My mothers side of the family along with my mother makes me feel that I'm not good enough for them. Even though I am 33 years old they still look down at me.They often compare me to to my sister.I want to be a part of the family but they keep hurting my feelings. My mother often tells me that I should be more like my sister. I like being an individual I like who I am. It just really hurts.
Please give me some advice!
2006-08-23 04:50:41 · 15 answers · asked by Miss.Sunshine 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm 38 years old and still to this day get compared to my cousin....whom I'll call "The Golden Child"..... I spent most of my adolesence trying to make my family proud of me....almost to the point of making myself insane. I took on job positions I hated, but were "status quo" for my family, lived a lifestyle that I thought would make THEM proud, rather than making myself happy. I don't know when or how it hit me...but at some point I woke up and said ENOUGH and started living life for ME. And that's really all you can do is live your life for you and not for everyone else. I had to have this discussion with my family...."I'm not the Golden Child, I'm me...I can't be the Golden Child, I can only be who I am...accept me for who I am."
2006-08-23 05:03:10 · answer #1 · answered by Blossom_Kitty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry your family; especially, you Mom has hurt you in this way. The key is that you; like who you are. That is so very important! I know it really hurts, when others judge us but sometimes people do hurtful things either out of ignorance or self-centerness. If this was me, I would meet with my Mom for lunch somewhere and I would tell her that if she wants me to continue seeing her she has to stop saying hurtful things. Tell her all that you feel. It doesn't matter what her reaction is, you will have told her and that will feel good eventually and she will respect you for it. Then, give her some time and space. Next, surprise her with a visit when your sister is not home. Don't just sit around and talk but do something together. Be especially kind to her and show her that you have good points too. Try not to give up on your Mom, she is old and having a difficult time adjusting to something; I have no idea what. But, Mom's are important to us - even when they hurt us. So, don't just never see her; because, that will leave you with guilt.
In summary, take your stand - tell them you are upset and then give them time to change.
Finally, I wish you the very best. Families, mean so much and that is why they can be a real heartbreak. But, it is worth the extra effort.
Granny
2006-08-23 05:28:39 · answer #2 · answered by pmac 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore - First, you have to ignore what others say. Most of time, people hurt by comparing things. Yet, they never compare anyone who is worse than you, always better. In their mind, that is encouragement, actually, that is negative reinforcement. Yes, it hurts, don't let that float into your mind or you will never get confidence
Accept - However, take some constructive criticism if any. Some words may be helpful. Use it to boost up your confidence, aim and purpose in life.
Calm and fake- Whatever you do, ignore or accept, don't show emotion out or you will be backfired. In other word, if you ignore and show your emotion as not acceptance, they may hurt your more. On the contrary, if you accept and not able to do it, they will say it anyway. Calm yourself down, and fake your emotion in front of them. Hard, but you have to try it.
Look away and compare down - tell yourself someone is worse than you. Find someone in life who is not as good as you are. Only tell it in your mind. That may make you feel good.
Good luck!
2006-08-23 05:00:24 · answer #3 · answered by YourDreamDoc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot live the same life as your sister--so you have to make a stand and hold on to your decisions. I have heard the same from my family a lot-- you should do this and that, just like you sister, you should find a b/f, just like your sister... bla bla bla... but the thing is IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN because you are two different people. My suggestion is to forget about what people say and be an individual. Live your life like you want, because when you get really old, you will regret living someone else's life... good luck!
2006-08-23 05:03:04 · answer #4 · answered by Просто Я 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no theory what the sq. photos is on our abode. there replaced right into a time, yet i've got forgotten. we are residing to tell the tale 2 acres of land with 2 backyard sheds and the abode has a 2 vehicle storage, 4 bedrooms, and a pair of baths. we've an open kitchen which leads right into a extensive residing section. we've 2 teenagers, and we heavily isn't having anymore, so we've a lot of room. all and sundry gets their very own room, plus we've an extra mattress room for a customer. considering that i'm the precise opposite of a hoarder (I donate, and throw stuff away that may not getting used) our storage aspects are not crushed.
2016-09-29 21:40:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Do something totally altruistic to the point where your family actually feels ashamed of themselves. (get a write up in the paper on your Red Cross trip to help the tsunami victims)
2. Have big-wigs praise you in front of your family. There is nothing greater than praise through inference.
3. Now that your family is confused, find a Mother-like Figure in your life that's not your mother. Find a Sister-like Figure that's not your sister. Make sure these people are awesome. Invite everyone to the same parties. Refer to them as "my second mom" and "you are like a sister to me". You can have "aunts" and "cousins" too!
4. Let someone drop that your "second mom/sister/aunt" is thinking of giving you a surprise party. Watch your family scramble to pay you your dues.
Basically my advice to you is: Everyone in life has a role. Nothing gets people to fulfill their role faster than if you give it to someone else.
2006-08-23 05:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by emilsignia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same situation with my family - always comparing me to my sisters, and making comments that make me feel like poo. If I mention it, I'm wrong for making them feel bad and giving them a guilt trip. After years and years, I have just learned to ignore it. Otherwise my feelings would get hurt every time I visit them or talk on the phone with them.
2006-08-23 05:00:00 · answer #7 · answered by SLR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lived this way all of my life , and finally at 36 I said enough is enough and told every single one of them that I am good enough for my husband and kids I dont need them in my life anyways... I dont speak to the 4 I had the problem with at all anymore , but I didnt have that problem with my mom either..Sorry i cant be of help to you I wish you the best...
2006-08-23 04:55:13 · answer #8 · answered by MARY B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family is tough to deal with and you shouldn't take it personally since you enjoy who you are. Your mom shouldn't be comparing you to your sister. That is wrong on her part. I have a sister and my mom tries to understand us all and not judge. I think you should just ignore it and live your life girl!!!
2006-08-23 05:00:01 · answer #9 · answered by ChicaLoca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts-because we love them, and we just want them to love us back. No matter how much we try to please them,(or be someone were not) it seems it will never be enough, I'm tirid and ready to just give up.We didn't do anything to deserve this, sometimes I think what is so wrong with me? Am I that bad? I am starting to think maybe they are just not very nice.My husband told me to stop being they're doormat-maybe this could help you too.
stand up for yourself.
2006-08-23 05:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by old & decreped 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋