punishments involve physical pain -- the more they will lie to try to avoid being punished. It makes sense that a frightened child is more likely to lie. When punishment is necessary, take away privileges within reason.

Don't promise her that things will be easier if she tells the truth, or that the punishment will increase for a lie. This sort of "plea-bargaining" is extremely confusing. It introduces the idea that the she may lie or implies that you expect her to lie. Remember, don't let a lie distract you from whatever it is that she did wrong.

Don't get bent out of shape when a young child tells an obviously fantastic story. The great storyteller Samuel Clemens, a.k.a. Mark Twain, once said, "When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not."

Here are some very good links that may help you understand the issue better, and so be better able to help your daughter. I hope this helps. Best of luck to both of you.

Answer 2

Hi, I am the mother of a ten-year old who went through all the lying stuff last year. That is a tough nut to crack, I'll tell you that much. If you catch her lying....stop it right there, and come down much harder for it. Show her a real consequence, not just grounding or whipping. Let her believe that you have no trust in whatever she says. Let her know that you mean business. Let her see how the world treats a liar. You have to be consistent in this, and never let her get away with a single lie. Let her know that lying leads to cheating and stealing, and that lying, cheating, and stealing lead to jail. Ask her if that is what she wants for herself. Keep this up for as long as it takes!! It worked for my child, who was really starting to show a sneaky, snarky side. I think it is in us all, and how we learn from it and deal with it, is only as good as our parents and what they teach us.....good luck.

Answer 3

God is the creator of human; so, He knows more about humanity than anyone of us. OK, now, here is what he say about your problem. And of course, according to the Bible:

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Proverbs 22:6 says...
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
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That's a commandment that every parent wants to do with their children. But how?

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Here's what the Bible says in Proverbs 23:13-14...
Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.
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Punishment, but not torture, will be your instrument to correct your child's mistake while he is young. I repeat, while he is young.

But before you punish him, be sure that your child knows, or you have him known, his mistakes. Because what's the sense of punishing him if he don't know the reason why he is being punished.

Show your child you are his parent, a mature parent. Show him that you know more in this life than he do and again, show him that you're mature enough than he is. Don't fight him like you're another child--show him that you're mature enough. Don't always talk to him yelling--reserve your mouth energy for something parent-child conversation and again, show him that you're mature enough. And of course, implant to his mind that you are his parent... parent in the real sense of the word. Having him realize your authority over him, he will accept when you punish him and don't fight you back.

But I think, it's not legal in the US to beat your child physically, so that's your new problem.

Answer 4

Become more involved with what your child is doing, for example, asking a lot of questions is a very good thing. It gets them talking and also let your child know that they can always come to you with problems. Talk to him/her about lying and explain why it is a bad thing. Maybe tell him/her about the story of the Boy who called Wolf. Ask many questions of interest, like how was their day, what did they do, how did they feel when they did their school project, ask how their friends are doing, stuff like that to get involved. It is a great communication opener.

Answer 5

talk to her more. Let her know that you are there for her. The only reason why she would be lying to you is if you made her feel like she couldn't come to you. I have a 10year old daughter and an eight year old daughter along with a 6month old daughter. I make sure that I listen to everything they say and do. I make sure that they know that I am there for them and that I will not jump to conclusions on any subject no matter what. They come to me and tell me everything. There are times I catch them lying. But I don't get mad or upset with them, I just question them about it...Like, "Why are you lying to me? When you know that mom don't like liars. I won't listen to you if you can't be honest with me!" It works at times. Sometimes if you let them be independent and soon at times they will come to you. But don't ever get mad at their choices or decisions, it is only a way that we all learn from our mistakes, but you can guide them into certain things, give suggestions. She'll listen more and respect you as much as you respect her.

Answer 6

my honest opinion it depends how there raised it was wierd i did do bad things when i was a kid but i never got grounded or anything like that
shur when i was a kid or winny my parents would just talk to me
its almost as if i was so closed to them id stay out of trouble
on the other hand buy cuzin would be young and just laugh and be like yah ill just be grounded for 3 days and get into more bullshit
yeah and may i suggest a new area to live in the area makes all the difference and maybe put him or her into dancing or self defence hockey something that will lead her to better friends
i wish my parents did that for me if they did i would have finished school because u meet people who want to do somethings with there lifes and it really rubs off might take to it mind *** well try

Answer 7

Maybe something is going on in her life that you don't know about.Maybe she needs more attention,talk to her,let her know you are there for her.Also Discipline her let her know what she did wrong and why it was wrong.Let her know when u r proud of her.If it continues take her to juvy,jail,group home show her where she could end up.Try taking her to a counselor maybe she will talk to someone if she won't talk to you.The most important thing never give up on her no matter what she does always be there 4 her.

Answer 8

i don't have kids, but i've been learning a lot about relationships and this is what i've come up w/ so far... and also from my relationship w/ my mother.

u can Not force someone to act the way u want them to...even if u KNOW ur way is right =T. sad to say, but it's true. and u love 'em to BITS and want the BEST for them..but sometimes, the best is to let them make mistakes, and learn from them. let her know that if she continues to lie, u cannot trust her. it's not that u want to be an overbearing, overprotective mother, but the more she keeps lying and cheating, the less u can really trust she will make a good decision for herself.

communication is KEY..esp when the kids are older and *think* they know everything. do not keep too tight a grip, but let them know that u care enough to want the best for them. encourage behavior that is Positive, Healthy and Happy... one day i think they will thank u for teaching them there are always ways to change a situation into a Positive one instead of Negative. as for now, try ur hardest not to "tell" them what to do, or what not to do, but just that u WANT to be able to trust her. u WANT her to be able to go out w/ friends and u don't have to worry. but because of her actions, u can't think any other way. so its a responsiblity factor for Herself; and the more she proves her responsiblity, the less u will be so overprotective and overbearing. good luck, i won't know until i have a kid! but i really want to try to be understanding. and that doesn't mean be their "friend".. u have to set boundaries, what u expect from urself as a mother, and what u expect from them as a child. but u also have to make sure they truly understand that u want the best for them, that u want them to have a wonderful future... and hopefully they will learn to appreciate that and use that to form their opinions and actions in the future.... :)

Answer 9

Try spending a lot of time with her, giving her attention and love. You're her mother(?) after all, she'll start asking you how to solve her problems soon. You have to be ultra wise for it though.
Also, there are these junior youth classes. They're inspired by the Baha'i Faith, and deal with issues like peer pressure, right and wrong, and so on(more to do with morality than prayer or religion). You should be able to find a local Baha'i community through www.bahai.com or www.bahai.org, and ask them if they have a class going on.
Wish you luck!

Answer 10

I would try to find out what problems exist. Maybe your ten year old needs some additional parenting. Needs some attention that you have failed to give him or her.

Always start dealing with a problem by finding out as much information that you can by speaking with friends, family, teachers, etc to see if their is something they have not told you. Then confront the child and see if he or she is willing to want to help solve their problem. Maybe also may need some professional help.