They've not been getting along the last week or so. They are at the moment, but I have a feeling it isn't going to last much longer.
We're getting married a month from today(!) and it seems every time my mom thinks about me moving out (still live @ home) she starts pointing out his flaws. And they either aren't true at all or over-exaggerated. Anyone been through this recently?
Keep in mind that I can't just yell at her to get my point across; she's had a stroke and couldn't handle the stress. So that leaves me stumped as to how to deal with her sometimes.
2006-08-23 04:42:15 · 15 answers · asked by Cassiopeia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
it seems like your mom is just reluctant to let go of you- perhaps she thinks that once you marry your fiance, she won't get to see you anymore. so maybe what you should do is reassure her that your fiance is, in fact, a wonderful man, & that she is still a very important part of your life, even though you won't be living with her anymore. & once you ARE married, live up to that reassurance and be sure to visit or call her, so she feels like she is still part of your life.
2006-08-23 04:47:19 · answer #1 · answered by annna 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well look at it this way you only have to deal with it for another month then you won't have to deal with it anymore. If you really feel the need to respond to her childish behavior say "thank you mom, I appreciate your opinion but I love him and I would appreciate it if you didn't talk about him negatively in my presence". Yelling never accomplishes anything so just say what I wrote and if she continues then just say "mother I told you how I feel about you talking about ______ that way. If you refuse to respect my wishes then I'm sorry I won't be able to talk to you until you can." and then walk away. Empty nest syndrome isn't uncommon and assuming her complaints don't hold any merit there is no way I'd sit there and let anyone, including my mother, bad mouth the man I plan to marry.
2006-08-23 04:48:42 · answer #2 · answered by amyclay350 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Communication is the best key.
You can also purchase or make a special calender just for her and put on there mother and daughter dates so that she knows you still want to spend quality time with her. That will put her more at ease as well.
It is sounding like she is suffering from "empty nest syndrome" and she is going to miss the companionship and comfort that you have provided for so many years.
Call her at least once a day even if it is just to say, " I love you and I hope you are doing alright."
It would be nice if he does some special things for her too so that she knows that he isn't taking you away from her but rather he is joining your family and making it even stronger.
2006-08-23 08:14:45 · answer #3 · answered by weddingsforall 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are some parents, that no matter how hard you try, feel that no one is good enough for their little girl/boy. I would tell your mom how much you love your fiance, how good of a man he is, and how you know he'll take care of you. Tell her that it hurts YOU when she says derogatory things about the man you love, because she's implying that maybe your judgment isn't so hot here. Remind her that your love for him in no way takes away from the love you have for her...I'm kinda guessing you might be her first child to get married...it's a rough transition for a parent as well. One of my dear friends just became a mother in law, and she's kinda having a rough time with the whole concept. Tell your mom that you know she loves you, very much, so could she please love your hubby to be as well, since you love him, very much? Best of luck to you.
2006-08-23 05:18:37 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are both probably just stressed about the upcoming wedding. Planning is enough, but your mom probably feels like she is losing a daughter (since you still live with her).
All I can say is to sit down and talk to your mom, one-on-one, and let her know you love her, and that you are still there for her, even if it's not under the same roof.
It may take her some time to accept this and calm down. Just remember, time heals all wounds.
2006-08-23 04:52:39 · answer #5 · answered by Laura 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well I'm not in the same situation but. I am planning a wedding for next year sometime.There probably just both nervous about the big day coming up really soon.she probably think she wont see again after you guys get married and hes probably thinking that she will always be over when you guys get married.Its all the tention of the wedding.I wouldn't worry about it to much. things will calm down after the wedding.best of luck
2006-08-23 05:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by Angel sent from heaven 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your mom sounds very emotional. It's going to be a very hard day for her. Not only are you moving out you are starting your whole new life, try and be a bit sympathetic to her needs right now. You will see things will be better after the wedding stress is gone.
Congratulations! And I hope you guys have a great wedding day
2006-08-23 04:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by Doreen A 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like she doesnt want you to leave her if she starts in on him when she thinks of you moving out just be sure to let her know you love her and will always be there for her but he is now a huge part of your life and you want to give this relationship all you got but its hard when things between them are strained let her know that you are listening and if she seriously feels that he is not everything you believe he is that you know she will be there for you just keep the conversation calm i know its hard considering its two people who you love and are so close to but dont push it though just let her know where you stand i hope things work out for you
2006-08-23 04:59:16 · answer #8 · answered by lazerus2391 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that he will be your future husband and that she should accept this fact. Be clear that her picking on him hurts your feelings and that you will not entretain her comments.
After that, everytime that she does this, walk way,leave ot hung up the phone. Just say: "I gotta go" and leave it at that. Shewill get the hint that that is a subject that you are not interested in.
Congratu;ations and good luck
2006-08-23 04:52:16 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are the oldest daughter no one will ever be good enough. Maybe she is scared of losing her daughter. I am sure she will come around in time.
2006-08-23 04:47:40 · answer #10 · answered by Farmgirl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋