I have been with my man for 5 years and we just got married about 1 month ago, I love him to death, but ever since i've known him,he has not been very family oriented (at all) his family just never pushed that on him. He used to make the effort to get along with my family "which are outgoing and constanly are trying to make a family bond with him" but now that we are married he feels that if he does not need to "bond"and that he shouldnt be forced to. I never go to my house and visit because when we go, he has a serious face obviously showing that he rather be hanging out somewhere else. My mom is very sweet to him but she has a very strong character and she is starting not to like him at all which is causing me problems emotionally, and at home!I my sister's boyfriend which is REALLY trying to look good to my family (they are getting married next year) is doing his best to "bond".when i mention this to my husband he gets offended, and basically rebels. what do I do?
2006-08-23 04:54:03 · 9 answers · asked by Social 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
With all honesty I'm REALLY NOT trying to change him, what i'm trying to say is our relationship has always been a give in 50%. I know its not always fun to hang out with the family, but I do it for him all the time. his mom calls and asks him over for dinner and we go, my mom calls and I need to beg...
2006-08-23 06:58:26 · update #1
i soo understand and feel your whole situation...i've been married with to my husband 3 years now going on 4 and i've had to deal with almost the same situation...it may be even harder since i'm military and we move so often and i rarely get to see my family...i'll tell you one thing though...stop trying to change your husband...you'll die trying to change him and get him to understand you and it may never happen...i'm not saying to choose between your family, but just accommodate both families...and think about yourself...don't force him to come around your family and bond...let him do what he is comfortable doing as long as he never makes you choose between him and your family...talk to someone about all this or you'll go crazy keeping it in and trying to come up with a solution on your own...good luck ma!!
2006-08-23 05:09:41 · answer #1 · answered by sweet_latina830 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DUH!!
He's displayed constant behavior for 5 years. Now, with a piece of paper, you are trying to make him change! Stop it!!!
Go visit with your family without him. Give him a break! Let him work on the car, go fishing, or watch sports on TV...whatever.
You do something you enjoy ("bonding" with your family) while he does something he enjoys (whatever it may be). At the end of the day, you'll both be happier. You'll be able to talk about what a good day you each had, rather than engaging in an argument where you accuse him of doing everything wrong.
It's not HIM who's causing emotional problems. You are causing your own. So don't try to cast blame where it doesn't belong. And stop holding up your sister's boyfriend as an example. Your husband is who he is - You chose to marry him the way he is. Every time you berate him for still being the same man you fell in love with 5 years ago, you are wrong!!!
2006-08-23 12:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by kaylora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please never compare your hubby to another man that will totally crush him and make him feel like less than he is. If he grew up in a family that didnt show alot of affection its probably hard for him to do so! I was never ever told growing up that I was loved by either parent! I was 34 before I ever heard my mom say it- and thats cuz she was dying! There were not hugs and affection. When I married my hubby- he is a touchy feely person and MAN it felt like he was suffocating me! Like he was holding a pillow over my face! I was NOT use to all the affection-touching-and closeness. its a scary thing when u didnt grow up with it. INow i couldnt live without it! lol I think your hubby is just NOT use to family closeness and thats what makes it tough for him. Talk to your mom about that. Let her know his family was never affectionate and caring- so he doesnt KNOW how to be. Dont FORCE your hubby too hard- let him come around in his own time. PLEASSE do not compare him to others- apologize to him ASAP for doing that to him! Im sure that totally hurt him! Big time! Dont let it be a big problem! Your new husband is your family now and he should come first in your life! Let him adapt in his own way! Visit your family alone- without him that way you still have the best of both worlds and still use all holidays to give hubby the opportunity to bond with your family! Good luck to you
2006-08-23 12:13:22 · answer #3 · answered by cstinkerbell6969 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately you are not going to be able to change your husband. He will resent you for doing it. Since you say he was like this prior to marriage, then you cannot expect anything to change about him. My husband is kind of that way and did not grow up in a particularly loving environment. Although he is a great husband and dad, to the world he would not be rated 'nicest guy.' But, over time maybe he'll warm up. My husband did. We dated 4 years and married 4 years, and I find that over time he has become a warmer person to my family and close friends. And don't EVER compare him to another man. That will just blow up in your face. If you love him and he loves you, ease off of him about it, and when he wants to come around, he will.
2006-08-23 12:09:35 · answer #4 · answered by GreenEyedSista 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you married him you knew he wasn't family oriented, and you still decided he was the one. Some people aren't into "family" and comparing him to your sister's boyfriend is rightfully going to offend him. Accept it, hang out with your family without him. Only ask him to hang out on holidays and birthdays, and ask that on those occasions he make the best of it for you. You're married...compromise.
2006-08-23 12:06:17 · answer #5 · answered by wayfarstar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew this about him before you got married. You cannot change who he is. He is who he is. You and you family should accept him for that. Plan some get togethers with your family and go alone. Of course he should join you on holiday's etc.
Make sure you two communicate about how you feel about this. It is important to make sure it become a non-issue with no resentment building up.
2006-08-23 12:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by grudgrime 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him so now it's time to accept his little quirks. If you keep pushing, it will only cause more problems between you both. Try telling him how you feel and see if you both can come to some middle ground for sanity sake.
Good luck!
2006-08-23 12:02:49 · answer #7 · answered by Angie P. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This must have been obvious before you married him, you should have thought about this before you married him.Some people just are not social. Marriage means a certain amount of acceptance.
2006-08-23 12:24:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously you need to make him respect you and your family. sample as that. Good Luck!
2006-08-23 12:35:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋