this is for single mothers!!!! when you got pregnant, did the father tell you he did not want the baby?

Question

did his feelings change later in time?or did they stay the same?? what has gotten better in your situation or what has gotten worse???

im only asking cuz i just found out that i am pregnant & the father has told me that he wants nothing to with this situation... thoughs and personal experiance stories is what i need to hear!!!!

Answer 1

I got pregnant when I was 17 and he told to "get rid of it" pointing to my stomach and telling me it was just as easy for me to walk away from "it" as it was for him. Well I didn't walk away I kept HER, I lived in my car, motels, low-income housing, worked 7 days a week double shifts sometimes, I had no car so I took her in the stoller to the store and to doctor appts.I called him during the pregnancy and begged him to come to the hospital when she was born just in case he wanted to be there or actually beleived that she was his and he said he would but called me back a month later and said his step-mom told him not to get caught up in it. So I said fine and gave up on that, when I had her I called him and he yelled at me but I told him she was born with black curly hair and blue eyes (he has both I have neither) and how much she weighed and her name and such and he apologized for yelling at me. When she was about 2 months old I called him to ask him to see her and he secretly called his step-mom on the 3-way calling and she told me that if he was too young to understand, he was 22 when she was born, and if I tried to make him be a father he would have rights and if i screwed up he could take her away, i literally growled at the woman, i'll never forget it. So instead of calling I would send cards and pictures to be a ***** i sent him a father's day card and a birthday card and said he was the best daddy... Well after a year, actually he got his paternity test back on xmas..haha...he found out that she was in fact his child...which I knew but he's an idiot. So I gave him some time to let it sink in, I got the results back sooner than him. I called him on New Year's Eve and asked if he'd like to see her, he was so nice to me and said yes he would like to see her, i burst into tears and was so nervous i had hives when i got off the phone. Katie was scared of men in general but her Dad called me an hour later and said he was coming the next day and when he got there she sat down next to him and stared at him for a while. I moved to be closer to him because i was an idiot and thought we could have a little happy family now, well he started paying his c/s and seeing her when he was supposed and she got closer and closer to him. When she was 2 I met the man who is now my husband and she fell head over heels for him. Her dad is around, he sees her when she's supposed and she loves him and his family but it's still not perfect, we live a state away and he doesn't call or write. only when he's supposed by the papers does he call. The thing that i've found is that Katie is his little trophy his toy that when he's bored he wants to play with. My husband is her dad, she calls him dad because she wants to, he is there for the sick days, the dentis appts, the soccer games, the nightmares...a daddy isn't someone who made the baby everytime. your child's father may have a change of heart after he sees his child but you can do it alone and you'll find someone who will love you both endlessy and be a real father to your child. The BEST thing that you can do is NEVER say anything bad about the baby's father in front of him/her and let things happen how they are going to happen, i know my daughter's dad breaks her heart by not calling and he will always be a dissapointing father for her, but I can't change that and if i do try to say she can't see him she'll resent me instead of seeing him for what his. The best you can do is be there to pick up the pieces when it happens. You are stong enough to do this yourself and your child will grow up knowing that you made the right choices and respecting you for never saying her dad is an *** to her. You have to take the high road here and be the best mother you can be and remember there are people like my husband who want to be a father and who will love your child like his own and if you have more children with him he will love them the same...just like my husband does. Think about all sides of this problem and realize that you CAN do it. Don't write her dad off, make an effort but remember you can't force it but you want to be able to tell your child that you tried. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

He might just be scared right now. He might come around before the baby is born. If not you aren't going to change his mind. Men are very stubborn and the harder you push to change his mind the further way he is going to run. You can try to go after him for child support which if hes not wanting to deal with it probably won't pay anyway, or you could just walk away. Have your baby don't put him on the birth certificate ( that will give him rights to fight you for the baby later in life) and just take care of your baby, let your family help and forget about him. You don;t need him to take care of the baby. When they baby grows up just tell it that it has all the love it needs from you and your family and that the dad wasn't ready to be a father. Don't bad mouth him but don't idealize him to the baby either. Many Many woman raise kids without the dad and thats ok. You don't need him or his money!

Answer 3

Happened to my daughter. The dad said it was her problem. So the birth certificate had no fathers name. We had nothing to do with the boy and supported her and the baby. She tried to send the grandmother a picture of the baby and the grandmother called and said that he said the baby was not his. Three years later we ran into him at the store and he turned beet red. Then we get a call from the grandmother. He had gone home and confessed. My daughter told her. "when I needed you, you did not want me. I do not need you now and yes I have a daughter." We changed or phone number to unlisted after that. She married a nice fellow and he adopted the baby and they had 2 more children. He is the only father the child has ever known. She knows she has a bio father calls him the sperm donor. She had a photo of him for a while then she gave it to her mother and said "my father lives with us and takes care of us. I do not need this any more." The bio father will not bother us as my son who is over 200 pounds and over 6 feet had gone to get some groceries and there the guy was packing groceries. My son lunged to get a hold of him to beat him up and the boy took off like scared rabbit. My son makes a very fierce Scottish fighter.

Answer 4

I'm not a single mum, but please read anyway!
I was with my b'friend for 15 months (living together for 12months) when I suspected I was pregnant. I never saw children on the agenda - he did at some point. On confirmation of the pregnancy I was totally excepting of it, however my b'friend wasn't! We went through a very rough time and he told me to choose - either him or the baby! When we went to my doctors appt he told the doctor 'we' wanted an abortion - 'we' didn't. I told him that if I really had to make a choice then it was easy - my/our baby! I moved back in with my family and hoped he might change his mind. After a couple of weeks he rang - the night before my doctor had booked me in for an abortion (which I never wanted and had therefore cancelled). He apologised over and over - he was in shock, was scared of being a father, he was only yound, etc. We spoke for most of the night and agreed to meet. We got back together eventually and had a beautiful daughter who will be 4 in October. We have since had another daughter who just turned 2, one m/carriage and are currently 16 wks along with our 4th preg/3rd child.
I guess what I am trying to say, longwindedly, is give him a break and a chance to think and maybe, hopefully, your story will follow mine. I know it might not happen, but I really hope that given space he too might come round and become a father for your child. xx Good luck

Answer 5

I have a feeling my story is not going to be uplifting to you (although the ending is good!) With my first pregnancy, my ex-husband and I wanted the baby, but miscarried. Four months later, I got pregnant again, and I thought both of us still wanted to be a family. As I progressed in my pregnancy, he became more and more distant, drinking to excess, getting DUI's, becoming a jerk in other words. He started drinking so much that he was missing ob appointments, not coming home at night, and eventually, almost missd the birth of his own daughter. When she was born, he was drinking so much that he couldn't be left alone with the baby, and I was afraid for both of us. I left him when she was 3 months old. Now, 7 years later, I am remarried to a wonderful man, and have another daughter who is two. Some men are just not cut out to be a father at that time in their life... some are never ready for it. My oldest daughter calls her stepdad, Daddy, and has for over 4 years now. She hardly remembers her biological dad... she hasn't seen him in almost 5 years. You will always be attached to the child's father through your child, but staying with that person may not always be the best idea. Luckily, my daughter and I found someone who was willing to take both of us and love us as we deserved.

Answer 6

For all of those who want to rag on single mothers for being irresponsible, I was married before I got pregnant. My husband became abusive and I divorced before the birth of our daughter. He didn't want to have anything to do with her. Seven years later I have a happy healthy little girl with no dad. If your baby's father chooses to miss out on the joy of being a parent. oh well, his loss. Your child is better off having one parent who loves it than having someone around who is indifferent or abusive. It is hard, frustrating and emotionally draining but worth every minute.

I just found out I am pregnant again. Apparently I fell into that .02% of women for whom birth control doesn't work. I am not looking to get married or live with my boyfriend. I am fully prepared and able to take care of this baby by myself. Single women who become pregnant are not always looking to trap someone into a relationship. Unfortunately guys don't see it that way. Face the facts. If you are going to have sex you have to love with the consequences and be prepared to deal with them all on your lonesome.

All I really have to say is good luck. It is hard but you can do it. And you can do it on your own. Keep your family and friends close. Their emotional support will be indispensable to you and your baby.

Answer 7

I had the exact same thing happen to me, the father actually took me to the abortion clinic and told me to get rid of it. Thank heavens I didnt go through with it and I ended up going through the pregnancy and birth by myself, as well as raising her. She is now 27 months and he has never seen her or paid one cent for her.

You just have to be strong and do what you have to do to take care of both of you.

Hopefully you will also have family that can help out some.

Answer 8

yes i was in that same situation the dad didn't want any thing to do with the baby but then when she was about 3 he decided that he should have some thing to do with her she doesn't like him very much and doesn't want to go to his house for visitation but what can you do about that and as far as that dad of your baby you need to stand back and look at the situation and then figure out if you and your baby need him in your life or if you would be better off with out him in your life

Answer 9

Doesn't matter if he wants nothing to do with the situation. He played now he got to pay. That is a law. He cannot just walk away from his responsibility. He will find that out when it is time to pay child support.

Answer 10

the father of my child told me he wanted a baby and we planned my daughter 6 months after i got pregnant he became an alcoholic and sayed he wanted me to give my daughter up. i left him and had my little girl and now i am engaged to a way better guy who completely accepts my daughter.