My boyfriend and I had an argument and he ended up pushing me and I got a horrible scar on my leg. The argument started over a fan and when I decided the argument was over I pushed him aside to leave and he started yelling at me about hitting him. (Trust me I hardly even touched him). Then we started to argue about him yelling at me and call me names when we argue. I don’t know what to do. We live together for about a year now and have two dogs together. I don’t know if we should be together?
2006-08-23 05:54:05 · 26 answers · asked by luvlynspecial 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's okay to disagree and argue. It's not okay to get physical or yell (unless there's a fire) at each other.
It sounds like neither of you have any respect left for the other. You did push him first? That doesn't make his getting physical okay, but I have to wonder what you DO have? I don't think you can say that you love each other with out any respect.
Is this just the way you deal with things? Or, is this only with him? Is this the way you want your life to be?
You certainly should make some changes. If you just make up and continue the same way, it will only get worse the next time.
2006-08-23 06:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by kdg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally would not live under the same roof even with my own husband if he behaved like that towards me. I might even divorce him if it were necessary to enable the police to intervene. But that is a very different matter from just going separate ways and perhaps remarrying. Unless the relationship were actually broken by adultery, I would not remarry. Most probably I would wait until he actually married someone else.
The reason I mention all this is that unless you have by some miracle managed to keep your relationship with this guy platonic, despite living together, your situation is much more similar than you might think to that of a married woman.
See, sex creates a bond so close that it cannot be broken without a lot of damage. You have left a bit of yourself with that person, and they with you. So the result of a breakup will be either heartbreak, or the destruction of your ability to love and give yourself to another.
This is why the thing to do is enter a sexual relationship with intention, and fix things so that there will be no breakup or third party intrusions. This means putting each other first, taking 100% responsibility for your lives - and all of this means independence from Mom and Dad, because of the need to put your partner even above them - and then making a permanent commitment, in front of other people so you're accountable.
In this way, you avoid trouble and temptation, choosing instead to focus on doing what needs to be done to make a good and lasting relationship. If, God forbid, your partner doesn't keep up his end of the bargain, you at least have a clear conscience.
I cannot give you a yes or no answer about whether you should break up with him or not, because on the one hand, it could be argued that you should never have been so close in the first place, since you are not married, so that the thing to do is break up; on the other hand, it could be argued that since like it or not, you have gotten as close as you have, the thing to do is not break up, but get married.
One thing I do know: you should do one or the other of these things. If you wish to continue living with him, get married. And keep your relationship platonic until you do. If you do not feel marrying him is the right thing to do, stop living with him and fix your relationship so it is permanently platonic.
I would suggest you pray about this and ask for the right solution for your particular situation - keeping in mind the closeness of your relationship, but also the abusive elements you mentioned - to be revealed to you.
May God bless you with wisdom and with a revelation of His love
2006-08-23 06:21:15 · answer #2 · answered by songkaila 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your so called boyfriend should not under any circumstances get physical with you. it doesn't matter that you got on his nerves, he has no right being violent toward you. It sounds petty minded to me and no relationship survives on constant arguing. You have two dogs? Thank goodness you dont have children then cos kids live what they learn and if you or he is violent, your kids will be brought up to treat others the same.
U need to both sit down and be civil and find out what the problem is. Why does he get physical and call you names, has he no respect? its worth thinking the long term, do u want to spend the rest of your life with a bully?
2006-08-23 05:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by Scatty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually if you feel the need to even to ask yourself if you should be together still, chances are, you shouldn't.
Reading about your situation actually reminds me a lot of my first relationship: we always fought over stupid sh#t and towards the end, it got physical. Save yourself some misery and move out. Give yourself some time and space without each other and see what happens. It sucks you guys have dogs together, but then again just be thankful you guys haven't had kids.
2006-08-23 06:18:56 · answer #4 · answered by dragonflypurity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does not sound good. even though i feel for the dogs, i am thankful that itis not 2 children that you have together. if you do plan to have some at some stage of your life, you should think whether you can without a conscience have an abusive partner in their company.
tell him your concerns, see if he acknowledges a problem and if he is willing to get help in some form. if not,you will have to be brave and leave. also work on your own anger ,as often there is 2 sides to the story, but don't fool yourself that his behaviour is o.k
2006-08-23 06:00:59 · answer #5 · answered by saywot? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you fight and argue a lot over trivial things like fans then probably not. Maybe you should think about why you argue, not what you argue over and see if there's something that can be done about it.
If you want ot be with him, try to work it out. If not, move on.
2006-08-23 06:01:02 · answer #6 · answered by Toubled 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,think wise!!is the issue that serious and worth loosing someone you love and care about and arguments are nothing but difference of opinions...trust me no 2 people can think alike so its all about adjustments and compromise.....think about it and if you are sure that you guys are not meant to be together,so juts discuss it over a coffee like good and matured people and move on with your lives.....dont make it dirty by physical abuse and even bad mouthing....
2006-08-23 05:59:02 · answer #7 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try and work it out but dont let him lay a finger on you, cos that could be the beginning of an abusive relationship, otherwise arguing is normal for couples as long as there is no name calling involved.
2006-08-23 06:04:55 · answer #8 · answered by malaika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fighting is healthy for a relationship, but only if you can make up and move on and if he hits you, you shouldn't be together. No one has the right to do that.
2006-08-23 05:57:05 · answer #9 · answered by Sandra C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having two dogs is not a family. But if he hit you deliberately, not as an accident of sorts, you shouldn't be staying witih him. it's a good start for a new fashion of him hitting you when he feels like it. Don't go for it.
2006-08-23 06:01:59 · answer #10 · answered by shortnotsilly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋