I haven't seen my college friend, "T", in about 5 years. We met and went shopping together this past weekend. When we were in a cafeteria, the server asked if she needed her meal to be kosher or not (but she didn't ask me).
My friend asked the lady why she offered her the meal, and she said "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you looked Jewish." My friend totally overreacted, and was really really insulted that this server thought she was Jewish (or "looked Jewish").
I just happen to have reddish hair and green eyes, and my friend has darker features.
She talked all the way home about how she was singled out by this server and I wasn't. She even talked about dyeing her hair blonde. Basically I gleaned that she equated someone calling you Jewish with "ugly" and "fat," "cross eyed", and other anti semitic garbage.
I never knew this side of her. I'm really shocked. She used to be a great friend, but I guess she has changed. Should I work on the friendship or stay away from her?
2006-08-23 05:45:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I would work on the relationship unless it becomes a problem all the time. I would hang in there with her hoping that you could be a good example and when the occasion arises to teach the right way to behave toward others, gently but firmly.
2006-08-23 05:49:51 · answer #1 · answered by Makemeaspark 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with ElOsoBravo; I think is probably not that big of a deal. You might want to talk about the situation with her, though. Tell her you really hope she doesn't have any negative feelings toward Jewish (or other groups of) people.
The server should have either asked you both or asked neither of you. I used to work in retail in an area where there were many Spanish speaking people, and though I knew how to speak Spanish, it would have been wrong and possibly offensive for me to assume that people spoke Spanish because of their physical appearance.
As far as her wanting to dye her hair blonde, that does give the impression that she doesn't want people to think she looks Jewish. From what you said, it's hard to tell whether she just doesn't like being mistaken for something she's not, or if she thinks Jewish people are inferior. Not to mention that she doesn't seem to know any Jewish people who are blonde...
2006-08-23 06:02:47 · answer #2 · answered by Rob F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see two problems here. The serves was way off for "profiling" your friend based on coloration or looks. The supervisor at the cafeteria should be informed so that the server is told this cannot be accepted.
Secondly, talk to your friend and ask her why she finds it so insulting to be thought of as a Jew. Maybe she just needs to have it pointed out how racist that is. Try to work on the friendship, if she really is prejudiced, it will do her good to be around someone like you who isn't--you may teach her by example.
You can always step away later if you see that she won't change.
2006-08-23 05:52:56 · answer #3 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is anti-Semitic there is little you can do about it. If she has hate for Jews in her heart then that is the way she is. If you feel you must stand up for us Jews, you can tell her that her tirade about how horrible it was to be mistaken for Jewish made you feel uncomfortable. We Jews take a lot of crap in this world. With what seems like a world full of people who want to have us exterminated, I can't get all that worked up by some chick in a food court who thinks Jewey looking people are ugly. I would suggest that you let it go because do you really need the aggravation of a confrontation with her?
2006-08-23 05:58:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one...
1- you must decide what is it that you want in a freind & whether or not this person fits into it.
2- Have you considered saying "Chill out - did you think that maybe that server was trying to be respectful"
3- Sounds like your freind has some personal issues regarding their beliefs and maybe even some self confidence issues.
I would say that you should aproach her in a non-acusative fashion & see how she reacts. She may treat you like crap & that will resolve your issue. On the other hand - she may open up to you & it could be the thing that takes your freindship to a higher level.
2006-08-23 06:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by temple_maat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, how did you "glean" that?? i think of you're making way too many assumptions approximately your pals emotions! It feels like she only have been given irked approximately being "singled" out. She in all probability could have had an identical reaction to a guy or woman who concept she grow to be Spanish, Indian, Vulcan, or despite, lol. She have been given disenchanted via fact people made ASSUMPTIONS approximately her---only such as you're doing now.
2016-11-05 11:15:55 · answer #6 · answered by ai 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she had been drinking...did she make anti-semetic comments? I don't like it when people call me a hippie or stereo type me for my long hair...but then I don't make a big stink of it either. Your friend is obviously confused. Whether U pursue the friendship is up to you, but if becomes too hateful...I would ditch her!!! Bigots are trouble makers.
2006-08-23 05:53:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. I don't think that her reaction necessarily labels her as "anti Semite" And the server WAS presumptuous to make that remark! Dismiss it.
2006-08-23 05:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by ElOsoBravo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her Jesus is jewish, he was circumsed, had a bar-mitzvah, studied the Torah. That all the first diciples were jews.
Then if she is to narrow-minded, not to say STUPID!...To understand that after you informed her...
2006-08-23 05:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Yahoo! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you want to spend time with extremely superficial people? Personally, I don't have the patience for people like that.
2006-08-23 05:49:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋