Help! Crisis! Please Read! Need Help!?

Question

Ok so the deal is my father met this women on an online dating website and they have been talking. I have never met her or anything & she has 2 daughters. Well he has been saying strange things to me like we are going to make this room her daughters room and that my dog is going to get a new playmate b/c they have a dog. Ok keep in mind noone in my family has met these people. I got suspecious so I was listening in on his convo and she asked how long it would take for them to get married. He said they could do it in 5 min and she liked that idea. She also asked him if they could put there bank accounts together and he AGREED! I know he has not known this women for more than 2 months and they are going to elope and get married WTF! He dated another women for 9 years and did not marry her! I dont understand. How can you marry someone move her in and not even introduce her to the family first. I think that she may be a con-artist. Please tell me what you would do in a situation like that!

Answer 1

Meeting anyone on an on line dating service is risky. You have a right to be concerned, especially by the Bank Account Question. You need to talk to your Father but before you do you need to know what you are going to ask him so he does not go on the defense and immediately dismiss your concerns. You have to talk with him as an adult and not start the conversation with negative comments. You Father may be feeling he is getting old and this is his last chance at having any love His life. You could gently tell your Father that you are feeling that his impending marriage is going to effect your life and would like to voice some feelings you have about her and the Marriage. Tell Him you are not being selfish at having a new Family but one of your concerns is you know Him better than She does and you feel he is moving very fast considering what he has done in past relationships. Even ask him what is it about this woman that makes him feel he has to marry her so quick. If he starts to shut you down tell him you love him very much and you don't want anything bad to happen to him. Show concern for him and not you about who is going to sleep where or that another dog and 2 more children are being brought into your life. After he starts to feel you have real concern for him and that you are not being selfish at what you may have to give up with his marriage, you can ask him why he feels so pressured to marry so fast. Ask him if it wouldn't be better to let the family get to meet and know her. You have to stay calm throughout the entire conversation even if or when he feels it is none of your business. Remain the calm person and ask intelligent questions. The main question is why does he feel he has to rush into a marriage so fast. She may be putting pressure on him that if he doesn't marry her she will find someone else. Ask him if he feels she is putting pressure on him to marry her. If this is the case, she has to go, and he should be old enough to see that she needs someone to take care of her and her children. She may have had your Father Checked out as far as his Financial position, retirement funds, medical insurance. It is very easy to go on line and if you have enough information about the person you can get anything you want to know. It cost as little as $60.00 to have a person checked out from Birth to Current. If he knows that you know she ask about having her put on his bank account, tell him you feel that questions seems strange to you. You sound very upset, so you have to calm down and rehearse your conversation with him. Since I do not know what kind of man he is I don't know if he will take your asking about his life as none of your business. If you have a Mother or Grandparents that you can talk to that would be better than taking someone's advise here. No one knows your Father like you. Good luck Honey and God Bless.

Answer 2

I wouldn't go making accusations about her...jsut because your dad will think you're jsut "throwing a fit" or whatever...but I would ask him how he would feel if you just moved three strangers into your house without ever having met them.

Ask him if maybe you guys can all get together and meet first. There's no need to rush into a situation that involves more than just him.

How old are you by the way? Are you old enough to imancipate your self?
Cause it's very unlikely you're going to get your dad to do anything he doesn't want to do...but at least it's worth a try.

THe bottom line is this...
YOU are his family first.
By bringing this stranger into your home without barely getting to know her...he's not only jeopordizing himself...but he's putting you in jeopordy too...he is sacrificing your future and your welfare for this woman that he's known less than three months.

If he's reasonable and has a brain at all...it's not too much to ask that they introduce her to the family and explain what the rush is.

Because it's NOT "his business" or "his life" ...it's affecting you too.
Where's your mom in all of this by the way?

Answer 3

Wow! Red flags everywhere! Has HE met her? On line predators aren't just old men looking for little girls. Does your dad have any money to speak of?
You don't say how old you are or if you have siblings - does your dad have any siblings you could talk to? Any friends?
Could you sit down and tell him your concerns? Does he have a Will? I know you're not interested in the money - but could you talk to his attorney?
You have some very valid concerns - you just need someone to listen to you while you talk them out.
Good luck, Hun. Blending families is never easy, even under the best of circumstances.

Answer 4

Hey Girl.. Take it easy. I know its hard for you to deal with the situation but have you bothered to talk to your dad and ask him how he feels. If he has fallen for the lady and if he has forgotten about you and place in his life. I got married to my husband before I introduced him to my family. Actually I got married within in a time period of two weeks of seeing him. And guess what, We are still together and we love it. Some people choose to do random things because it is what there heart tells them what to do. So you might want to get with your dad and have a conversation with him. Communication is the key to every relationship, whether its with your spouse, your family even your friends. So be mature about the situation and take your dad out to dinner, and let him know exactly how you feel, He will appreciate you being the bigger person and conversing with him...
(Let me know how it goes, good luck)
God Bless!

Answer 5

talk to your dad, tell him that you would like to get to know her before he jumps into a relationship and he should spend a little more time getting to know her as well. Its only fair that the family should feel comfortable with her first. I would be very leary of them moving so fast. If he is insistant on her moving in then atleast hold off on marriage and adding her to his bank accounts. There isnt much you can do other than talk to him and show your concern.

Answer 6

i would sit down and ask him straight up "what's going on".
yes, he is an adult and can do as he pleases, however, he needs to realize that marrying this person is going to affect your life, too!

just talk to him and tell him that you are feeling uncomfortable b/c he keeps making these comments about these people moving in and this room and that room, etc and you haven't even met them.

i hope he will be a good dad and realize that he needs to think of you too....

take care.

Answer 7

I would sit down with my dad and talk to him about the situation at hand . if you dont feel comfortable tell him about it if you can stay with your mom your a friend for awhile to get your hea straight and see what you want to do. Also not a good idea about account there she be a joint account they can share a and one of each others own.

Answer 8

I don't think there is anything you can do to prevent him from marrying her being that your father is an adult.

You could try telling your father your concerns. You could also ask to meet the woman and her children as well.

Answer 9

You saw the movie the Parent Trap right? Where the twins unite their estranged parents?

So that's the deal ... you need to fix your dad up with someone you like ... maybe just some for a couple of weeks to take his attention away from this other woman. Sounds like daddy is really horny.

Answer 10

Have you talked to your father about this... Let him know how you're feeling and that You're uncomfortable with the whole situation... Maybe he'll put things on hold until you get to know this woman and her family a bit better...