was i wrong?

Question

the other day i found out my father bad been cheating on my mother for the last 2 years, with a friend of the family , my younger sister is the one that found out,she wanted to tell my mom because the women was planning on staying with my parents for a few weeks, but she didnt have the heart to tell her, when i was told i felt i had to tell my mother , he has been treating her different for the last 2 years and she couldnt figure out why and has been really hurt in his lack of interest in her, anyway i told her about it and now he hates me and will no longer speak to me, i'm very hurt i love my dad and if it was my mom doing it to my dad i would tell him... i've asked him before if he was cheating on her and he denied it, but my sister caught them and i told my mother... was i wrong in doing this, i dont want my father to hate me ... but thats my mother and i couldnt stand for her being hurt anymore

Answer 1

your dad needs to realize what HE did was wrong, not you. It's going to be between your parents now... but talk to your dad, tell him you love him and explain that if the situation was reversed you would've done the same thing. I'm not sure if going directly to your mom was the best, I would've given my dad an opportunity to come clean.. BUT it's done now... I'm sure your dad will be upset with you for a while but once the storm blows over, you and him will be able to have the same loving relationship.

Answer 2

Your mother has probably had her suspicions for a while and you telling her means she now has to deal with the situation and not hope it will go away and things be normal again. She is hurting badly and lashing out and you happen to be the focus but that will pass.....of course she still loves you. If you and your sister had the knowledge you owed it to your mother to tell her. As for your father he has no cause to hate you......it is he who has been doing wrong.
My heart feels for you this is a horrible situation and a bad time for all of you. You have acted responsibly and try to understand how much your mum is hurting right now just be there for her.

Answer 3

No you were not wrong, do not feel guilty. your father is the one that is guilty of not just hurting your mom but hurting you and your sister also. He isn't talking to you because he knows that he has done wrong and the fact that you know about it is really causing him to feel ashamed of himself and if he is any dad at all then he will come around, and if he isn't too late then you will still be there to love him also. stand by your Mom you did the right thing.

Answer 4

Jayme, you have the moral high ground here. It was better to tell you mom than to stay silent. Another way to handle it would have been to talk first with your dad to say, "If you do not tell mom what is going on, I will." It may not have helped your relations with your father but such a position gives him a choice and also makes him face your mom and take accountability for his own actions.

Answer 5

Yes and no. your mother is a grown woman; she knew what he was doing, and chose to ignore it. That may not make sense, but to some women in a realtionship it does. Your confronting her forced her to face what she has chosen to ignore for years. I know you love her and hate to see her treated like crap by your Dad, but she made a choice. Just as you are an adult and responsible for your own life and decisions now, so is she. Both of them are screwed up on this one. I know it hurts to hear that about ur folks, but this is their mess and they are the ones to deal with it. You should tell your father to his face how you feel about it. Why should HE be mad at YOU for HIS infidelity?

Answer 6

Jayme,
I think you were right thats your mother who feelings got hurt one way or the other she was going to find out no offense but i think your father is a *** cause he is not talking to you cause you did what was right you trusted your heart and if your father wasn't pleased with your mother he should've gotten some time off then cheating but its ok everyone got to feel the good and bad but dont forget comes around goes around he is going to get cheated on then is going to feel it.......

Answer 7

i think you did the right thing. you ended the pain that your father was putting on to everyone. he maybe upset now but with time it will go away. he probably didn't want it to get out because he didn't know what he wanted. now that the truth has come out though maybe your family can work through it. there is a chance that your parents will work it out, but most likely it will be only temporary. i'd strongly suggest bracing for one hell of a divorce. it's possible to be a smooth divorce but then again hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. so it might be rough waters for awhile. sorry to hear about your family's struggle, i'll pray that it resolves quickly for you.

Answer 8

Absolutely not! You did the right thing! You're dad is the one who is wrong. Same thing happened to me except I was the one who saw my dad. I told my mom but dad didn't stop talking to me he owned up to what he did and worked things out. Give your dad some time he should come around,he's probably just VERY ashamed. God bless, sweetie!

Answer 9

I know it would have kept your hurt going longer, but you should have left your mum find out for herself. It is bad enough when you feel you are the last to know if your partner is cheating, let alone your own kids being privy to this information before you.

At least the truth is out in the open now, and you can get on with your lives. :)

Answer 10

No. Your dad even knows that you had every right to tell her. He might feel ashamed and want you to feel like you did something wrong to cover up his shame. You did the right thing. Your mother needs someone on her side right now more than he does.