Has anyone growen up without their grandparents around because the parents didn't get along with them?

Question

Here are some of the details. My family doesnt like my husband but I hope they will learn to tolerate him when we have kids. He has had a major falling out with his mother recently and pretty much told her he never wanted to deal with her anymore. This is coming from decisions they have both made in the last couple years that neither of them agree with. So my husband travels for work but we are trying to have a baby. This is something we have both wanted for years. When he is in town we are trying. So when we do get pregnant we will be very excited but will probably wait more towards the end of the pregnancy to tell my parents and won't even tell his. (he has never gotten along with his dad) He says they don't deserve to be told by him, even though I know they will know because, they know my yahoo answers and will read it and find out. So I want to know what it was like for anyone growing up without grandparents. I did but that was because we were 3000 miles away and we still talked

i think that is enough details vbut if you need more just ask and i will post them. thanx

NO I dont get along with his family anymore. I used to but the first chance they got they turned there back no me, then him. He was never physically abused by his mother or father but his father was never around and his mother is very two faced. She pretends to be your best friend then talks about you the second you leave. she does with with any female in her sons lives and with her sons both. She has lied to a lot of people about a lot of things and still denys them when the truth is in front of her. She also didn't raise her kids with a lot of values of right and wrong. It has taken a lot for me to show my husband what is right and wrong with his actions and am just now starting to get him to see the light. She never taught her boys the vaule of being faithful in a relationship and the value of working. She didnt even make the two of them finish school. There are alot more things behind this. this is just the begging and i agree with my husband about not wanting someone undoing what

we teach our children. we have many many different morals and values then his family. and i fear they will tell my kids things that they dont have to right to tell them and i dont want them to see the bad and mistakes from the past.

Answer 1

Well, there are a few more details I'd like to hear before I share my advice. Why does your husband have issues with his parents? Exactly, I mean. Are they major or minor? Why doesn't your family like your husband? Do you like your in-laws?

Cutting off family is a serious decision. It should not be taken lightly. It is hurtful, more hurtful that you know.

Can a child grow up without grandparents in his life? Yes, it happens all the time. But most children wish for loving grandparents. A child can be considered very blessed and fortunate to have more people in his life who love him. It is a harsh world out there. The more loving, protective people in his "tribe" the better.

Your husband should be careful about how he treats his parents. His own child will learn by watching him. Is this the type of relationship he wants with his own son? If your husband treats his parents as though they are not important, when his own son grows up and has his own family, will he think of you and your husband in the same way? As throw-aways?

Your husband might think, "Well, that's different because my parents were awful, etc." But it's funny what happens in life and how we all see things differently. His own son might find some reason to get angry with your husband and say the same thing.

Family life is a cycle. We reap what we sow.

Your husband can grow and become a better person if he can learn to forgive, tolerate, and improve. He will be a better example and a better father. Does he want to show his own child that to deal with difficult relationships, you just chuck them?

Loving family ties can be difficult, but they are oh, so worth the effort.

I don't know the details, but I can bet that your husband's parents--as imperfect as they may be--probably love your husband very much still. I say this without knowing how bad his relationship is. Was he abused?

Anyway, you have the right idea with trying to keep grandparents in your child's life. There is nothing like a grandpa or grandma.

The love is so special...
***************
Update: Well, not all grandparents are GOOD grandparents. Some do not deserve to be grandparents. If they won't appreciate your children, value them, love them, and be a good example to them, maybe your children will be better off without them in their lives. Some can be emotionally unhealthy and even physically dangerous.

You are your child's parent and you're the one to make that call. Just be sure to make it honestly so that you're not using the child as a weapon against the grandparents (to hurt them by keeping them apart) for your own agenda.

If the relationship with grandparents can be a good one and the child can benefit, set aside your own personal feelings and foster a good relationship for your child's sake.

Put your child's welfare above all else. That is what a good parent does.

Best of love and luck to you and your family. :)

Answer 2

I had no grandparents when I grew up. My father's parents died before I was born, and my mother's father died when I was five. About a year later, my father had a disagreement over my grandfather's will. We moved away and lost contact with my grandmother and no one in my family spoke to her again. The next time anyone from my mother's family contacted us, it was years later and my grandmother had died.

I grew up very poor, but that had nothing to do with my grandparents. Other than poverty, I had a normal life and do not miss something that I never had.

Sadly, both my parents died before having the chance to see their grandchildren grow. (My mother died when her only grandchild at that point was just two years old.) Again, this generation seems to be doing fine, although they all have grandparents from the other side of their families.

Answer 3

My children grew up without grandparents, but for a different reason. They all died when my kids were very young. I keep hearing about the benefits of having grandparents when you grow up, but I never see anything about if you don't. To further complicate matters, we moved around a lot from one military base to another, where there were no elderly neighbors. So now we're finally settled into a neighborhood, but my kids can't seem to relate to anybody old. My kids think I'm old, actually. I asked my son about how it's affected him, and he said there's a kind of emptiness, but he can't describe it any better.

Please don't keep your children cut off from extended family. I think kids with grandparents are lucky to have them.

Answer 4

That makes me sad to hear this. But if your baby never knew them, It shouldn't hurt them so much. When they are older and can understand what's going on, then let your baby know and let them make the decision to go and see them. Right now I am going through a similar situation and I wish my children didn't know there father's people ( I wish they didn't know their father) Because it hurts my babies to see how she talks bad about me and I tell my babies I love everyone. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I hardly ever saw my Grandparents because they disliked and did not get on with my parents. They weren't particularly nice people any way and I didn't miss anything. Families are strange arrangements - you can pick your friends but you can't pick your relatives. To me friends are more important.

Answer 6

Yes, I was estranged from my grandparents and extended family on both sides because no one could get along.

I'm trying very hard not to let that happen to my children.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Answer 7

I met one grandmother once when I was about 2. She lived in Germany and the others were dead. So nope, never really knew them.

What was it like? Normal to me.

Answer 8

why punish your children and not let them see their grandparents when it is your husband who does not get along with them .. i think the grandparents should know they have grandchildren and the children should know the grandparents .. it wasn't their fault that their dad doesn't get along with his parents .. wouldn't be fair to either the grandparents or children if and when they come along

Answer 9

Im not but it seems pretty sad for it to be like that for you...sorry about that.